I wish this feeling would go away

Also, marriages go through phases too. Couples often feel challenges as they go through these phases, it doesn't mean their marriage is necessarily genuinely on the rocks. Each decade brings new challenges, a different phase in a relationship. It's not unusual for a "middle aged" couple, especially the male to need a presence that can provide some kind of boost to his male ego. This doesn't mean he is necessarily ready to end his marriage.

For u to say that is an insult to me.
I fulky understand couples go thru phases thats why i gave him space. He stays for the finances
But he dont love hef. Let me ask u something. 2ouldnt u want ur partner to love u. I wouldnt be there if mine didnt and yes i was actually dating someone when we met. Ive moved on but marriage is way more complicated to leave i get it so no its not an ego boost for him

Which doesn't matter. Yet again, it's his marriage and his choice.

Yes. And i respect whatever decision he makes this is not easy for anyone. I would rather know i could trust him if something happens between us down the road

If what happens?

Nothing should happen. You're moving on.

I meant if we were both free and he healed things with her. As well i dont need baggage

Honestly, you never shared your age, or his until just recently. For all members know this guy could be older and you could be young and naive. THAT has happened, and members have actually shared that in this relationship forum.

And there ARE men out there that use the line about how their marriage is bad, their wife is mean, but they are stuck because of finances. When what they want is to get someone they can have an affair with and fool around. And they can be very convincing too.

Members are concerned you don't get hurt, that's all. OR that you don't engage some man where he leaves because you give him a reason to do so. It's much better if this man resolves his marriage issues first, where it's all HIS decision. And some men never make that break happen too. So it ends up being a waste of time and heartache.

Of course he tells you he doesn’t love his wife. Would a man who tends to pursue other women be telling them that he loves his wife? Of course not. It’s a well known lines “my marriage is on a rocks” “I don’t love her” etc

He can’t be trusted. He lies to his wife so there is no guarantee he is honest whth you.

Generally speaking decent men either end their marriage and become single before pursuing other women or they remain committed to their marriage. No decent married men chase other women while staying with their wives “for finances”.

It doesn’t matter what he tells you or if he loves his wife. You don’t want the kind of indecent men in your life. You deserve a man with integrity and moral compass. This dude isn’t it

Good grief people

Well I think the OP has been flooded with enough people throwing things at her, yes most everyone is going to talk about Morals and Men lying etc etc.

What I think this OP needs is to be asked how can she find support here
while she’s in a situation like this. Life is not black and white.

So Denise ... is there anything I can do to help ? Feel free to PM me , I’m a good listener

People ARE trying to support her, but no one here is going to encourage the OP to chase or pursue a married man, and everyone here is encouraging her to focus on other things and move on. Not only that, but to know and understand that a married man pursuing a woman outside his marriage cannot be trusted. People are trying to look out for her well-being in this situation. Nothing good can come of it. What else can we do?

I've had several married men chase me, and they all say the same things as this man. Things are rocky right now, I don't love my wife, my wife doesn't love me, I want to leave her. And what happened? They ALL stayed with their wives in the end. When something didn't happen with me, they most likely moved on to some other poor unsuspecting woman who would say yes to them.

And this man? Staying because of finances? Does his wife support him or the other way around? Seems like a similar type of excuse to not leave and to have sex or an affair with another woman, stringing her along, with no intentions of leaving.

It's far easier to have an affair and find women to have sex with than it is to leave your wife and go through a divorce where finances and children are involved.

People here are trying to warn the OP to protect her, and to imply differently is insulting.

You are right it is easier and i dont condone affairs. Ive tried everything and hes still in my heart. With that being said why do the wives stay?

Anyway i have tried everything to get this man 9ut of my heart and mind not going anywhere even with time.
My point is by reaching out is to NOT have an affair but just get clarity and apologize to him. And let him know i care. No expectations. Ive given him space. Ignoring it is not working
If its meant to be everyone involved will be well cared for with no guilt or backlash. If not ill be free in my heart and mind. I can do that without meddling in his marriage

So what do you want to apologize for and what do you seek clarity on?

When you say if it’s meant to be, no one will be hurt, how does this situation play itself out in your mind so that no one is hurt, and without guilt or backlash? How does this situation ideally play itself out in your mind?

No you haven't, otherwise you still wouldn't be hung up on this:

It doesn't matter.

If you want to get over a crush for real, you have to do more than simply avoid contacting him. Ruminating over it will get you nothing but wasted time and heartache. He's gone. Just let him be gone.

Iapologize for shuttibg down and lashing out
The marriage would disolve naturally without me being in the middle.if it and without anyone leaving for anyone else. And their wounds would be healed during that process That would create an enviroment for us. To create somethibg that does not involve sneaky deceptive behavior vreate bad karma.
If its meant to be

What do you seek clarity on though with him? How he feels about you?

If you truly want the marriage to dissolve on its own without your influence, you would have to separate yourself entirely from the situation and also NOT confess that you’re in love with him. Also understand that the divorce process can take a year or more. To avoid any harm to anyone, you would have to keep your distance for a long time. If he filed papers, that’s one thing. But until then you would have to keep a far distance.

Yes ive done that for a long time kept distance. But i do need to reach out and apologize. At least so he will know i care. Nothing is wrong with that. Then step back

Some things are not meant to get past. Remember i was dating someone else when we met too

For real? Girlfriend, you titled this thread "I wish this feeling would go away," and now you're saying you aren't meant to get past it?

I don't think you know what you want.

You still haven’t answered the question on what kind of clarity you seek? You want to let him know you care? That’s trying to influence him in your direction. An apology is one thing, trying to influence him is another.

I think you still want to tell him you love him and ask how he feels about you?

Iit would have been a whole lot easier if they didnt exist for sure. I. I do know i would want a relationship with him but by honesty and integrity. I didnt plan on this. Just that. I feel guilty for it. And its hard when your strong. In your power and not having affair but you have that longing