Is life sometimes a series of random bad luck?

Feb 22, 2020 at 09:33 PM

It seems like misfortune begets misfortune. One bad event can give rise to other stuff. Like the incident at Arby's where my supervisor had me canned caused my mental breakdown.

1. I lived on my own at that time and I immediately ceased to function. I cut classes to get wasted. On my days off my remaining job at Sam's Club, I would sleep all day. I would also call home EVERY DAY when my breakdowns overwhelm me.

2. When my breakdowns physically rendered me unable to speak, I started acting out at Sam's Club. It cost me my job eventually.

3. My BF who I met at Sam's Club quit his job and went to work for Arby's. That triggered me like hell, so I broke up with him.

So now I can't live on my own and I'm single. I can't trust anyone. I've now been working at McDonald's for 2 years and I'm constantly worried that someone will suddenly turn on me.

bpcyclist · Feb 23, 2020 at 01:18 AM

I sometimes get fooled by myself into feeling this way, but really, I think this is just all random events just happening. That's just me.

Sending you support and strength!!!!

Be Still · Feb 23, 2020 at 06:40 PM

Check your thought life. What do you spend your time thinking about?

~Christina · Feb 23, 2020 at 11:41 PM

What does your T say about how your feeling?

divine1966 · Feb 24, 2020 at 05:22 AM

Sometimes events lead to one another and sometimes they are random. Some things happen because we cause them to happen so they aren’t really bad luck.

TishaBuv · Feb 24, 2020 at 07:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruby2011

It seems like misfortune begets misfortune. One bad event can give rise to other stuff. Like the incident at Arby's where my supervisor had me canned caused my mental breakdown.
Was it random bad luck you got fired? Did you do something to cause that? The mental breakdown was a result of your emotions from the firing and not just random. It was your natural reaction to the stress.

1. I lived on my own at that time and I immediately ceased to function. I cut classes to get wasted. On my days off my remaining job at Sam's Club, I would sleep all day. I would also call home EVERY DAY when my breakdowns overwhelm me.
Again this was your reaction to the stress and not random bad luck.

2. When my breakdowns physically rendered me unable to speak, I started acting out at Sam's Club. It cost me my job eventually.

Again this is how you handled the stress in an unhealthy way and the predictable results of losing another job. Not random bad luck.

3. My BF who I met at Sam's Club quit his job and went to work for Arby's. That triggered me like hell, so I broke up with him.
His getting a job at Arby’s was random. Did he know it upset you? Could he have worked somewhere else instead for your sake?

So now I can't live on my own and I'm single. I can't trust anyone. I've now been working at McDonald's for 2 years and I'm constantly worried that someone will suddenly turn on me.

I’ve had several unexpected people turn on me too and also expect it now. I try to stick to the few people who haven’t let me down and keep expectations very low.

seesaw · Feb 24, 2020 at 01:43 PM

Ruby, I know many bad things happening can feel overwhelming, but having read and conversed with you on a number of your threads, I feel you are rewriting the narrative of what happened to justify maladaptive behaviors, instead of seeing your own part in these things.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruby2011

It seems like misfortune begets misfortune. One bad event can give rise to other stuff. Like the incident at Arby's where my supervisor had me canned caused my mental breakdown.

You misbehaved at work, didn't follow the rules, and got fired. That's not bad luck. That's fired for cause. So your mental breakdown was the result of the consequences of your own failure to follow rules.

1. I lived on my own at that time and I immediately ceased to function. I cut classes to get wasted. On my days off my remaining job at Sam's Club, I would sleep all day. I would also call home EVERY DAY when my breakdowns overwhelm me.

Getting wasted was a choice you made in dealing with the consequences of your behavior that got you fired at Arby's. This is not bad luck, this is a ramification of your actions.

2. When my breakdowns physically rendered me unable to speak, I started acting out at Sam's Club. It cost me my job eventually.

Again, you chose to act out. These are chain reactions based on your choices. You do have the power to choose how you will behave. I know it seems like you don't, but I promise, you can choose how to react and cope with things.

3. My BF who I met at Sam's Club quit his job and went to work for Arby's. That triggered me like hell, so I broke up with him.

I don't know the history of this but it does seem just like a bad coincidence that he would go work for your former employer. And I can see that it would be upsetting. I'm sorry this got piled on.

So now I can't live on my own and I'm single. I can't trust anyone. I've now been working at McDonald's for 2 years and I'm constantly worried that someone will suddenly turn on me.

Ruby, you relapsed. It's okay. It happens to us all. But instead of rewriting the narrative to justify acting out and maladaptive coping skills, learn from how the initial bad behaviors, and failure to address them, created a chain reaction of bad events in your life. At any point you really did have the power to turn it around by addressing your behaviors and coping skills.

I think you can learn from this, and I hope you do. I am always impressed by your desire to be better, Ruby, and I believe in you and know you can do it.

Feb 24, 2020 at 08:24 PM

I’m on the the cusp of deciding whether to move out on my own or not. And my folks are pushing me to date again. I don’t have the confidence.

Feb 24, 2020 at 08:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

What does your T say about how your feeling?

I haven’t been in therapy in awhile. Things been fine but my folks are pressuring me to date recently. I don’t want to date and I never want to move out again. They seemed to forget the past events that rendered me permanently dependent on family.

Nammu · Feb 24, 2020 at 09:55 PM

Ruby you need to own your own behavior, it's not bad luck it you acting out. Go back to therapy and work on accepting responsibility for your own behavior.

~Christina · Feb 24, 2020 at 11:34 PM

Well people should not date until they get a good handle on there life and are working and doing well.

You don’t need a boyfriend /girlfriend to move out.

Maybe your caseworker can help you find roommate situations. You can’t stay with your parents forever after all. You need to be independent.

Don’t go back and fall back into the “ poor me” mentality of losing you job at Arby’s and others they were caused by YOUR actions and yours alone.

Move forward, go to work be pleasant and go home.. start a savings account so you will have some savings so you can move out

seesaw · Feb 25, 2020 at 12:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~Christina

Well people should not date until they get a good handle on there life and are working and doing well.

You don’t need a boyfriend /girlfriend to move out.

Maybe your caseworker can help you find roommate situations. You can’t stay with your parents forever after all. You need to be independent.

Don’t go back and fall back into the “ poor me” mentality of losing you job at Arby’s and others they were caused by YOUR actions and yours alone.

Move forward, go to work be pleasant and go home.. start a savings account so you will have some savings so you can move out

I think a roommate situation could be very beneficial. Hopefully with someone who could be a steadying influence.

~Christina · Feb 25, 2020 at 12:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seesaw

I think a roommate situation could be very beneficial. Hopefully with someone who could be a steadying influence.

Yes I think that would be ideal

divine1966 · Feb 25, 2020 at 02:04 AM

Could you discuss moving out options with your case manager? Would you qualify for subsidized housing?

TishaBuv · Feb 25, 2020 at 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruby2011

I haven’t been in therapy in awhile. Things been fine but my folks are pressuring me to date recently. I don’t want to date and I never want to move out again. They seemed to forget the past events that rendered me permanently dependent on family.

With a statement like this, you should definitely go back to a therapist. Why are your folks pressuring you to date? Are they thinking it will get you to move out to find someone to take you away? You feel “permanently dependent” on them? This is very troubling, Ruby.

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bpcyclist Legendary Member Since Sep 2019 Location: Portland Posts: 12,681 (SuperPoster!) 4 40.2k hugs given	Feb 23, 2020 at 01:18 AM #2 I sometimes get fooled by myself into feeling this way, but really, I think this is just all random events just happening. That's just me. Sending you support and strength!!!! __________________ When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them--Rodney Dangerfield
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Be Still Member Member Since Dec 2019 Location: South Africa Posts: 48 4 145 hugs given	Feb 23, 2020 at 06:40 PM #3 Check your thought life. What do you spend your time thinking about?
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~Christina Legendary Wise Elder Community Liaison Member Since Jul 2011 Location: Tennessee Posts: 22,450 (SuperPoster!) 12 12.7k hugs given	Feb 23, 2020 at 11:41 PM #4 What does your T say about how your feeling? __________________ Helping others gets me out of my own head ~
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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,367 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,277 hugs given	Feb 24, 2020 at 05:22 AM #5 Sometimes events lead to one another and sometimes they are random. Some things happen because we cause them to happen so they aren’t really bad luck.
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Anonymous49235 Guest Posts: n/a	Feb 24, 2020 at 08:24 PM #8 I’m on the the cusp of deciding whether to move out on my own or not. And my folks are pushing me to date again. I don’t have the confidence.
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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,367 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,277 hugs given	Feb 25, 2020 at 02:04 AM #14 Could you discuss moving out options with your case manager? Would you qualify for subsidized housing?
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