Difficult people get under my skin

We all have our own frailties. But a weakness or frailty can also be a strength, oddly enough. And I hear you.... I'm being taught the hard way what's worthy and what's not. I've typically been very open and inviting to most people, and now? Not so much.

Hugs to you!

I think she was talking about people who are nasty to others, not the ones who have social anxiety and/or introverts and keep to themselves. That’s what I thought.

Oh for sure no one is easy at all times. I’d be suspicious of people who are so great at all times.

Yep, I got that part.

I am suspicious of people who smile too much, lol. I always think they're hiding something.

Con artists come to mind lol

although some people smile or laugh a lot because they are nervous etc

Lol...

and very true. I know of people who laugh because they're nervous. That happens a lot.

HERE ARE 5 SIGNS YOU ARE DEALING WITH A DIFFICULT PERSON:

1. IT’S ALL ABOUT THEM.
Difficult people are dramatic and they are fueled by reactions from others. They need to be the center of attention. You know this type of person, the one whose life seems to be a soap opera. You ask her what she did during the weekend and she moves through elaborate story lines. These folks don’t just tell a story in a few sentences. They share a novel. And, to even ask them, “How are you doing today?” is opening a can of worms. They are egocentric, narcissistic, and full of opinions.

2. THEY DON’T DO A FAVOR WITHOUT COLLECTING.
These type of people are always scheming how they can get something for nothing. If you ask them for a favor, realize it will be like selling your soul to the devil. That favor will not go unnoticed. Difficult people are not compassionate. They are self-serving. These folks will remind you over and over what they did for you. Never mind that you have helped them in the past. That’s not in their best interest. They will bully you to repay whatever support or assistance you got from them.

3. THEY ARE VICTIMS.
The victim is the one who never gets over a trauma. They are stuck in the past. They utilize illnesses, family, and events to manipulate into getting what they want. They live in constant victimization mode. These people will reel you into their lives by making you feel sorry for them. They tell and re-tell stories of pain and failures. Negativity is their means of communication. The best way to stop their behavior is to continue giving positive statements and not buying into their pity party.

4. THEY CAN BE OBLIVIOUS.
Believe it or not, there are people out there who have no idea what’s going on in this reality. They live in their own world that only makes sense to them. These type of people are difficult because they are in constant denial of what’s going on. They are flaky. They can be intolerable and hard to handle. These are not the people who are dreamers and trailblazers. These are the ones who bring about drama by creating a world that is not understood. They are delusional. It’s hard to actually have a serious conversation with the oblivious person. You hope they get the notion that the universe doesn’t revolve only around them.

5. THEY WHINE, BLAME AND GOSSIP.
The truth is that a person who is sharing gossip with you is also telling your business to others. They blame everyone for their mishaps. They whine about the weather, the boss, the traffic, and anything that can bring on attention. They complain about everyone. They make up stories, embellishing details to make them seem more interesting. In order to stop the nonsense, you have to express your disgust about their behavior.

Difficult people don’t like when the tables turn and they are no longer in charge of stories. When they don’t get what they want from you, they move on to someone else. They don’t appreciate being called out about their negativity. They are those people who just can’t find the speck of sunshine on a cloudy day. They move through manipulation, control, and bratty behavior. You start to see their signs the minute they show zero empathy for another. All you can do is stop the behavior with positive reinforcement, and let them know that you will not tolerate their attitude. We must be grateful for those rude and obnoxious souls who show us what we are never to become.

5 Signs You're Dealing With A Difficult Person

There's one acquaintance I had made on another website who became very difficult in my mind. If I even presented an opposing thought to her own, or if I reflected back to her the obstacles that she herself had placed in her own way of being able to move forward in her life, she became extremely defensive and actually went kind of ballistic on me. She called me cruel and unkind, when I hadn't been cruel at all. I merely was reflecting back to her what I had observed in her, in an effort to actually help her to overcome the obstacles I saw. It was most maddening. We cut off our communications, and she then blocked me on that site, but I was offended because I was only trying to help. To me, it seemed she really didn't want any real help, not help that involved constructive criticism at least, and she didn't want anyone telling her anything about what they observe in her own behavior. That kind of person drives me insane... the kind of person who cannot self reflect AT ALL. And the kind who gets extremely defensive if you provide any sort of constructive criticism. I mean, at least be open to it and listen to it, even if you're feeling defensive at the time, is my thought. At least consider that perhaps you're in your own way of progress. I was really frustrated by this person. And she made me angry when she accused me of being cruel, when I'm not cruel in the least bit.

Me too. They make me feel uncomfortable. Especially when you notice a fake smile. I know many people with nervous or maybe they have to show a smile because they are asked to do in their jobs...I understand it but I better see them without this smile. All it can be perceive as fake, keep me on guard.

Agreed... I don't run into that often, but when I do, I feel wary.

I had a similar experience but I was on the other side, the one who couldn’t see although to be more honest, I never was all closed but I had many doubts. I was confused. So, it took me a time to appreciate what this acquaintance, also known online, wanted me to see. I appreciate now that she had to play a uncomfortable role, only because she saw and she wanted to help me see.

Maybe, Hope, one day this acquaintance of you, it’s gonna appreciate what you tried to do.

Thanks so much for this. It helps me to see things from the other shoes/other side.

I suppose we're only ready to see what we're capable of seeing or admitting to at any particular time.

When I was in school for counseling, they taught us as budding therapists to only work with wherever your client is mentally and emotionally at the time. Meaning, don't push your client to a place they're not yet ready to go. I had forgotten about this most golden advice from my education in the mental field, but I think it's spot on.

And yes, perhaps one day she will appreciate where I was coming from and will realize that it was from a caring place of only wanting to help her.

You’re very welcome.
Yes, I’m convinced that your acquaintance will recognised if (s)he ever is ready to see, especially because I can’t say it for sure, but for the way you express yourself here, you likely were very cautious and kind when talking with her. This is also very important.

I love the buddhist principles. The way they have to understand what’s going on. Without religious connotations. I’m not religious.

Aww, thanks!

I do try to be cautious with my wording so that my caring comes across, but I also am aware that I can be very straight forward and sometimes very blunt in my communications online, and all tonality is lost as are facial expressions.

If she had seen my face and body language through the screen, she would have known that I was actually giving her many big hugs that would have shown my compassion and caring for her.

But I do need to remember that all of that gets lost through online communications. Sometimes I forget this reality, so I'm going to try to be more aware. This conversation is in fact very helpful, because I am seeing where and how I can improve myself as well.

And this acquaintance may never be ready to see what she does that blocks her own progress. I've seen her online on that site since, and she's still very defensive, which speaks to her fragility I do believe. She came across to me as extremely fragile and sensitive. Nothing wrong with that, but she needed to be handled with with very gentle caring, you know? Blunt honesty wasn't going to work for her.

I love Buddhist principles as well. Life is suffering. And I do believe that to be true! My beliefs are a mixture of religions... I take the best from each and created my own religious belief system. LOL.

It’s fine. I think religions had a purpose and it’s a good idea to take the best of them.
As long as you don’t want to create a new sect, it’s ok. lol!

I know what you say. It happens to me the same. I’m not used to using emoticons and I’m not sure why if it’s because of my personality, my own mother tongue and culture but I tend to be very direct. And I have been said many times that I sound angry. When I’m just the opposite. But, this is the image I sometimes portrait online. Of course, when people know me better and they can listen to my voice, they change their opinions.

Some people behave in a difficult manner because they don’t know any better and perhaps aren’t in a right state of mind. It doesn’t excuse bad behaviors but it explains some of it. Some people also think poorly of themselves and feel inadequate and it makes them feel better if they act like they know everything better. It’s them. It’s not you.

Very true!
A friend of mine used to say, bad are the behaviours, not the person.
I love this phrase.
But, of course, you are not gonna take responsibility for the mood or behaviours of others.
One thing is to try to give an explanation and another is blaming yourself. Enough we have already, all of us, with our own ghosts.

Very true!

I ran across another very difficult personality not too long who completely tried to turn the tables on me, accusing me of being a certain way when I called her out, and when in fact, she was the one guilty of being exactly what she accused me of. She tried to turn it all around to make herself the victim and innocent. She's in victim mode, whereby everything is someone else's fault, and certainly NOT her own. NOT the kind of acquaintance I need or want in my social circle.

As I have observed her interacting with others, I notice now how completely TOXIC she is. She is very passive aggressive, she is surly and rude, and she is flat out just a NASTY NASTY person. I regret ever befriending her and thinking otherwise of her because she adopts a facade of niceness, yet underneath it she's a prickly bush with thorns who claims all sort of victimhood. Poor me, poor me, and yet she blames, accuses and points fingers. I'm not the only one who has been pricked by her thorns, I've observed. There's been many, and she's created many enemies as a result. She is most toxic and is a BIG B. Just NASTY and someone I never wish to associate with ever again, if it can be helped.

Oh my, one of those... this person sounds like a peach lol “poor me” “everyone did me wrong, I am a victim” kind. I don’t mind helping if they want to get out of a rot, i help all kind of people. But they usually don’t want to become better people. They don’t want help, it requires work

Ooh yes... and this particular woman claims to be about personal development and self reflection, when she is nowhere near any of that.

It's most sad, really. And yes, she plays the victim role very well! But I see through it all. Very sad, very pathetic.