Painful exchange with my supervisor

I’m sorry, Ruby, you already have answered to my question and I didn’t notice it.

With the new information, in my opinion, the guy was rude and I even tell you, run away from him as much as you can. I don’t like people who takes advantages from the ones who feels for them.
There are many ways to set boundaries with people and taking account your circumstances, he was rude. And you took it in bad because you felt attracted to him, so I do understand your feeling.

Wasn't that awful?

I been on a leave of absence bc of coronavirus pandemic. I told him I'll be back when it all blows over and he was like ok. But just bc I could go back, would it do me any good to actually? He changed. He may have been mad a number of times before, but he was NEVER rude until that moment before his vacation. He's only gonna get worse just like that supervisor at Arby's. And just like that supervisor at Arby's, he used to like me. That's what I mean when I say people change.

I plan on going back for a little while and then transfer to another location. The problem is, I'll have to go through him in order to transfer. How do I tell him?

First i would advise you to not count your chickens before they hatch!

Second, i think we will be returning to a different country, a different time. People will be changed by this experience.

Wait and see. Who knows when we will be returning and how things will be. When you ask for a transfer, you aren’t obligated to disclose the reason.

But sadly if you don’t stop these things, you’ll have another issue at your new work place. Pretty much it won’t stop until you improve. Keep working with your case manager and your therapist. Tell them what’s happening in a workplace and ask to help improve (role play exercises etc).

Maybe not now (unless you do phone therapy) but definitely after it

Idk if that off-the-cuff comment made on the brink of vacation proves that he has changed.

If/when you go back, I suggest that you go with an open mind.

I just wish people knew I'm not a creep.

That great advice

You can work hard to make changes in how you interact with people.. Even people that have told you that like your manager might change his mind over time if he sees you being more mature and not crossing boundaries..

Its not going to be easy it will be hard work for you but its would be a wonderful gift for yourself

Very well said. She has to have her head up while she’s ready to do what’s the best for her and learn. Everyone screw things up sometimes or let us lead for impulses and feelings.

Yesterday, my supervisor called me to ask me what day I'd like to work so he could put me on schedule. I said I still don't feel safe coming back yet and that I'll call him in a few weeks if things improves. Yesterday, we had 30,000 new cases. Today, we are over 31,000. When will things get better? When I call him to return to work eventually (daily new cases under 10,000), I feel a transfer is imminent.

Sometimes I feel like my current supervisor (at McDonald's) is becoming like my former supervisor at Arby's. First off, he made that rude comment right before his vacation. And since I've been on a leave of absence (due to COVID-19), we been on the phone 3 times. He never once asked me how I'm holding up. Yet, I seen him ask my coworkers how they're doing whether they were working or not. I remember when I went into Arby's at the beginning of 2018 (90 days after I got canned), the supervisor there never asked me how I'm doing and never acknowledged that she ever knew me.

I'm tired of being treated like a creep and being accused of obsessing over someone. It feels like looking up to someone or otherwise giving a rats *** about them makes them mad. I know there might be a fine line (more like blurred line) between being nice and being creepy, but where is that line? There's too many grey areas. I can only understand his negative reaction if I was rude, but I wasn't. Likewise, I was never rude at Arby's either. Why is this so hard for me to understand?

Hi Ruby. What does your case worker say? Have you shared what you shared here with us with them? That you don't understand? Perhaps your case worker can help you with this? It's the difference between being professional and being unprofessional, and it seems you struggle with maintaining what are called professional boundaries.

I’d continue working with your case worker and therapist about boundaries and professionalism at work. Keep focusing on that in your therapy and meetings with a case worker

idk if it makes any difference, but right before his vacation, my actual words were that it'd be hard on me not to see him for that whole time he's gone. Is that bad to say?

I'm sorry to say that does strike me as rather too personal to say to a supervisor. It speaks of an emotional connection that isn't considered appropriate in the relationship between a supervisor and supervisee.

It’s inappropriate. I can’t imagine telling my boss that it will be hard for me not to see her when she is on vacation.

You can tell your therapist that you miss your boss. Not telling your boss

Yes, Ruby. I agree with Bill. It’s a very personal remark to do in a profesional context.

I can figure out how bad you feel with such confusion. I understand you feel a little lost.
But, you are doing the right thing by asking yourself questions and going to therapy, working on knowing about boundaries.
So, go ahead.

Don’t be afraid, this supervisor don’t necessarily has to be like the previous one. I guess you feel like the outcast, “the different” but he’s only probably trying to keep boundaries stronger with you. But, you are also changing the knowledge and the attitude toward the situation so there are few probabilities the story happens again the same. Maybe, it’s not gonna be perfect, but changes take time.

How long have you being working for this supervisor?

So far, it’s almost 2 years I’ve been working with him. At Arby’s, my former supervisor stopped liking me after 2.5 years. I would hate for my current supervisor to become like the one at Arby’s.

I understand. So keep your boundaries and act professional. It’s ok to feel certain way, just not ok to share in a work environment. But you can always share with others like you can post here or tell your therapist or someone in your family that you miss your boss. You can express how you feel, just not in that environment and not to that person. Hang in there. You can do it.