Painful exchange with my supervisor

Mar 27, 2020 at 11:09 AM

Two weeks ago, at the end of our last shift together before his vacation, I told him I’ll see him in 2 weeks. I also said it’ll be hard without him here.

His response is that while he’s on his vacation, he won’t even think about me once.

Almost like how my supervisor at Arby’s treated me, although to a lesser extent.

Sometimes when I’m nice and caring, people react negatively everywhere I’ve been. Maybe I should back off a little but the particular exchange I described above didn’t really cross the line. Maybe I’m just cursed bc of my zodiac sign?

AzulOscuro · Mar 27, 2020 at 11:39 AM

Your supervisor was very rude and surely, it’s a matter of him when being this way.
Don’t blame yourself. Obviously, I didn’t know you but if someone would say to me that (s)he’s gonna miss my presence, I would never replied like your supervisor. I would feel loved and accepted.
I think it’s more his or her problem that yours, although you reacted again yourself. Maybe, it’s time to wonder why and look for other strategies, such as, invest less emotionally until you know people very well. You have to protect you.
This is my view with the few details I have, of course.

Note side and kidding: Aren’t you a pisces, right?

winter4me · Mar 27, 2020 at 12:00 PM

Might be time for some meaningful humor like "Gee thanks boss, good to know what a valued employee I am.". Then again, he might not mean You personally, he may mean the Workplace in general.
Of course, you were there, and it is hard to convey a tone in a post.
I have used humor in the past to get beyond a "moment" while still responding and giving a message about how it feels (the stuff funny stuff is made of...isn't so funny)

Mopey · Mar 27, 2020 at 12:20 PM

Yes, that would be a painful exchange for me too, Ruby. I've had many of them. So many people are insensitive like that.

I like Winter's suggestion of what to say. If said somewhat humorously as Winter suggests, that would get your point across without too much heavy duty emotion.

AzulOscuro · Mar 27, 2020 at 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by winter4me

Might be time for some meaningful humor like "Gee thanks boss, good to know what a valued employee I am.". Then again, he might not mean You personally, he may mean the Workplace in general.
Of course, you were there, and it is hard to convey a tone in a post.
I have used humor in the past to get beyond a "moment" while still responding and giving a message about how it feels (the stuff funny stuff is made of...isn't so funny)

This is an awesome reaction. Of course, it’s not the usual if you are an insecure person as I am but I copy you. :-)

seesaw · Mar 27, 2020 at 01:54 PM

I don't know, Ruby, is it possible he was joking at all? If I'm going on vacation the last thing I'm going to think about while I'm gone is work or my coworkers. And if someone said "I'll miss you while you're on vacation" I'd be like "I ain't gonna miss any one! I need my vacation!" I could see this being said with a humorous intent.

Regardless of humor, I don't think his intent was to make you feel bad. But he's your supervisor, not your friend. It's likely he keeps a very strict boundary between work and home. You need to respect that those are his boundaries.

Also remember that what people say is more about them than you. Try to remember to not take passing comments personally or let them be about you and remember that what people say is often a reflection of their own internal state at the moment versus having anything to do with you. It might be only 25% to do with you and 75% to do with how he's feeling in that moment.

Bill3 · Mar 27, 2020 at 02:03 PM

I think that the supervisor's comment was inappropriate.

In my view, something like "Thanks Ruby I appreciate it, see you in two weeks" would have been an appropriate response.

Have Hope · Mar 27, 2020 at 02:03 PM

Ruby, is this the same supervisor you had a crush on and flirted with in the past? If it is the same person, perhaps you’ve crossed boundaries with him too many times and he’s annoyed. If it’s not the same supervisor, then I wouldn’t take it so personally. He probably meant that about all employees.

Mar 27, 2020 at 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Ruby, is this the same supervisor you had a crush on and flirted with in the past? If it is the same person, perhaps you’ve crossed boundaries with him too many times and he’s annoyed. If it’s not the same supervisor, then I wouldn’t take it so personally. He probably meant that about all employees.

It’s the same supervisor. What he said may be true, but it’s a hurtful response to what I said about him going on vacay.

Have Hope · Mar 27, 2020 at 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruby2011

It’s the same supervisor. What he said may be true, but it’s a hurtful response to what I said about him going on vacay.

You’re right. It wasn’t a nice thing for him to have said and he didn’t need to say it that way. It could be indicative of his feelings though about the overt flirtations, you know?

bpcyclist · Mar 27, 2020 at 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seesaw

I don't know, Ruby, is it possible he was joking at all? If I'm going on vacation the last thing I'm going to think about while I'm gone is work or my coworkers. And if someone said "I'll miss you while you're on vacation" I'd be like "I ain't gonna miss any one! I need my vacation!" I could see this being said with a humorous intent.

Regardless of humor, I don't think his intent was to make you feel bad. But he's your supervisor, not your friend. It's likely he keeps a very strict boundary between work and home. You need to respect that those are his boundaries.

Also remember that what people say is more about them than you. Try to remember to not take passing comments personally or let them be about you and remember that what people say is often a reflection of their own internal state at the moment versus having anything to do with you. It might be only 25% to do with you and 75% to do with how he's feeling in that moment.

^^ Yep. I've had people going on vacation say similar things to me. What they were referring to was they job, the place, the work, the whole thing--not particularly me.

divine1966 · Mar 27, 2020 at 02:33 PM

It does sound rude but it’s possible he meant he will not miss the job or the place rather than you personally or maybe he was just joking? Or since you have a crush on him and he possibly knows it because you flirt, he must protect himself.

Mar 27, 2020 at 03:14 PM

Well I've been called a creep multiple times before so that might explain it. Even my coworkers who witnessed my "obsession" called me a creep and made comments about me being in love with him. However, I hadn't had that kind of incident in months. So idk

AzulOscuro · Mar 27, 2020 at 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seesaw

I don't know, Ruby, is it possible he was joking at all? If I'm going on vacation the last thing I'm going to think about while I'm gone is work or my coworkers. And if someone said "I'll miss you while you're on vacation" I'd be like "I ain't gonna miss any one! I need my vacation!" I could see this being said with a humorous intent.

Regardless of humor, I don't think his intent was to make you feel bad. But he's your supervisor, not your friend. It's likely he keeps a very strict boundary between work and home. You need to respect that those are his boundaries.

Also remember that what people say is more about them than you. Try to remember to not take passing comments personally or let them be about you and remember that what people say is often a reflection of their own internal state at the moment versus having anything to do with you. It might be only 25% to do with you and 75% to do with how he's feeling in that moment.

Now, that you mention, it’s likely he said it kidding.

AzulOscuro · Mar 27, 2020 at 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruby2011

It’s the same supervisor. What he said may be true, but it’s a hurtful response to what I said about him going on vacay.

Does he know about your crush with him?

MsLady · Mar 27, 2020 at 03:53 PM

I think he was more implying that he won't be thinking "about you" or any of his colleagues, or his job.. because he's on VACATION! I've heard people joke in this way when taking off for a much needed vacation. I don't know what your relationship with him is like, but it sounds more like an innocent joke about his vacation.. and maybe you personalized it.

Mar 27, 2020 at 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

Does he know about your crush with him?

Yes. He even called me a creep before

Have Hope · Mar 27, 2020 at 05:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruby2011

Yes. He even called me a creep before

I'm very sorry to say it Ruby, but his response is likely due to you crossing professional boundaries with him in the past, especially if he found it to be creepy.

Just as you want respect in your work environment, you need to also respect others' needs for professional boundaries and appropriate professional behavior while working.

Your own behavior doesn't justify his mean comment by any means, but it helps to explain where he's coming from at least.

Buffy01 · Mar 27, 2020 at 09:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruby2011

Two weeks ago, at the end of our last shift together before his vacation, I told him I’ll see him in 2 weeks. I also said it’ll be hard without him here.

His response is that while he’s on his vacation, he won’t even think about me once.

Almost like how my supervisor at Arby’s treated me, although to a lesser extent.

Sometimes when I’m nice and caring, people react negatively everywhere I’ve been. Maybe I should back off a little but the particular exchange I described above didn’t really cross the line. Maybe I’m just cursed bc of my zodiac sign?

I understand how you feel. I used to work at Arby.

Mar 27, 2020 at 09:56 PM

you have crossed boundaries with him before.

you have been inappropriate at the workplace before.

he is going on vacation. chances are he is going on vacation and wants nothing to do with work or the people involved with it while he is gone...especially given the pressure with the changes involved with health concerns.

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Painful exchange with my supervisor

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Mopey Magnate Member Since Oct 2018 Location: California Posts: 2,025 5 1,520 hugs given	Mar 27, 2020 at 12:20 PM #4 Yes, that would be a painful exchange for me too, Ruby. I've had many of them. So many people are insensitive like that. I like Winter's suggestion of what to say. If said somewhat humorously as Winter suggests, that would get your point across without too much heavy duty emotion. __________________
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Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,924 15 24.1k hugs given	Mar 27, 2020 at 02:03 PM #7 I think that the supervisor's comment was inappropriate. In my view, something like "Thanks Ruby I appreciate it, see you in two weeks" would have been an appropriate response.
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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,407 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,277 hugs given	Mar 27, 2020 at 02:33 PM #12 It does sound rude but it’s possible he meant he will not miss the job or the place rather than you personally or maybe he was just joking? Or since you have a crush on him and he possibly knows it because you flirt, he must protect himself.
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Anonymous49235 Guest Posts: n/a	Mar 27, 2020 at 03:14 PM #13 Well I've been called a creep multiple times before so that might explain it. Even my coworkers who witnessed my "obsession" called me a creep and made comments about me being in love with him. However, I hadn't had that kind of incident in months. So idk
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MsLady Poohbah Member Since Mar 2020 Location: Earth Posts: 1,143 4 360 hugs given	Mar 27, 2020 at 03:53 PM #16 I think he was more implying that he won't be thinking "about you" or any of his colleagues, or his job.. because he's on VACATION! I've heard people joke in this way when taking off for a much needed vacation. I don't know what your relationship with him is like, but it sounds more like an innocent joke about his vacation.. and maybe you personalized it.
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Anonymous45634 Guest Posts: n/a	Mar 27, 2020 at 09:56 PM #20 you have crossed boundaries with him before. you have been inappropriate at the workplace before. he is going on vacation. chances are he is going on vacation and wants nothing to do with work or the people involved with it while he is gone...especially given the pressure with the changes involved with health concerns.
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