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rdgrad15
Keep striving to be happy and maintain a positive
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Member Since: Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#21
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Open Eyes
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Open Eyes
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Legendary Wise Elder
Open Eyes
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#22
No, you don't sound arrogant at all. Yet, I do find it troubling how some teachers assess intelligence and can force their assessment on individuals when they are not really qualified to do so. And sometimes, what it can boil down to is how that teacher isn't a very good teacher too, could be they may simply be too black and white and fail to recognize the very important grays. And this particular teacher ONLY focused on the behavior and never THE IMPORTANT WHY. What I witnessed my older brother experience would be considered child abuse today.
Yet, it's not just teachers but often all different kinds of adult authority figures that can contribute to condeming when it's simply not deserved. |
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rdgrad15
Keep striving to be happy and maintain a positive
mental attitude! :)
Member Since: Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
199 hugs
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#23
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divine1966
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#24
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I had a teacher complaining to my parents that I was “arrogant”. The reason was that I corrected him when he was wrong. He would make a very obvious mistake and I’d not hesitate to correct him. It should be encouraged to correct if teacher made a mistake, no one is perfect and it’s excellent if students can see a mistake, but oh no not with that guy. So he’d call my parents to complain several times, they just rolled their eyes at him. They thought I was in the right. When he got no support from them, he called my grandma. Can you believe it? Oh you had to know my grandma. She wasn’t the one to take BS either. So he got nowhere. That dude was something else. I am still friends with several of my classmates and he forever went down in history. He was so asinine Principal office my *****. I was kicked out for laughing several times. I still tend to laugh a lot, it’s just how I am. Maybe they thought I was laughing at them. Oh memories memories |
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rdgrad15
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Legendary Wise Elder
Open Eyes
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#25
It's nice to be able to have a sense of humor, but back when my brother and I experienced this crap, he would get home and get dragged in a shed and hit with a belt and told if he cried he would only get hit harder.
Like I mentioned, now that would all be considered child abuse. I have a strong feeling that many in my generation began to pay attention to the affects of this kind of abuse and decided to ask important "whys". That helped when it came to addressing challenges in my daughter's generation. Oh the memories can be very cruel and can last a lifetime for some. What impresses me about my older brother is that he did not take drugs or use drugs or alcohol, he made it all on his own and paid for his own education and everything. Last edited by Open Eyes; Apr 03, 2020 at 06:15 PM.. |
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rdgrad15
Keep striving to be happy and maintain a positive
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Member Since: Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#26
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Nowadays, it would definitely be considered abuse. I'm glad things have changed. I totally believe in disciplining children but hitting is not the answer. Only exception would be is if a little child did something dangerous, like stick their finger in an electrical socket or run into the middle of the road while cars are coming and you give them a slap or two on the hand. But otherwise, I wouldn't do it. |
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rdgrad15
Keep striving to be happy and maintain a positive
mental attitude! :)
Member Since: Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
199 hugs
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#27
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Open Eyes
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#28
I did not allow any hitting in my home. You can punish a child for bad behavior without resorting to hitting. I am very sorry you were hit so much growing up. Perhaps certain types of people bother you because of that and the people who come off as superior like you described cause you to have those vibes so you distance from them.
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Open Eyes
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#29
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When you are trying to learn anything and have a presence around you that is threatening and can trigger your amygdala to get too active, then it interfers with the frontal lobe's ability to concentrate which is needed in learning. So if you have a teacher that has a horrible attitude that upsets your amygdala, then you go home and face more confrontation by being hit etc., that will leave someone with an over active amygdala everytime they try to learn that specific area be it math, reading, writing, whatever. Without realizing it you are actually using math constantly so it's not like you can't really learn it. Also, NOW we know that some individuals need to learn differently depending on how their brain is wired. Doesn't mean the person is stupid, some actually may even have a genuis IQ. |
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rdgrad15
Keep striving to be happy and maintain a positive
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Member Since: Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#30
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Open Eyes
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#31
That's like what my daughter does, and what I even taught children myself. My daughter competes with her horses, they all have to go through extensive training for that, SHE, herself has to go through extrensive training for that as well. And there is a LOT of math involved and before each competition the riders go and and walk the courses and while they are doing that they are literally planning it all out mathimatically in their minds and considering the horse's strides as horses can have different strides and ya gotta know that in order to make all come out right in the competition. For example, the average stride of a cantering horse is that it covers 12 feet of ground with each stride, each jump is set at a certain height and distance from other jumps. You need to walk it out so you can calculate the strides between fences and how the fences are set and the angles, then you have to see where your horse needs to take off jump and land so it has enough room to do the strides to the next fence. My daughter's horse is more of a challenge in that his stride is 14 ft. He covers more ground with that and it can do well if his jumping is timed but she has to walk it out so she can come up with the plan in her mind so she rides her horse in a way that everything works out. LOL, the spectator can say "hmm, looks boring and they are doing the same circles" wrong, not when you know all that is really involved with what you are watching a rider actually do when they do that course of jumps.
If you have a trainer with a bad attitude, that can throw a rider off because you don't want to go into a huge math problem like that with your amygdala too active. Young children learning all this don't need that extra distraction of a bad attitude trainer. That's when they need to learn this math and learn to focus the most to set a good foundation. Because it's NOT what you don't get that's important it's what you DO get that means you are learning. As it all comes together if given the right amount of time and instructor it's an achievement not only for the rider but also the horse. Horses need the rider to do well too, especially young horses that are learning about it all too. |
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rdgrad15
Keep striving to be happy and maintain a positive
mental attitude! :)
Member Since: Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
199 hugs
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#32
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rdgrad15
Keep striving to be happy and maintain a positive
mental attitude! :)
Member Since: Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
199 hugs
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#33
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Legendary Wise Elder
Open Eyes
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#34
Teaching children through creating fear in them is always a bad idea period.
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rdgrad15
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rdgrad15
Keep striving to be happy and maintain a positive
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Member Since: Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
199 hugs
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#35
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Open Eyes
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#36
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rdgrad15
Keep striving to be happy and maintain a positive
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Member Since: Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
199 hugs
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#37
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Open Eyes
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#38
I think it's great that you arrived at a point where you can recognize your own intelligence. When I was teaching young children the one thing I wanted to help them with the most is not so much about the riding, but more about their discovering their own intelligence. I only had them for an hour once a week, so, I made the best of that hour with each child. I would think about what I was observing while I began working with each child and I would plan my lessons around what I felt that child would respond to the best and they were all different.
My goal when I was teaching was to have their lesson end with them walking away from my ring feeling good about themselves. It did not matter to me how fast they learned or how perfect they were either. What mattered to me the most is how they all learned to recognize how they can conquer their fears and that by trying and doing as I guided them along, they actually slowly conquered how to do more and more. That child may not continue with the riding, may not ever become some master at riding either. That was not important, what was important was how their experience learning how to ride contributed to their also learning about how they learned and felt good as they gained more and more skills. The other thing I taught each child was to learn to respect the pony they were riding. I taught them that they needed to think about the pony and how what she was doing for them was something she had to learn how to do and that each time they rode her she too was learning how to be there for them while they learned. This was a part of teaching them to develop empathy instead of expecting that pony to just go along with things like an object that doesn't have feelings and needs. The children had to learn that they were not sitting on a bike or swing, but something alive with feelings and needs too. They got to learn about what "personality" meant too because the pony definitely had a personality. It was important each child not only learned how to be happy about learning, but to also learn to appreciate and think about the pony too. It's a foundation to learning how to recognize the needs of others too. So in effect, it's about learning how to feel good about "self" and at the same time also learning about being "caring" too. Also, to learn about "appreciation" and "respect". A lot of the time I had riding shoes and riding pants and different helmets that other children out grew. That gave me a chance to show these children something else. It gave me a chance to help them learn how things other children had and outgrew could help them have these things to wear and use too, "sharing". These children often started with me at around age 5. A very important age for a child to learn all of what I am sharing with you to build a good foundation that can actually last a lifetime. The pony I found and put a lot time into so I could teach these very young children most definetly did have a personality rdgrad. This pony was a lot like Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. Her personality was "Weeeeell OOOOK". Kinda lazy but always went along with things you wanted of her. LOL, this pony would see the bridle and she knew she would be expected to do things. As soon as she saw the bridle she would literally roll her eyes and begin to yawn. I taught her to understand the word for what she was doing when she did that, and she began to understand the word meant what she was doing when she rolled her eyes and yawned. It was so funny rdgrad. It was great because I could show children how ponies and horses really do have PERSONALITIES. Actually I don't know what I enjoyed more, the parent's reactions when they saw this or the child's reaction. Also, what this pony did was provide children with something to share and talk about with their parents too. It's different than seeing some character in a book or a movie, instead it was a real living animal with a real personality and ability to be a real little friend too. So, I would say to the pony "Snickers are you tired are you going to YAWN?" And sure enough Snickers would hear me say that and she would roll her big eyes and Yawn and Yawn. It was so funny rdgrad. I wanted children to learn that it was not JUST about getting on and taking over and thinking about this pony as some kind of object which would be objectifying. But instead learning to recognized something much more important, "the value of another life" and what it means to "recognize feelings in others". Part of what I was teaching these young children was "understanding emotions". One of the things this pony was sensitive about was when it came time to put on the saddle and pull the girth around her to keep the saddle on. We used to call it "grouchy time" because she always pinned her ears back and sometimes nipped at the post I tied her to when grooming her and getting her ready. I explained to each child WHY she was grouchy like this too. I explained to each of them that before I got her someone only looked at her as an object and when they put that saddle on they did not do it nice, but instead did it quick and pulled it too tight too fast pinching the pony each time. I explained to the children that it was not her fault, that someone was rough with her a lot and now she thinks that is what it will be like so we need to not be mean to her, but work around it. This was helping children learn that not all behaviors mean a pony is bad, but more about how a pony was treated badly. I wanted to teach children that a lot of people don't know how to be nice and how I wanted them to learn how to be different and be "nice". I wanted the children to learn how to be "caring". When I read what you share rdgrad, how your father hit you and encouraged you to have fear, how that teacher was such a lousy teacher and you grew convinced you are not good at math? What you are sharing is individuals who did not know about "emotions and caring" and instead "objectified". It's no wonder you struggle with panic attacks and anxiety related issues. And yet, you are a nice person despite that history, and that's just how my little pony was too. And my pony never got over being sensitive when it came time to pull the girth around her belly so the saddle would stay on her back. She more than made up for that because of how patient she was with all the different children that spent time with her. Especially with children that had significant challenges and special needs. This pony with her Eeyore personality that went along with anything I asked her too touched so many lives during her life. She would stand very quietly while parents would slowly bring a wheelchair with their very challenged child up to her and lift this child onto her back and both parents would be on each side of this pony holding that child up so he could experience what it felt like to ride a pony. This pony would visit him until his brain disease finally took his life. Yet, this child got to experience what it was like to ride a pony and his parents got to see him SMILE. What so many people do not know is that in order for that to be able to happen, the pony had to be pretty patient and amazing and have the "personality" that made that child's experience with his parents "possible". One thing I never lost sight of was how amazing and valueable that pony really was. That pony was such a big part of how I touched so many lives in so many ways. And after that pony helped me teach what I felt was so valueable and helped me create that confident happy child that walked away after spending time with me and this pony, I always knelt down on my knees and kissed this pony and let her know how much I loved her and appreciated what she did for me that day. Unfortunately, there are people that tout their education, their titles, and their sense of superiority and do not have any idea the true value of what I did or why that pony was so important and so valueable. These individuals often decide that if you don't sit in some classroom and get some good grade and attain some important title that you don't really have much knowledge and intelligence or are worthy of respect. It's pretty much the same attitude as that teacher that had such a bad attitude and convinced you to believe you are not so good at math. I don't believe you can't learn math, what I do believe is you don't learn math when someone is teaching it to you with a "bad attitude". Not only in that teacher, but also in your father who was in fact a horrible father who chose to hit you too many times. It's pretty damn amazing that you were able to discover you ARE in fact intelligent despite that awful history. Sigh...what saddens me is the anxiety you experience that's just like that very special truely amazing pony was left with because she had been "objectified" instead of appreciated for how really special she was. |
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rdgrad15
Keep striving to be happy and maintain a positive
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Member Since: Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#39
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Most of the time I talk about stuff that happened in college since it is more recent but it was no where near as bad and messed up as high school. That could be its own post. But yeah, thank you for sharing your story about teaching others about riding a pony, that is great! And I agree that teaching someone in a positive way helps make those you're teaching feel appreciated and in return, will be more willing to learn from you and even be more respectful towards you. |
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Open Eyes
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#40
Yes, unfortunately, that gossip and rumor crap does happen a lot. It's one of those learned behavior patterns that is often passed down by parents too. I don't think one can irradicate that from humanity as it's one the things human beings have practiced throughout human history. It's often something a person chooses as a weapon when they are jealous or need to cover up their own bad behaviors and lack of understanding and fears. Then there are the quiet conversations that can happen when someone is hurt and needs support too.
I don't think there is a way to stop that from taking place in humanity. Last edited by Open Eyes; Apr 04, 2020 at 01:18 PM.. |
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