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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#1
Has anyone experienced trusting someone in helping you get something done or confiding in something personal, only for them to reveal whatever you confided in them or messed something up? And if it happened, did you accept the responsibility but mentally decide to not trust them again? I know I've had the experience of getting something done, and someone offers to help me or even complete it. Then later on, I find out they either didn't follow through or messed up in a way which would get me in trouble. I would accept responsibility but mentally decide to not allow someone to complete something again so I don't get in trouble. In a similar way, if it is a case where someone, for whatever reason, does go to complete something I was asked to do, usually chores, I will make sure there is no mistakes or that whatever needed done is done.
Same thing for confiding in someone, usually someone I considered a friend, about something. I may tell them something that is bothering me, nothing serious. Nothing like self harm or suicide, never ever. But it would still be something that is bothering me. I would trust that they don't tell anyone, only to find out they told someone who I didn't think needed to know and may have even been lectured because of it. In that instance, I usually decide to not trust them as well, which is way more common. I've never gotten in trouble at work, I wouldn't dare trust my coworkers to complete something for me. Heck no. But in instances outside of work, it has happened. I hate to sound paranoid but I'd rather make sure someone actually follows through with their promise or I do it myself rather than get in trouble. |
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Buffy01, unaluna, WovenGalaxy
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Buffy01
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2020
Location: USA
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#2
Dear rdgrad15,
These things happened to me too. It is disheartening and aggravating. I found something that helps me though. Sincerely yours, -- Yao Wen |
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rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#3
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Legendary
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#4
Yes, I have confided in people I thought I could trust who proved untrustworthy. You are right to not fall into their trap yet again by trusting them.
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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rdgrad15, WovenGalaxy
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
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#5
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TishaBuv
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Legendary
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#6
It’s not all people who will betray your confidence, though. You just have to find people who you really can trust.
__________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
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#7
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Legendary
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#8
I tend to be pretty trusting until someone shows me I can’t. Also, I’m careful to not overly trust, like giving someone my password.
I had a life-long friend who really shocked me by a huge betrayal in telling people something hurtful about me that she knew wasn’t true. Not only did she betray my confidence, but she knowingly lied to trump up malicious gossip against me... this was someone who professed to be my best friend for 40 years! We’re no longer friends. I feel so violated about it. Moreso because it wasn’t even true and she knew that because I had told her. This was an enemy posing as a friend! Things have been more peaceful without her. I have two friends, and they are both nice. I spend time with others volunteering for an organization and all those people are nice. You just have to seek out quality people. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#9
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TishaBuv
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Wise Elder
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#10
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rdgrad15
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Magnate
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Location: Pennsylvania
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#11
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#12
I think it's part of things we learn as we navigate through our lives. That's like all the people who invested large sums of their money to Berney Madoff. People like Stephen Speilburg and other very wealthy talented and successful people. Many were too ashamed to admit they were one of the many taken advantage of.
I have seen people do dishonest and disengenuous things and watched other people get sucked into their deceptive web. It happens a lot. |
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rdgrad15
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Magnate
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#13
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Open Eyes
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#14
I've definitely trusted a few people in my lifetime with confidences that they couldn't keep. Fortunately I'm at a point in my life where I have gotten fairly good at vetting people. About a year ago I ran into someone who I shared a little more information than I should have with, only to realize they weren't very trustworthy but fortunately I wasn't very close with them and not much damage was done.
As you get older you get better at seeing people for who they are faster. __________________ What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly? Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia. Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less... |
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Open Eyes, rdgrad15, WovenGalaxy
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#15
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Open Eyes
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#16
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Good for you being insightful and mindful who you trust in personal life and at work. Hugs |
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rdgrad15
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
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#17
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divine1966
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#18
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Years later I would learn about certain challenges when it came to that lack and yet how it was never a true marker for intellectual ability. I grew up during a time when so little was known about these challenges. And unfortunately, individuals with these challenges were encouraged to feel they were stupid and could not achieve like others. My brother had this math teacher that was a very tall man and could be intimidating to a child. He was so horrible to my older brother, called him an idiot in front of the entire class and told him he was wasting his time at school. Well, my older brother had adhd and dyslexia and he was actually far from being stupid but back then they did not understand that in children so they punished them instead and called them lazy and losers etc. Ironically, my older brother, despite his challenge with learning ended up staying the course, and even put himself through college despite having to work extra hard at it which is often the case for these kinds of challenges. He ended up graduating with honors and became very successful in the business world making more than 4 times what this math teacher earned. Sometimes we face challenges with our work collegues and often they are protecting themselves in ways we don't even realize. It doesn't mean they are evil, or narcissists, but just need to be recognized for their part in the bigger picture. It's possible that you may run into individuals that simply don't want to be blamed for something they did not do. So it may not be so much about you, but how that person may worry about not being respected for what they do contribute. Unfortunately, people can be labelled stupid when in fact they actually do have abilities and intelligence that deserve respect. My older brother stayed back two years in grammar school, He did have a hard time, more due to his being misunderstood. Many witnessed how badly he was treated over the years. And when he did graduate high school EVERYONE of his piers stood up and gave him a standing ovation. All these years later while recalling our past while facing the last years of our parent's lives, he said to me "I did not feel I had many friends in High School", yet I know what I saw that day when they called his name and he walked up to get his diploma. It was quite an experience to see that standing ovation he got and it WAS genuine. Last edited by Open Eyes; Apr 03, 2020 at 01:55 PM.. |
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mote.of.soul, rdgrad15, seesaw
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#19
Ugh, got interupted. just wanted to finish about my brother. I did not know he had held onto how mean that teacher was to him. And he told me that once he got out in the business world and was so very successful, he did copy his earnings and sent it to that teacher and said, "how is that math for ya?".
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mote.of.soul, rdgrad15, seesaw
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Magnate
Member Since Apr 2016
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,740
8 199 hugs
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#20
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