Passive Aggressive People

AzulOscuro · Apr 13, 2020 at 08:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

From this article, passive aggressiveness almost seems like a defense mechanism of sorts.

From Psychology Today:

"Passive-aggressive behavior often arises when an individual feels powerless and lacks a strong voice in a challenging environment. If the negative life experience is salient enough to be psychologically anchored, one’s passive-aggressive instinct may emerge repeatedly in other, approximating dynamics (such as a husband who unconsciously deals with his mother issues through his wife). The passive-aggressive, out of the fear of being dominated once more, may utilize a set of survival and resistance strategies to avoid (in his or her perception) being victimized again.

It’s often difficult to gain a full picture of why a passive-aggressive behaves as she or he does. However, even a partial understanding can help increase awareness and improve communication.

Below are six possible root causes of passive-aggressive behavior, with excerpts from my book, How to Successfully Handle Passive-Aggressive People.

1. One’s family history. Was there a strong and possibly domineering parent or sibling in the passive-aggressive’s life? Was there competition for attention, affection, and approval? Was there a power struggle over obedience, conformity, and individual identity?

2. If there's a dominant individual in the passive-aggressive’s family, did the passive-aggressive witness/observe others in the family using passive-aggressive tactics to resist (fight), avoid (flight) or stonewall (freeze)? Were difficult emotions, such as anger, frustration, hurt, defensiveness, or resentment kept hidden but simmering?

3. Was/is there a dominant figure of the opposite sex who exerted an inordinate degree of influence? This can be a parent or sibling. It can also be a teacher, friend, community leader, romantic partner, or colleague. Observe the power dynamics of how the passive-aggressive interacts with a strong woman or man. Does the passive-aggressive fight and resist subversively? Flight and avoid important problems? Or freeze and go into denial?

4. For a female passive-aggressive, was she influenced by one or more domineering male figures growing up? Did or does she have to deal with male-dominant environments such as family, school, or work? Was/is her experience with other women competitive (i.e. jealousy) rather than cooperative or supportive?

5. Did the passive-aggressive experience any social weaknesses and/or disadvantages during her or his formative years? This may include being judged or made fun of due to appearance, or perceived lack of intellectual, speech, social or physical ability. What about presently?

6. Were there any societal constraints that inhibited the passive-aggressive’s freedom of expression? This may include being the target of gender bias, cultural discrimination, class difference, homophobia, religious conformity, attitudinal correctness, and/or other socio-cultural restrictions.

article:
What Makes People Passive-Aggressive? 6 Possible Causes | Psychology Today

The article you posted took me to another where passive aggressive behaviours were described and for a moment I got all scared. Stab in the back among others. I don’t achieve such extremes. As much I ignore you or go far from you if I felt hurt and nothing can be done.

It’s interesting. There’s another article that point to child abuse as a cause for the passive aggressive behaviour. It makes lots of sense since the person who uses these passive aggressive patters are reproducing both roles, the one of the abuser and the one of himself, the abused.

AzulOscuro · Apr 13, 2020 at 08:16 PM

It’s so important a kid feels himself loved, accepted, listened, respected. So important. Thanks god, we are now more aware than ever about how important it is because we are born with a temperament. Researchers were done with babies to know whether we were born with a higher or lower level of resilience and it came out that yes, we have a tendency. But, brought up is so relevant.

divine1966 · Apr 13, 2020 at 10:33 PM

That was an excellent article about causes of passive aggressive behaviors. Definitely food for thought. It explains a lot. Doesn’t necessarily excuses bad behaviors but explains why people might behave in this manner

ARaven0137 · Apr 14, 2020 at 04:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Have Hope

From this article, passive aggressiveness almost seems like a defense mechanism of sorts.

From Psychology Today:

"Passive-aggressive behavior often arises when an individual feels powerless and lacks a strong voice in a challenging environment. If the negative life experience is salient enough to be psychologically anchored, one’s passive-aggressive instinct may emerge repeatedly in other, approximating dynamics (such as a husband who unconsciously deals with his mother issues through his wife). The passive-aggressive, out of the fear of being dominated once more, may utilize a set of survival and resistance strategies to avoid (in his or her perception) being victimized again.

It’s often difficult to gain a full picture of why a passive-aggressive behaves as she or he does. However, even a partial understanding can help increase awareness and improve communication.

Below are six possible root causes of passive-aggressive behavior, with excerpts from my book, How to Successfully Handle Passive-Aggressive People.

1. One’s family history. Was there a strong and possibly domineering parent or sibling in the passive-aggressive’s life? Was there competition for attention, affection, and approval? Was there a power struggle over obedience, conformity, and individual identity?

2. If there's a dominant individual in the passive-aggressive’s family, did the passive-aggressive witness/observe others in the family using passive-aggressive tactics to resist (fight), avoid (flight) or stonewall (freeze)? Were difficult emotions, such as anger, frustration, hurt, defensiveness, or resentment kept hidden but simmering?

3. Was/is there a dominant figure of the opposite sex who exerted an inordinate degree of influence? This can be a parent or sibling. It can also be a teacher, friend, community leader, romantic partner, or colleague. Observe the power dynamics of how the passive-aggressive interacts with a strong woman or man. Does the passive-aggressive fight and resist subversively? Flight and avoid important problems? Or freeze and go into denial?

4. For a female passive-aggressive, was she influenced by one or more domineering male figures growing up? Did or does she have to deal with male-dominant environments such as family, school, or work? Was/is her experience with other women competitive (i.e. jealousy) rather than cooperative or supportive?

5. Did the passive-aggressive experience any social weaknesses and/or disadvantages during her or his formative years? This may include being judged or made fun of due to appearance, or perceived lack of intellectual, speech, social or physical ability. What about presently?

6. Were there any societal constraints that inhibited the passive-aggressive’s freedom of expression? This may include being the target of gender bias, cultural discrimination, class difference, homophobia, religious conformity, attitudinal correctness, and/or other socio-cultural restrictions.

article:
What Makes People Passive-Aggressive? 6 Possible Causes | Psychology Today

That's really good and thanks for sharing that. I gave it some thought and I grew up in an environment where women should not be too direct, especially in conflict. I do my best to be direct, but I work in an environment where sometimes standing your ground appropriately is bad for your health and career so I go into guerrilla warfare mode. There is still a lot of bias that I experience where women should be seen and not heard and should just obey so I peck away at their pillars of greatness from below when I have to.

Have Hope · Apr 14, 2020 at 05:44 AM

Yeah, I thought that article was eye opening. It helped me to understand it better. I grew up where anger was never expressed openly, so I learned to bury my anger and took it inwards against myself. I was never really passive aggressive, but I had trouble dealing with anger most of my life. I am still learning how to appropriately handle it.

sarahsweets · Apr 24, 2020 at 04:50 AM

I may have said this before but passive aggressive people are cowards and taking the cowards way out of things. If someone has a problem with your work then can you have your manager or boss look it over? Do you have to let the gatekeeper look at it? Its clear she isnt on your team.

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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,376 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,277 hugs given	Apr 13, 2020 at 10:33 PM #23 That was an excellent article about causes of passive aggressive behaviors. Definitely food for thought. It explains a lot. Doesn’t necessarily excuses bad behaviors but explains why people might behave in this manner
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