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Legendary Wise Elder
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#281
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But I totally understand wanting to be certain weight regardless what the guidelines say. |
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Wise Elder
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#282
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__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#283
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I just don’t want you to be unrealistic and too idealistic about how you expect yourself to look as you approach 50s. I am sure you present yourself well and it’s just as important as being thin. Having said that, of course you should be in charge of her own food intake. Your husband shouldn’t have a say in what you eat. You deserve to be happy with your life: your job, your marriage and your looks. Change what you can change and accept what you cannot change. Some things we can’t change like we will never look 30 no matter if we remain skinny or not It’s been hard to keep weight off during pandemics. Sitting home and gyms are closed and up until now it’s been too cold to work out outside. I think we all gain weight now |
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Wise Elder
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Location: Eastern, USA
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#284
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Yes aging sucks and I know my metabolism has changed. But my goal is to put on my bikinis this summer at some point and to feel good about how I look, regardless. I’m getting up the determination to lose this damned weight. Only just a few years ago I still looked great for my age. I want to feel that way again. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Legendary
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#285
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I think when we first get married and feel settled down, it’s typical to get relaxed with eating unhealthy foods; like we’re on a long honeymoon. I know hy husband put on a little weight right away from my cooking vs his barely eating while single. It could also be partly the reasons mentioned earlier, he wants you to not be so attractive to other men or he just wants a buddy to eat with because it’s more fun. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Wise Elder
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Location: Eastern, USA
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#286
Quote:
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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TishaBuv
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Legendary
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#287
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I had sort of a reverse attitude with my husband, maybe not so healthy either. He liked it when I’d look hot, even get looks from other men. He’d make derogatory comments about heavy women in all the time I know him. Now I’ve gotten heavy; maybe meds or just age. He says he’s okay with it. I don’t feel good about it. Having willpower to not eat the bad foods is very hard for me, too. Be strong! __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T |
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Wise Elder
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Location: Eastern, USA
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#288
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Thing is, he’s made comments about heavier women not looking attractive so that also makes me think it’s so I’m less attractive to other men. Ive gotten the sense that he’s very insecure. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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divine1966
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Wise Elder
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#289
@TishaBuv, you brought up a good point, which is we do have some big issues at play.
So here is where I am at today: I am navigating my way through my feelings towards him, and my feelings about each of these issues. The questions I have right now are: can each of these issues be improved upon and controlled? He can certainly control his anger, and that will be up to him to determine. He can also control how he responds to my dieting needs and my wishes around foods we eat, which has been better today. And he can have sex with me more frequently, which is what I asked of him. All of these things can be improved upon. In the meantime, I am trying to figure out how I feel about him in general. Some days I feel I truly love him still, and on other days, I feel like it's waning. I am also grappling with my own idealistic way of thinking that everything needs to be perfect, when life itself is not perfect. I recall @divine1966 telling me/us that her own wedding was far from perfect. But mine was far from perfect because of HIM and how he was treating me, not because of circumstances, which is far different. I went into this marriage with doubts and thought I was making a mistake, after we had just had a HUGE blowout fight only days before the wedding. I didn't want to back out last minute for a number of reasons that were very valid to me at the time, and still are very valid in my mind. But that is no way to start out in a marriage: with doubts. I know many people may have doubts, but perhaps not about how you're going to be treated in the marriage and relationship. So I am sitting with my feelings. I am not going to make any rash decisions... I am muddling through to see how I feel in general and to see if things improve at all. It's difficult to walk through each day though having these doubts floating around in my head.... the doubts being about whether things will improve or not and about how I feel. This is not easy. Next weekend I will visit with a somewhat new-ish girlfriend of mine who is far older, wiser and mature -- she is very lovely and a most beautiful person on the inside and outside. I love her spirit, I love her wisdom and I love everything about who she is. She married and divorced an abusive man, and has a lot of great bits of wisdom to share. She has been a great source of support for me over the last year. So we're going to hang out next weekend for the first time just the two of us. I'm really looking forward to being able to talk more with her about all that is going on. She helps to provide clarity for me, and supports me either way, if I decide to stay or leave. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Wise Elder
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Location: Eastern, USA
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#290
I'm also waiting out this pandemic. We both have depression and anxiety issues. There was stress because of his work situation and the pandemic. Things were good only just a few months ago and I felt comfortable and happy. This could be a phase. Though there are real issues at play that must be improved upon.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#291
Hm maybe I didn’t explain myself well. I think my wedding was just perfect. It was a lot of fun, it was just two of us eloping in a hilariously trashy town in a neighbor state with pot heads in a court room clapping to us. (Woman in elevator in court asked us if are from out of state, we asked how she knew and she said because we are dressed up -not white dress but still kind of festive and people in their town never dress up lol lol lol ).
We have absolutely hilarious memories of it. We didn’t want big wedding or getting people from out of town or out of a country (and they would have to travel again for month later for my nephew), we already had big weddings many years ago and we raised children and didn’t want to have big to do at 50. It was easy as that state requires no witnesses and no applications. You come as you are snd get married. We liked it! We don’t care about second weddings, we put our money into going on a honeymoon right from there. Also my nephew had a huge wedding like right after us getting married and we fell it was wrong to steal the thunder. I don’t think weddings matter. I mean it’s nice when you are young and start family but i won’t measure success of a marriage by success of a wedding. I’ve been to some lavish weddings and people were divorced in a year. I seriously think it doesn’t matter at all. Like no significance. It matters how you two live together after it. |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
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#292
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When I look at my own wedding pictures, I look at them with fondness and I see true happiness on my face, despite us fighting on the morning of the wedding. We both look happy. I didn't know yet what was to follow. And I wonder if in part I was happy to finally be getting married because it's what I had wanted all of my adult years (in secret). I waited until late forties to marry. But I genuinely look happy. and as I recall, I did feel happy. Our honeymoon was a mixed bag. Some wonderful moments and some not so wonderful moments. It was mainly just relaxing, with a lot of pampering. Not a lot of sex though, even on our honeymoon, which concerned me greatly. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#293
I am glad to hear about you meeting up with a friend. It sounds wonderful
I always had doubts in every relationship and was always one foot out. Before and during, sometimes on and off but it typically would start early on in a relationship. I always planned my exit pretty much before I even made an entrance. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#294
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I don’t know about sex... The most sex I ever had was in the worst relationships I had. Honestly. I don’t put much weight on amount of sex honestly. But everyone has different expectations and needs. We were very busy on our honeymoon, it was a city vacation, not tropics or resorts. We weren’t in a hotel enough to have much sex plus I hate to do it in hotel rooms lol lol I didn’t give it much thought |
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unaluna
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
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#295
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I hate admitting this, but it's helped me to grow into who I am now. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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guy1111
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Wise Elder
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#296
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You know, you make a good point about the sex. I am a pretty sexual person. but I don't require it every day -- 1-2 times per week would satisfy me well enough. We only had sex on our wedding night. That was it. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#297
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Wise Elder
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#298
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And that's what I am afraid of right now. Is my gut telling me to get out and leave? It's what I have been struggling with over the last couple of days. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#299
Do your pros outweigh your cons?
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Wise Elder
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#300
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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