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Old 05-22-2020, 03:13 PM   #241
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

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These two are good articles. And I think they mention external and internal stressors as well as gives you pointers how to deal with external stressor for yourself and for your partner

Is Stress Killing Your Relationship? Why You're Not Alone | Psychology Today

10 Ways to Fight Stress Spillover in Your Relationship | Psychology Today

I really liked this quote from your first link:

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"Likewise, a couple who is typically affectionate may have little affection when stressed and as a result come to believe that they have an issue with affection and time together, rather than recognizing it is just the stress. These misperceptions can create dissatisfaction with otherwise healthy relationships and lead people to try to solve the wrong problem (communication, affection) rather than identifying and solving the actual source of the issue (stress)."
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Old 05-22-2020, 03:44 PM   #242
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

I don’t want to project my issues here. This thing with sex, stress, and control has been the bane of my existence. My thinking may be faulty concerning intimacy and that’s why I can’t make it work.

The outside stressors we had were many and intense. There were also many joys. That’s the “for better or worse” part.
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Old 05-22-2020, 03:56 PM   #243
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

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I really liked this quote from your first link:
I really like that too. Though everyone handles stress differently. My husband withdraws, and I want to talk through my stress, so there's that conflict in our styles.
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Old 05-22-2020, 03:57 PM   #244
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

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I don’t want to project my issues here. This thing with sex, stress, and control has been the bane of my existence. My thinking may be faulty concerning intimacy and that’s why I can’t make it work.

The outside stressors we had were many and intense. There were also many joys. That’s the “for better or worse” part.
I'm not of the mindset "for better or for worse" if my mental health is going downhill and if I am not happy. It's coming down to that part of things for me right now.
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Last edited by Have Hope; 05-22-2020 at 04:43 PM..
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Old 05-22-2020, 06:48 PM   #245
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

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I really like that too. Though everyone handles stress differently. My husband withdraws, and I want to talk through my stress, so there's that conflict in our styles.
Ya, I can see how that would create conflict. I do both, depending on the circumstances.
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Old 05-22-2020, 06:59 PM   #246
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

The way I personally see “for better or for worse” is if for example something happened to my husband and he became wheel chair bound or otherwise incapacitated I’d not abandon him.

Other people understand it as if my husband became a liar or treated me badly or decided to live off me and take advantage of me, well it is not included in my “for better or worse”.

And if people stay in abusive marriage because of their vows, then their vows must have included “I promise to endure abuse”. My vows sure didn’t include that.

I think it depends how one understands “ for better or worse”
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Old 05-22-2020, 07:02 PM   #247
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

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And if people stay in abusive marriage because of their vows, then their vows must have included “I promise to endure abuse”. My vows sure didn’t include that.
YES!! I totally agree with this ^^^
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Old 05-22-2020, 07:48 PM   #248
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

We just had a big fight. I don’t want to get into details just now but he left for the store. He says you don’t want me anymore. You’ve made that clear over the last three days.
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Old 05-23-2020, 03:34 AM   #249
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

I couldn't sleep. My marriage is seriously on the rocks. We slept apart tonight. I don't know how this can be fixed without outside help.
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Old 05-23-2020, 06:17 AM   #250
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

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I couldn't sleep. My marriage is seriously on the rocks. We slept apart tonight. I don't know how this can be fixed without outside help.
See if you can get online counseling session for a couple.
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