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Old 06-30-2020, 05:59 AM   #771
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

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I think they mean well and just give you scenarios to be prepared. Actually itís not a bad advice re divorcing without lawyers. My ex husband and I didnít talk to any lawyers. We agreed on everything and then just tweaked it as time went on. But every situation is different. You can only hope that divorce is uncontested. I think your girlfriend is just preparing you to the worst case scenario. But I really doubt heíd stop paying.

I never found anyone helpful irl when it comes to relationships. I literally would do everything first and then informed people because people arenít helpful. And not because they donít care. They are just too involved with you to be reasonable
I'd like to hope we could do this without lawyers. I'd also like to hope he wouldn't stop paying the car lease.

I'm beginning to think I shouldn't talk about this with anyone IRL too much. All my girlfriend did was scare me and my mom pissed me off. My sister was better, I guess.

I ended up practically yelling at my mother over text after we spoke, asking her, so you're encouraging. me to stay in an abusive marriage?????
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Last edited by Have Hope; 06-30-2020 at 06:23 AM..
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Old 06-30-2020, 08:43 AM   #772
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

Wow. People really are NOT helpful. I should just STOP talking to people, post in here only and listen to myself. Every time I open my mouth, I'm getting bad advice. Now I'm hearing, let him ruin your credit. Who cares? Better to be out of a toxic relationship. WTF? I am NOT letting him ruin my credit!!!!!!! It's practically ALL I have to survive in this world. People are truly unbelievable.
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Old 06-30-2020, 09:06 AM   #773
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

I think people could only advice what they think is best or based on their experience. Itís hard to advice anything in regards to other peopleís lives. Maybe others donít care about credit? Weird.

Ruined credit is a big deal because it takes long to build it up. Heck it goes down by a lot every time you get a car loan/lease. Simply because you applied and takes a year to build it up, for that to drop again when you apply for a new loan. Itís a nightmarish cycle. And itís for just applying. I bet you yours dropped when you co-signed too. I can imagine it drops crazy when you stop paying and you likely will deal with collection agencies. It is a big deal!!
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Old 06-30-2020, 09:36 AM   #774
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

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I think people could only advice what they think is best or based on their experience. Itís hard to advice anything in regards to other peopleís lives. Maybe others donít care about credit? Weird.

Ruined credit is a big deal because it takes long to build it up. Heck it goes down by a lot every time you get a car loan/lease. Simply because you applied and takes a year to build it up, for that to drop again when you apply for a new loan. Itís a nightmarish cycle. And itís for just applying. I bet you yours dropped when you co-signed too. I can imagine it drops crazy when you stop paying and you likely will deal with collection agencies. It is a big deal!!
YES, It's a HUGE deal!!!!! I have to get my credit checked whenever I apply for a new apartment. If I want a loan sometime, the interest rate depends on my credit score! If I want another car lease, same thing! The interest totally depends on your credit score! And if my credit is shot, that means then that I need a co-signer for everything!!!!!

I was astounded that I got the reply I did. This was on one of my abuse forums on facebook.

Although one woman WAS helpful and said speak with a manager at the car lease company to see if he can start a new lease in HIS name.... she said she had been in car leases before and to demand to speak with a manager. So I will try that route. At least that was helpful. It may still not be possible, but I will see if I can at least talk to someone higher up.
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Old 06-30-2020, 11:01 AM   #775
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

Well well well! I called the car lease company back to speak with someone new/different. And SHE gave me entirely different information!!! It IS possible to refinance the vehicle in HIS name to get me off the lease, OR trade in his car for another and put the lease in HIS name only. He may need another co-signer in both scenarios OR he may pay a higher interesst rate with poor credit, BUT it IS possible for me to get my name off his lease!!!!!!!!!!

Thank goodness I called back, and thank goodness for the woman on Facebook who told me there are other options!!!!!

I love how the first person I called was of ZERO help to me. The ignorance of some people.
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Old 06-30-2020, 11:09 AM   #776
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

Now he just has to agree to those arrangements. Itís in his interests
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Old 06-30-2020, 11:17 AM   #777
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

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Now he just has to agree to those arrangements. Itís in his interests
Yes. Well, I will force him to. He will have no choice but to agree. I am going to make sure of it. I will put my foot down and will tell him NO WAY am I remaining on this car lease after we are divorced.

Next, I am speaking with a divorce lawyer today to learn about my legal options.
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Old 06-30-2020, 01:26 PM   #778
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

I JUST spoke with a divorce lawyer. I feel SLIGHTLY better! I have an advocate, who could also be a mediator for me AND a lawyer. I found her through a friend who referred me. She's in fact a part of my larger social circle but we've never met. So she may end up doing me favors.

It was really good to talk it through with a legal advisor finally.
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Old 06-30-2020, 03:42 PM   #779
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

I'm petrified, nervous and excited all at the same time.

What happens if he blows up at me again and I end the marriage right then and there, as I've usually tried to do?? What then? Do i back down yet again, and wait for a calm moment to then tell him it's over?
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Old 06-30-2020, 05:03 PM   #780
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

Well you are in control of what you do. If he blows up, you donít have to say anything. If you are ready to end it, then you end it but if not, just ignore him until you are ready
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