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Old 06-30-2020, 05:18 PM   #781
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

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Well you are in control of what you do. If he blows up, you donít have to say anything. If you are ready to end it, then you end it but if not, just ignore him until you are ready
Yes.... good point!!!!! I will see how this plays out. I know myself and when he blows up at me, I always end up telling him the marriage is over.
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Old 06-30-2020, 06:15 PM   #782
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

#%^*#%!!

We went for dinner. Take out. And on the drive he tells me how much he loves me, that Iím his best friend and how couples do argue sometimes but still love each other. All I could say was, what happened the other day is NOT ok.

How the hell am I going to tell him, when the time comes, that I am divorcing him??? This charade I am putting on right now is not fun. It's wearing on me.
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Last edited by Have Hope; 06-30-2020 at 07:14 PM..
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Old 06-30-2020, 07:41 PM   #783
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

Not trivialize or sound callous, but I dated several men who believed or at least told me that I was their best friend and love of their lives, and after I left them continued pursued me begging me to come back BUT it didnít mean they were right matches for me or that I had to come back and be with them. Not at all. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Plus talk is cheap. He doesnít really behave like you are his best friend at all. I sure never yell or cuss at my friends or say F you to them. And he needs to stop getting take outs and start saving for paying you back what he owes. He does say a lot of things. His words donít match his actions.
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Old 06-30-2020, 10:37 PM   #784
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

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Not trivialize or sound callous, but I dated several men who believed or at least told me that I was their best friend and love of their lives, and after I left them continued pursued me begging me to come back BUT it didnít mean they were right matches for me or that I had to come back and be with them. Not at all. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Plus talk is cheap. He doesnít really behave like you are his best friend at all. I sure never yell or cuss at my friends or say F you to them. And he needs to stop getting take outs and start saving for paying you back what he owes. He does say a lot of things. His words donít match his actions.
Agreed.

I definitely am not back tracking though. All I was saying is I kept my mouth shut, thinking that I have to tell him I am divorcing him and how uncomfortable it made me feel when he said that because I'm keeping things even keel right now and am not rocking the boat. I am just going through the motions and I am pretending. It's what I have to do. Though I am not being overtly affectionate with him at all and I have backed off. He doesn't even notice this.

He's so volatile that I don't want to cause any waves, especially when I'm trying to get all my ducks in a row.
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Old 06-30-2020, 10:56 PM   #785
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

I am wide awake with worry and fear. How will I get him to leave? How will I get him to refinance or make a trade -in with his car?? How will I get him to agree to that when Iíve told him Iím leaving him and when heís all pissed off as a result? How am I going to pull this off???? Iím worried. Not backing down, but just worried.
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Old Yesterday, 06:12 AM   #786
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I barely slept. I am full of angst, fear and worry. I don't know how to proceed. We almost broke up on his bday because he started yet another fight If he does this yet again, it's likely that I will call it quits right then and there. The only reason I didn't follow through last weekend is because I hadn't spoken with a lawyer yet, I don't have all my ducks in a row yet, and he said I was a horrible person for breaking up with him on his bday.
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Old Yesterday, 11:14 AM   #787
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I am REALLY struggling. I am scared to DEATH right now -- of everything. Of this whole process, of telling him and of trying to get out of this car lease.

Just had a second conversation with the same divorce lawyer. She got frustrated with me in this call, and I feel she isn't explaining the process clearly at all. I am calling a different lawyer for a new consultation. I need someone to explain things CLEARLY to me and in simple terms. The first woman sounds almost disorganized with her thoughts. I don't think I want to use her., even IF she is a friend of a friend. I don't feel good about her, even if she's telling me she will get me through this process.
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Old Yesterday, 01:54 PM   #788
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

Is she charging you for these conversations? If this is a second conversation and she isnít on retainer, then she might be frustrated with having to provide free explanations. Unless you hired her, you canít expect her to explain the process beyond few suggestions. Even if she is a friend of a friend. You have to hire them to get the explanations. Sometimes first consultation is free but nothing more.
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Old Yesterday, 02:14 PM   #789
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Default Re: Marriage may need to end: enormous grief and sadness

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Is she charging you for these conversations? If this is a second conversation and she isnít on retainer, then she might be frustrated with having to provide free explanations. Unless you hired her, you canít expect her to explain the process beyond few suggestions. Even if she is a friend of a friend. You have to hire them to get the explanations. Sometimes first consultation is free but nothing more.
I did not hire her yet. Yes, perhaps it was overstepping the bounds to have a second conversation without hiring her yet, but in the first, she told me to reach out again for anything, so I did.
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