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Legendary Wise Elder
divine1966
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Member Since: Dec 2014
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#21
Why anyone would care why other people get divorced. Of course no one cares. This woman is in danger and what other people think of her divorce does not matter. What matters that she is in danger
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Magnate
Aviza
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Member Since: Jan 2013
Location: Midwest
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#22
So it's okay to put her kids in danger for visitation? My son was abused by his father and eventually put on supervised visits. But the abuse had to happen first. She would be sending her defenseless kids to see dad alone. That's somehow better than trying to heal the marriage?
__________________ Son: 14, 12/15/2009 R.I.P. Daughter: 20 Diagnosis: Bipolar with Psychosis. Latuda 100 mgs. |
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giddykitty
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Legendary Wise Elder
divine1966
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#23
Quote:
If she calls police every time there is violence and is she presses charges every time, there will be enough evidence for him not to have unsupervised visits with his kids Why are you putting so much weight on what people think why other people got divorced. No one cares and why are you so concerned what people will think of her divorce? It’s no ones business |
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Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Have Hope
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Location: Eastern, USA
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#24
Quote:
Again, this is NO reason to stay in a physically violent relationship that is dangerous to her own health, well-being and safety. Where are you coming from "heal the marriage"?? Violence is not typically "healed". How many physically beaten women actually stay and see improvement after physical violence has occurred???? A very very low number, I am sure. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Legendary Wise Elder
divine1966
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#25
Quote:
In fact if she pressed charges every single time, he’d possibly be incarcerated now and there will be no visitations. Instead of empowering women, you encourage women to endure physical abuse. Your story with men isn’t because you didn’t endure abuse or because you got divorced, it’s because you go for wrong men. You now encourage this woman to go the same. It’s not going to end well |
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Wise Elder
Have Hope
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Location: Eastern, USA
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#26
Yes, and all because of what people will think of her IF she gets divorced, and because it's lonely being single? Or because he may abuse the kids? Like Divine says, IF he does abuse the kids, that will have legal repercussions and the kids can be brought to safety.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Legendary Wise Elder
divine1966
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#27
Who are these people that supposedly think of women that they got divorced because they didn’t try? I know ton ton of divorced people and no one cares why they are divorced. No one ever asks or comments. I was divorced from my first husband and no one ever said “oh you didn’t try” or even asked why I was divorced. No one gives any thought on what other people do
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Wise Elder
Have Hope
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#28
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__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Legendary Wise Elder
divine1966
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#29
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Wise Elder
Have Hope
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#30
Yes, and to your point, no one really cares. BUT if she shares that she was beaten, people will naturally sympathize and will be happy that she got out of a violent situation.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Legendary Wise Elder
divine1966
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#31
Exactly. I can’t imagine anyone saying “why didn’t you try”. Try what? Get beaten up more?
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morrigan22
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Member Since: May 2020
Location: Florida
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#32
Hi Melbee,
What you are going through is the classical cycle of domestic violence. I think most of us in a domestic violence situation react by saying "oh, not me" and/or "he's not really like that." The bottom line is that people that are not abusers do NOT abuse. Ever. On the other hand, abusers and their victims go through a cycle: honeymoon phase - buildup phase-acute crisis phase; repeat. We are all suckered in by how great they can be when we are in the honeymoon phase. Maybe they are loving, charming, great providers, great lovers, considerate. Everything you wish they would always be. And when they see that they finally have you in their grip again the buildup phase begins and ultimately the acute crisis abuse phase. It works on our brain like a drug. Abusers do not change. They just escalate their abuse. They honeymoon phase might get longer, the better to convince you. But they will abuse someone again. Unless they seek intensive counseling. I know as you read this you may not be believing me. I did not believe it either. If we believed we were victims of abuse, and would be forever, we would have left the first time they "play slapped us" The saddest thing of all is that your children will either learn to be abusers or, worse yet, victims. It will take work. And courage. But you must find a way to become strong enough to leave. You don't deserve to live like this. Nobody does. It is not your fault. It will continue. |
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divine1966
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AzulOscuro, divine1966, lizardlady, Open Eyes
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