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WovenGalaxy
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Default May 25, 2020 at 02:48 PM
  #1
I do not have any questions that need to be answered, and I'm not looking for advice or opinion. Some of this is an update from a couple months ago. Some of this is a reflection.


Last year, I decided my relationships with others are important. I decided that I want to nurture them and put effort into them, as well as work through conflict, and communicate. It has served me very well. It is 1 of 3 goals I have set for myself and kept. I'm proud of this.


I do feel that I am navigating relationships / my friendships, so to speak, and sometimes have questions. I think this is okay and normal.


For instance, there is a person I am friends with who I posted about a couple months ago. I said he felt like a pseudo boyfriend, and I do not want him to be my boyfriend. That weekend, in particular, I was thinking I might be growing feelings for this person. A lot of people responded saying I should end the friendship (and just to clarify, I really appreciated it at the time!). I did, initially, but we stayed friends because 1. I missed him and 2. I do not have romantic or sexual feelings for him. It is true that we have an emotional connection. But he's also much older than me, and I am not attracted to him physically. I think there's also a bunch of reasons it would not work for me if we dated.


It started for me (the thought that I may "have feelings for him"), with a feeling of insecurity, that I feel when I am dating. But I think that people can feel insecure in friendships too. Though it's sort of new for me. And I can have a tendency to feel insecure and doubt myself. It's not something I like or enjoy about myself. But yeah. Maybe it's something I can change about myself.


However, I have found sometimes I need to pull away from this individual because 1. he annoys me a lot sometimes (he's a know-it-all and has too much energy) 2. my own insecurity and 3. he himself is a bit mentally unhealthy. He's not open with his feelings, has trouble being assertive, etc. That doesn't mean I don't want to be friends. But yes sometimes I do need to pull away. Currently this is one of those times. It just feels too enmeshed and close for a friendship, for me. I also end up feeling hurt when he can't give me what I need in the friendship.


My other friends, are pretty great. I talk to one female friend once a week via video chat. Another female friend is around when I need her and vice versa. My Mom is always around for me, and I do social group things here and there, which is nice, but I wish this pandemic was over so it would not have to be through Zoom and video chat.


I have another male friend who does not seem to have many friends and wants to video chat once a week with me. He was giving me guitar lessons at first, but I ended up realizing I took on too much, and put the guitar down for the time being. I enjoyed guitar, it was just too much. Another thing to have to do. Which overwhelmed me. Anyway, I haven't felt much like talking to this friend lately, and he noticed. He was hurt. I explained to him I have a lot going on, and he understood. But I'll have to see about talking this week. I don't want to. And truthfully, we would not be doing so if there were no pandemic. I don't want to lose his friendship. But I also don't want to video chat with him every week.

Last edited by WovenGalaxy; May 25, 2020 at 03:27 PM..
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Default May 26, 2020 at 03:25 PM
  #2
Think this current situation has brought up some extra dynamics with friendships and it sounds like you may be reflecting on this. Perhaps this breathing space could even be good?

I hear you over the pressure to video chat. I think a few of us have felt that way.
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Default May 26, 2020 at 04:30 PM
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Thanks Discombobulated.

We have been spending too much time together. Re the one guy friend I mainly talked about, Its actually been a source of joy but much stress for me. Its not worth it. He barely has any friends. Maybe that's why he's always around. I think he's really unhealthy too. He was just rude to me in a text, and he then apologized and said its hot out and he's stressed. I ended up telling him I need some distance. It may not have been the right time. But I've been so stressed by him. its not right.

I do think I would like some support in this thread. Thank you.
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Default May 26, 2020 at 07:56 PM
  #4
Congratulations on your progress on the goals that you set for yourself!



Your thoughts about these two friendships sound valid to me.
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Default May 26, 2020 at 08:44 PM
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Originally Posted by Bill3 View Post
Congratulations on your progress on the goals that you set for yourself!



Your thoughts about these two friendships sound valid to me.
Thanks Bill!
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Default May 30, 2020 at 04:09 PM
  #6
I feel pretty done with having dude friends at the moment. The guitar guy sent me a "You're sweet" emoji out of nowhere. It was some ripped dude holding a sugar cube. It was creepy.
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Default Jun 07, 2020 at 09:38 PM
  #7
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Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy View Post
I feel pretty done with having dude friends at the moment. The guitar guy sent me a "You're sweet" emoji out of nowhere. It was some ripped dude holding a sugar cube. It was creepy.
Sorry you got a creepy emoji from this dude. It sounds like distance from him is a good idea or possibly blocking him.


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Default Jun 07, 2020 at 09:49 PM
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Sorry you got a creepy emoji from this dude. It sounds like distance from him is a good idea or possibly blocking him.

Thank you Fuzzy. I am just distancing myself.

I did tell him to please not send me things like that bc it makes me uncomfortable. He immediately apologized but said some things that seemed like he wanted me to feel sorry for him. I did not respond. I had a lot going on that week. We are still facebook friends. Distance is good.

He may not be very socially savvy. No judgment. He's applying for disability. Just some background. But I am not responsible for ppl's social lives, at the same time.
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