Sudden Hopelessness

Ever since this weekend I’ve been depressed to the point of feeling stuck, like I can’t move on. Even broke down and talked to the Crisis Text Line until 1:30 last night to get quick relief. Now I’m exhausted because of my further spiraling and staying up until that late hour in my own thoughts and chatting.

All began with a relatively minor argument with my mother over some incorrectly done landscaping, where she provided some criticism. In my anxious mindset I thought that if my help was not appreciated with her I would help my dad do some heavier projects on our ranch, or spend more time to myself. I made a quick apology without extra verbiage as I always try to do but instead of telling my mom right back I didn’t like the tone she was using, I made even more mistakes of using the silent treatment around her, out of anger for myself that I did something wrong, and she added fuel to the fire. Then last night the subject came up again, this time she criticized me even more over still being unhappy about this ordeal, right down to how I handled it, and now she’s being a jerk and playing games with me, pretending that I didn’t apologize to her for what I did. It’s like I’m not allowed to make mistakes.

I’m not suicidal by any means, but at this stage in my life this is a harsh reminder that I may not ever have a steady job if I can’t take criticism like this. Like I’m living a pointless life and my help and support isn’t valued anywhere And my last real job was a screw up because of some rather toxic coworkers, so that seals my sad fate.

Will I go through life never being successful (holding down a job, healthy relationships, etc)? Am I a fundamentally unlovable and hopeless person?

Can anybody help me here?

Your two choices were: 1. Telling your mom you didnt like her tone or 2. The silent treatment.

I got fired many times - usually i worked as a contractor so going on to a different site was not a big deal, i didnt consider myself "fired" but neither was i retained - but i can tell you, you probably need to come up with better choices than those two.

One, pay attention to detail, make sure your work is flawless so they cant yell at you. Then it wont matter so much if you have a rotten personality. Thats what worked for me. But you have to be really really really good at your job, whatever it is.

My mother and aunt were ****** ****** b*tching at me as i was washing my mothers kitchen and dining room walls. I wanted to start with the ceiling. They were, no you have to start at the bottom of the wall because there will be streaks. Well the way i did it, there was not a single streak, and it looked like it was freshly painted, not just washed. Those two old women admitted they were wrong WITHOUT ME SAYING ANYTHING, just from my results. They respected me at least a little after that.

May I ask your age and education/work skillset?

Do you all live together on the ranch?

Are you activeyl working for work? Are you in a rural area, I reosume? I am from rural West Texas originally--granddad a rancher. Work can be hard to find , if you don't want to work in the oil bidness

I am 25, and finished a non degree seeking graduate program a year ago in Geographic Information Systems and Remote Sensing. They’re related fields to cartography, but they focus on satellite data and the more scientific aspects of map-making.

Since my projects during grad school studied the possible environmental and human effects on hurricanes and wildfires (Specifically Harvey, Irma, and the ongoing Cali fires), I took an online job studying coastal areas using Google Maps, building documents and such to help strengthen infrastructure in areas prone to hurricane damage and flooding.

Yes I live on a ranch with my folks, been that way for nearly a year when I finished school and got bored with the city I went to school. I’m from Texas like you are (but I’m from Central Texas), so it’s always nice to find fellow Texans on the forums! Most of my time living at home has been positive and has helped improve my mental health, but there are still quite a few strikes I have against my parents. Both my parents are highly Type A, and fail to acknowledge my independence and figure things out on my own on a regular basis. One of the most unpleasant things in my life right now is when I have to talk to my parents about personal problems, as they tend to either act emotionally distant or react before responding logically. Then they get annoyed when I try to talk to them about problems they think should be resolved, but I view as not yet closed.

I have looked for work off and on, but have largely ignored in person and full time jobs because of fear of exposure during the pandemic. The search has been frustrating, so when I sense my presence is not needed for a job I’m interested in, or the perfect matches are short, that’s when more of my hopeless feelings kick in.

Hope you don’t mind the long response, but i really appreciate your efforts to learn about my situation.

I thought you were in graduate school. Why were you in non degree seeking program? Did you not want a degree? Would you be better off actually having a degree? Maybe you should go back to school?

My program was actually through the graduate program through the Department of Geography at my uni, so technically it is still grad school, as I had to take 600 level classes throughout the program and do projects similar to a masters project, but it was pretty light compared to a PHD.

I would have liked to study this field for undergrad, but the major that focused on that same topic I focused on grad school wasn’t offered at my uni until I was more than halfway done with undergrad. But my minor was Geography and it was always a niche a mine, so it translated well into the program that I did later on.

Sure hope that I don’t have to go back to school, most college kids in my experience are terrible, cliquey people, and the environment is what started a long path of anxiety.

I am just confused, if it’s still graduate school and you took graduate level courses why not get actual graduate degree. You might have a better chance at jobs.

I didn’t mean for you to go back to school for social reasons of because people are nice there. I meant to finish a degree. I’d think most graduate students wouldn’t be kids per se.
The only reason I ever took graduate classes that weren’t part of a degree was salary advancement. Otherwise if I go to school, I better get a degree. So I guess I just don’t understand.

Are you seeing a therapist? You might want to seek career counseling too

So maybe to help you understand...I actually still did get a “degree”, it just wasn’t a PhD or Masters. What my program did for me was give me certifications to prove my knowledge in GIS and Remote Sensing, and hopefully this can be used for competence in jobs using map-making tools and satellite reading applications. I did finish, despite the lack of advisors who knew anything about my curriculum and required classes Sorry if this was confusing the first go around.

I did see 2 therapists when I lived in town, but the first one was very unprofessional both in keeping her appointments and with her advice she gave. The other I liked much better and almost became a friend because of the time span I saw her but our conversations often didn’t address more crucial topics I wanted to resolve. So you could say I haven’t had much success with counseling, but since I’m jobless right now and still connected to a lot of my family’s financial plans and such, I don’t know if counseling is all that practical (or even helpful) given my current phase.

I am just confused, if it’s still graduate school and you took graduate level courses why not get actual graduate degree. You might have a better chance at jobs.

I didn’t mean for you to go back to school for social reasons of because people are nice there. I meant to finish a degree. I’d think most graduate students wouldn’t be kids per se.
The only reason I ever took graduate classes that weren’t part of a degree was salary advancement. Otherwise if I go to school, I better get a degree. So I guess I just don’t understand.

Are you seeing a therapist? You might want to seek career counseling too

I have audited courses just to learn about the subject, so I get why you might take a different route thru school. Unique paths lead to unique places. My husband had GIS as his minor and he prolly wouldn't say he has zero regrets with his schooling and career, but after some difficulty on the job market years ago, he landed a nice career with all the needed fundamentals in a field that he is passionate about -- and his work has a significant positive impact for the world. In fact, for years, he was shuffled around in various fields from agriculture to forestry, until he found something he really loved and believes in. So, for what its worth, just try to remember that sometimes it seems like you will never get to where you want to be, and sometimes you never do get to that place you thought you wanted... then sometimes you reach this point in time where you look back and realize how even when things were really bleak, it all brought you to this surprising, but really awesome, unexpected place you never even saw as a possibility.

Please try to be a little patient with yourself, and a little forgiving too. These are really trying times for everyone, and I don't just mean the pandemic and the job market. At least for me, I am finding it hard not to be snappish with my family at times. I have about had it with being stuck at home with my hubby, no matter how much I love the guy. And I know my anxiety is just ridiculous right now. I'm struggling too. I don't say all that to hijack your thread. I don't have any sage advice for you (or anyone) at all, but sometimes its just nice to know that others can relate a bit.

So again, be patient and kind to yourself. Getting out if school and into the job market is tough any time, but right now especially! I can't even imagine what you are going thru.

And for the record... i have no idea why anyone would start from the walls first. I am with you. Totally start with the ceiling.

I wrote out a super long reply to this but the internet ate it.

Sorry for the delay in response but thank you all for your responses.

@divine1966 ;: Did you mean to send your latest message again?

Seiche thanks for sharing your life experiences and for relating to me! Don’t worry about hijacking your thread at all because after seeming like I’m the only entry level GIS person to look for a job right now, I was really thankful to hear from you to make my experience both validated and more hopeful. I’m terrible at comparing myself to others, so I sensed an obligation to search for a job especially when my parents have nagged about it, just so I can be like everyone else at my age. But thanks for you pitching in you’ve also refreshed the lesson that life’s a marathon and not a sprint. Thanks again for sharing your story!

And thanks FuzzyBear for at least thinking of me! Sorry that the internet won out this time :/

Hi Dazed, sorry to learn your parent's behaviors are depressing you so much. Our parents can be a challenge and I think that even though it's a challenge to be around them, you can use them for learning how to better deal with difficult people. Yes, a parent can unknowingly treat a grown child like they did when the now adult was a child. Yet, it's not only a parent that can be that way, some people just ARE that way too.

You don't have to wither away emotionally as though you are just a child again. You can actually step up now as an adult. You can do some research and learn how to respond to them differently, what you learn can actually help you when you come across others down the road that behave like your parents. If there are things that your parents say or do that trigger you, that means you need to work on that more so you learn how to grow out of that mindset. You don't have to sink into whatever role you had with them anymore, you can work on building some skills instead. After all, your parents are just people.

8 Helpful Ways to Deal with Critical People | Personal Excellence

No didn’t mean to send the same thing. Not sure why it duplicated my message.

I really like this piece of advice. It'll help with your feelings of hopelessness and switch your mindset to a more professional thinking. Great idea! Practice practice. Big hugs!

On another note, this story reminds me of a story of my own.

We have a lot of pine trees in our backyard so the grass is often bald and muddy. With 2 children and a dog, we opted to buy some sod to give the grass a new face for the girls to play on. I'm into gardening, myself, so I was really excited about it and my partner wanted to take it on.

When he was done, he was quite proud of it and called to show me. I noticed he left a strip of old and overgrown grass that met the concrete and began the sod off to the side of it. It also had some minor bald patches throughout it, he thought would fill in just fine. No big deal, right?

In my head I was thinking, WTF? Why spend time and money like that? In my head, he cut corners. Our views were very different, as well as our standards. It really bothered me and wished I had done it myself. I like clean lines and a finished look. I'm a bit of a perfectionist with certain things.

I wasn't "mean" about it but did ask why he didn't start from the concrete. He looked wounded pretty quick. He doesn't handle constructive feedback well, either, so I felt bad for him afterwards, and his efforts.. and felt bad that I needed things to be more thoroughly done.

So I get how you're feeling.. and your mom, as well. We can't make everyone happy, though. We all have our own visions on things, I guess.