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Default Jun 03, 2020 at 03:40 AM
  #1
After my supervisor at Arby's (who I looked up to) kicked me to the curb, I have suffered mental breakdown that caused me to lose my voice early in 2018. It wasn't until September last year that I could talk normal again. And she never gave a rats ***** how I was doing. Someone I looked up to never wants to see me again.

I got over the incident itself, but the effect of it lingers on. At my current job, I keep worrying that other people will become like her. I become paranoid that my supervisor here is becoming like her, even though that may not be the case. I used to ask him why he brushed me off or whatever even though he hasn't actually ignored me. I been reigning it in for awhile, only for it to resurface a month ago.

I moved back home after 6 months of living on my own bc of my mental breakdown. My folks never stopped telling me I brought it onto myself and that I asked for it. My job developer says the same thing. That slowed down my recovery considerably.

Under this circumstances, when will recovery be possible?
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Default Jun 03, 2020 at 04:47 AM
  #2
It is traumatizing to be fired. It takes time to recover.

Maybe when you focus on your own behavior on the job and realize that as long as you behave appropriately, you won’t be fired and you won’t be in trouble then you can start healing. Continue working on improving your behavior at work and you will be fine. Your case worker and parents night sound harsh but I think they are trying to convey the same message to you as all of us here: if you behave well you won’t be fired

Ruby, your former supervisor has no reason to see you again or care about how you are doing. She isn’t your friend or family member.
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Default Jun 03, 2020 at 05:30 AM
  #3
She cares about how other people are doing, like that Arby's coworker.

I just don't want my current supervisor to actually start ignoring me like the Arby's supervisor did. She actually got mad whenever I talked to her. That was before she kicked me to the curb.

Just yesterday, I asked my current supervisor why he brushed me aside whenever I talked to him. I would say stuff and he immediately asked me to run an order out for drive thru, for instance without actually hearing what I had said. I had an outburst and b*tched that it isn't fair. He explained that it was busy during lunch rush and he needed things done at that moment. And that he doesn't personally hate me. Next time I work, I need to remind him I'm dealing with the effect of the Arby's supervisor who hurt me.
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Default Jun 03, 2020 at 05:43 AM
  #4
Ruby, yes, it is traumatizing to lose one's job, for certain. But I still hear you not taking responsibility for what happened at Arby's. You say your supervisor there hurt you. You still don't see or acknowledge that your stalking behaviors caused her to act that way towards you. You have yet to take full ownership of what you did at Arby's to create that situation which got you fired. You're never going to learn in this case. Stop trying to gain your current supervisor's attention and adoration. Just focus on your work and on getting your work done.

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Default Jun 03, 2020 at 05:55 AM
  #5
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Originally Posted by ruby2011 View Post
She cares about how other people are doing, like that Arby's coworker.

I just don't want my current supervisor to actually start ignoring me like the Arby's supervisor did. She actually got mad whenever I talked to her. That was before she kicked me to the curb.

Just yesterday, I asked my current supervisor why he brushed me aside whenever I talked to him. I would say stuff and he immediately asked me to run an order out for drive thru, for instance without actually hearing what I had said. I had an outburst and b*tched that it isn't fair. He explained that it was busy during lunch rush and he needed things done at that moment. And that he doesn't personally hate me. Next time I work, I need to remind him I'm dealing with the effect of the Arby's supervisor who hurt me.
Ruby, I am sorry you had that traumatizing experience. I have experienced something similar--not the exact circumstances, but I have experienced a trauma, and then was re-traumatized later. Maybe this will help. Try doing what the others suggest: saying less on the job, and just doing the duties you are given. However! I would also suggest that you tell your job developer that you feel re-traumatized and you would like assistance in dealing with that, and that you think that is a reasonable request. Because it is a reasonable request to ask for help.

Now, it could be that the job developer's duties don't extend to this. But he or she should be able to find you a resource to help you with this or to point you in the right direction.

Sometimes people become so focused on the task at hand they 'forget' that they are dealing with real live human beings (and not something out of the job training manual or textbook.) Also not all supervisors are good at all areas of supervision.

In this situation, you might be better off asking the supervisor for a moment of his or her time when they are not busy.

I do not know where you live (nor do I need to know--please be careful about telling people online personal information). However, you might find this helpful: NAMI Connection | NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness

NAMI Connection Recovery Support Group is a free, peer-led support group for any adult who has experienced symptoms of a mental health condition. You will gain insight from hearing the challenges and successes of others, and the groups are led by trained leaders who've been there. This is free of cost, and designed for people 18 or older with mental health conditions.

I hope what I have written is helpful. If the NAMI group does not apply to you, it might be useful for someone else reading this post.

You are to be commended for caring about your work, Ruby. I always appreciated having conscientious employees.
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Default Jun 03, 2020 at 05:55 AM
  #6
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Originally Posted by ruby2011 View Post
...Just yesterday, I asked my current supervisor why he brushed me aside whenever I talked to him.

I would say stuff and he immediately asked me to run an order out for drive thru, for instance without actually hearing what I had said.

I had an outburst and b*tched that it isn't fair.

He explained that it was busy during lunch rush and he needed things done at that moment. And that he doesn't personally hate me.

Next time I work, I need to remind him I'm dealing with the effect of the Arby's supervisor who hurt me.
You asked how to get over the effect of the Arby's supervisor.

From your description of this incident at lunch, it sounds like you just picked the wrong time to gab. Thats not a big deal, but yeah it can hurt your feelings anyway.

Your current supervisor probably already forgot about this incident. I would not remind him about it the next time you work. The next time you work, you should just work!

Try to stay in the present moment - not the past. MAYBE the future, but that is probably your supervisors worry, to prepare for the next rush.
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Default Jun 03, 2020 at 06:32 AM
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Now I know it's not a big deal to be brushed aside. Combat veterans also know the sound from down the street is not an explosion. It's still so hard to deal with. I wanted to remind him so that he'll understand cuz it's an ongoing process.
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Default Jun 03, 2020 at 06:44 AM
  #8
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Originally Posted by ruby2011 View Post
She cares about how other people are doing, like that Arby's coworker.

I just don't want my current supervisor to actually start ignoring me like the Arby's supervisor did. She actually got mad whenever I talked to her. That was before she kicked me to the curb.

Just yesterday, I asked my current supervisor why he brushed me aside whenever I talked to him. I would say stuff and he immediately asked me to run an order out for drive thru, for instance without actually hearing what I had said. I had an outburst and b*tched that it isn't fair. He explained that it was busy during lunch rush and he needed things done at that moment. And that he doesn't personally hate me. Next time I work, I need to remind him I'm dealing with the effect of the Arby's supervisor who hurt me.
I care about some former coworkers and keep in touch with some and have no interest to see or hear some others. That’s how life works. We pick and choose. She isn’t obligated to care about you

In addition you were stalking her. You were fired for it. She didn’t hurt you. She wasn’t your friend. She was your boss. For her to care about you or keep in touch would be kind of unreasonable thing to do.

You don’t have reasonable expectations ruby. Keep working with your therapist. Tell your therapist what you told us and see if they can help
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Default Jun 03, 2020 at 07:11 AM
  #9
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Now I know it's not a big deal to be brushed aside. Combat veterans also know the sound from down the street is not an explosion. It's still so hard to deal with. I wanted to remind him so that he'll understand cuz it's an ongoing process.
I thought it was really sweet of him to say in the middle of everything that he doesnt personally hate you, he just needed stuff done. I think that means he really heard you and he knows you felt slighted.

Maybe he blames himself a little for being a little harsh. I would just do something like give him a thumbs up, to show that you agree there are no hard feelings on either side, and you will both try to do better. Thats all that really matters. A good attitude.
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Default Jun 03, 2020 at 07:19 AM
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I agree with Unaluna that it’s nice of him to explain that he is busy.

It’s ok to tell your supervisors that you might be having hard time with some things but I’d not tell them about story with former supervisor. Just vaguely say you sometimes get worried that people might dislike you but you are trying to work on it.

Please don’t tell them any details of that other situation
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Default Jun 03, 2020 at 07:30 AM
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Now I know it's not a big deal to be brushed aside. Combat veterans also know the sound from down the street is not an explosion. It's still so hard to deal with. I wanted to remind him so that he'll understand cuz it's an ongoing process.
Feeling as though one has been brushed aside hurts. It's okay to say that to us here.

You might try keeping a work journal. I did this. I would write down events in the evening when I got home. It helped me process what I was experiencing. It also showed me some patterns of behavior, mine and others. It helped me cope better.
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Default Jun 07, 2020 at 07:29 PM
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I'm sending kind thoughts..

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Default Jun 07, 2020 at 07:47 PM
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When you own up to your behavior and own your part of in incident it will be over.

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