The most confusing relationship ever...

I'm a bipolar/aspie woman... I've mentioned this relationship on here before but I'm more confused than ever...

He treats me like a girlfriend but denies any relationship with me... When questioned by other people or if I ask him, he says he is not interested in having a romantic relationship with me because he doesn't date MI girls based on past experience (even though he's diagnosed with stuff) and even though he's not a blood relative, he's related by marriage to me so I'm a relative. It's not sexual.

But on the other hand... He wants to spend inordinate amounts of time with me... We go out to eat at places together.... He tells me "I love you"... When nobody is around, he likes to rub my hair/back and tickles me... A lot... He wants to live with me... he said today he wants to take me to a salon and he'll pay for it...

I'm very confused as to what the heck this is... I have a lot of feelings for him, but it's getting strange. People have suggested he's trying to manipulate me for some reason. A mental health worker.... Though she probably said too much... Said they thinks he's Aspie and he doesn't know what is appropriate... But I think he does because for example he doesn't touch me unless nobody is around...

Confused!!!

Could he be asexual?

I am in similar though not same situation, it's confusing. He says things that he doesn't want anything serious ever, he doesn't have time, he has obligations, first it was work, he was deathly dedicated to work, then he quit job and he was dedicated to his parents who are sick 24 h a day etc. So many excuses. But alone of course, he was loving, he was great in sex though, and he behaved like he loved me, but after that he held distance and had million reasons why we can't be together. Now I don't even see him, he is taking care of his parents 24h a day. I am aparently not that important. t's been almost 13 years and we degraded from seeing each other alone at weekend, to seeing each other 1-2 a month for 2 hour walk around, with masks.

What I am trying to say, dear Birdcrazy, be careful, you can be wasting your precious life on someone who doesn't deserve your time. He may be great person, he may even love you really, but are you happy? Are you content? Do you see any improvements in your relationship? I waited hoping and hoping but it just degraded to the point that I feel like I am in my own personal hell. Please, be careful. He may be nice and he may love you, but he could have issues he can't get over, ever. You decide is there ever a chance things to be better one day, and if you see time goes by and it doesn't, it probably never will. Don't wake up one day at 40 something realising you are miserable in your relationship for years and years, and there is no happy end ever. It doesn't have to do anything with love, he can love you and still make you unhappy. It's how he sees life, and life with you or without you. You can't change his mind and his decisions. It's up to you to decide if you want this or not.

I would ask him point-blank what game he is playing?

He denies having or wanting any relationship with you yet his behaviour is very intimate in private but not in public?!

He does seem manipulative and I would steer clear of someone who indulges in such mind games.

I'll get back to this... For example he's having a surgery on Monday and he wants me to be the person with him in the hospital... It's getting private enough were getting involved with each other's health appointments... He likes me in his room but makes no sexual advances... It's getting to where people ask if we're in a relationship because it looks like that... But he always says no to people....

The point I'm trying to make is I have feelings for him but when I bring it up.... Ummm yeah... No or his response is not clear... I prefer the relationships in my life to be clear... Like my late husband, I developed a crush on him but I didn't think he liked me so I said nothing, until he expressed clearly he was interested in me...

But at the same time guys in the past anytime they were just a little bit nice to me I'd fall head over heels then often they made it clear they weren't interested in that.

I'm just confused...

I know you have feelings for this guy but your needs are not being met. If he's not interested in furthering your relationship, you're wasting your time. I get it feels good you're getting some attention from him. Maybe now is the time that you cut him off. He wants someone there for his surgery? Find a friend. Don't let him take advantage of your niceness. He knows you have feelings for him but is stringing you along, anyway. That's not right.

He has been clear to you, though. He's not at all interested in you in a romantic way. Has he ever been in a romantic relationship? That's why I asked if he's asexual. Or, is he waiting for another woman to take your place but hasn't met her yet?

Something needs to give.

If you know he's not interested and you're wanting a relationship with him, you're just banging your head on the wall.

He states religious reasons for the asexuality... He was in a previous relationship for almost 15 years that ended when she died and he said he was never sexual with her because they were not married. He's a virgin he says at least but says many sexually charged things so I think it's bothering him...

I asked my more NT uncle about this (he's his late girlfriends son btw... My uncle's late girlfriend also being his sister in law...) Anyway my uncle says the guy seems very confused about what he wants....

That is very strange that he was in an asexual relationship for FIFTEEN years? Who accepts that? Unless it's someone else who is asexual? This all sounds very strange to me, and I wonder why you're accepting of this girlfriend/non-girlfriend status? Why not just confront him, tell him it's not fair to you to act like he's your boyfriend and tell people he's not. Does he want a relationship with you or not? Bottom line. Cut to the chase!

Ok, it makes sense if he's asexual and his late gf may have been, as well. So, I guess you may just have to accept him for who he is.

It looks like he's using you. He is getting his needs met and stringing you along for the ride.

Only you can decide whether you want to keep putting up with it.

I'm also getting tired of him flirting with me then flirting with other girls in front of me, even with a lady much older than him... I don't like that... Then he'll turn around and say he's just joking with them... I don't find that very funny stringing people along...