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guy1111
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Default Jul 20, 2020 at 02:50 PM
  #21
Well, I'm sorry you feel that way. I know, I've been in the pit. It is miserable. I believe catharsis is a good way to get some relief. You can become addicted, so watch out. Make sure you have other ways of feeling better as well, like lifting weights. I believe men are not taught enough about building testosterone. Do some manly **** that you like to do. Maybe something she might not have cared for, like smoking a good cigar.

It's good to let out your feelings too. Your last post was kind of poetic. I liked it, even though it is very sad.

What would you like to say to her if she were here on this forum right now?
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Unhappy Jul 24, 2020 at 07:00 AM
  #22
As it turns out l an going to telephone my wife today to organise a meeting to discuss the impact seperation will have on our financials. Another blind alley for me as l did not take any part in the control of credit cards or money. So will l lose out? , who knows, my wife said she will treat me fairly and there will be no angst. So call will take place in a couple of hours to set up meeting....... I still just want her back..... that is all I want. Still not turned the corner..... A failure in marriage and in life.
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Default Jul 24, 2020 at 08:12 AM
  #23
It sounds like she cares about you and doesn't want to hurt you. Maybe after the divorce if you find a new job you will have a better sense of freedom and feel a little bit more in control of your life?
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Default Jul 25, 2020 at 11:05 AM
  #24
Ace....

Last July, the person that promised me forever came to me with an expiration date. My wife told me she wanted a divorce and that we had to sell our home and lead on to separate lives. Living with her put me on the brink of insanity, yet somehow I managed to find the will within to continue. Also, like you, I have felt like a failure and the only remedy I can offer is that time makes it easier. It has been one year for me, the pain is still there, yet I can breathe easier and live alone more comfortably. Be very, very careful in this stage of your life, remember the person that promised you eternity, just broke their part of the deal. I would be cautious if I were you with the meetings between her and you. You don't need to be mean, but just be careful and sadly a guard will need to go up. I have learned the hard way that the person I used to love had become the embodiment of what I despise.

I cannot trust her and everything she tells me I take with a grain of salt. To me, the biggest breach of my trust was that her version of forever had an expiration date. Take care of yourself, time heals slowly, and you pick up pieces of yourself along the way. This website has helped me immensely, as it is the only thing I had. Take care of your heart and remember to guard yourself, even if you suspect nothing. Perhaps I am too cynical, I don't know.

Take care and find that light within you to continue....there is a light...

--sarc
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Default Jul 25, 2020 at 05:06 PM
  #25
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Ace....

Last July, the person that promised me forever came to me with an expiration date. My wife told me she wanted a divorce and that we had to sell our home and lead on to separate lives. Living with her put me on the brink of insanity, yet somehow I managed to find the will within to continue. Also, like you, I have felt like a failure and the only remedy I can offer is that time makes it easier. It has been one year for me, the pain is still there, yet I can breathe easier and live alone more comfortably. Be very, very careful in this stage of your life, remember the person that promised you eternity, just broke their part of the deal. I would be cautious if I were you with the meetings between her and you. You don't need to be mean, but just be careful and sadly a guard will need to go up. I have learned the hard way that the person I used to love had become the embodiment of what I despise.

I cannot trust her and everything she tells me I take with a grain of salt. To me, the biggest breach of my trust was that her version of forever had an expiration date. Take care of yourself, time heals slowly, and you pick up pieces of yourself along the way. This website has helped me immensely, as it is the only thing I had. Take care of your heart and remember to guard yourself, even if you suspect nothing. Perhaps I am too cynical, I don't know.

Take care and find that light within you to continue....there is a light...

--sarc
Thankyou Sarc, your words help me. At present l am living away from home with my sister. On Tuesday l will meet up with my wife and its going to be hard. The hardest part is the silence, she hasn't communicated with me at all for the last 4weeks.... expected l suppose. I'll write before Tuesday and then after the meeting. The support lve had means a lot.
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Default Jul 28, 2020 at 03:03 PM
  #26
I can't take much more of this pretence, l get to grip with my worst depressive episode. Now my wife has separated from me...... Making me ill again again again.
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Default Jul 28, 2020 at 08:41 PM
  #27
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I can't take much more of this pretence, l get to grip with my worst depressive episode. Now my wife has separated from me...... Making me ill again again again.
I am sorry you are suffering through this. You are brave to move forward.

Did you end up talking to her on the phone about finances?
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Default Jul 28, 2020 at 08:46 PM
  #28
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I can't take much more of this pretence, l get to grip with my worst depressive episode. Now my wife has separated from me...... Making me ill again again again.
Have you tried antidepressants AceScot? It can get crippling when depression sets in, you need to let your doctor know how much you are struggling. Perhaps you need to up your meds or try a new medication.
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Default Jul 29, 2020 at 05:43 AM
  #29
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Thanks for your reply, l see all you have written as positive. Its this initial period of such sadness and hopelessness l am struggling to cope with. Shock is a better description as to how l feel at losing my wife.
I'm sorry for your pain. This is hard for anyone to deal with. Please be gentle with self. I agree with those who have suggested therapy. Also as you have found, pc can be a helpful place to vent and to receive support and/or advice.


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Default Jul 29, 2020 at 06:11 AM
  #30
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I am sorry you are suffering through this. You are brave to move forward.

Did you end up talking to her on the phone about finances?


I personally do not recommend ''antidepressants'' or ''upping medication'' (for me it is not an option anyway). I hope you feel able to talk to her on the phone about finances?

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Default Jul 29, 2020 at 06:28 AM
  #31
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Have you tried antidepressants AceScot? It can get crippling when depression sets in, you need to let your doctor know how much you are struggling. Perhaps you need to up your meds or try a new medication.
Changing my meds Venlapaxine at the start of my depression in Sept 19 made me more suicidal than l have ever experienced and now on my new meds no real difference and lm terrified to change anything after my last experience. I am currently on 3x70mg of Lofepramine which don't seem to be making a difference.
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Default Jul 29, 2020 at 06:33 AM
  #32
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I am sorry you are suffering through this. You are brave to move forward.

Did you end up talking to her on the phone about finances?
Spoke with her face to face, l mostly sobbed and asked her to take me back. She knows all about the finances and has complete control whereas l just signed things never thinking this would happen. Her mind is made and will not be unmade..... I can't stop loving her and this will cause me to lose not only her but my half of our life and savings. We agreed to sell our house but only because l couldn't buy her out.
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Default Jul 29, 2020 at 12:43 PM
  #33
Well, we don't ever have to stop loving those who have been a huge part of our lives. I still love my ex-wife, but I have to do so in a new way now. And that love still changes even 5+ years later.

I was thinking about your situation today when this song popped up on youtube. Hopefully it is not too sad, and maybe will help you to think about priorities in your life and health. You are a brave person for reaching out. Everyone here wants to see you succeed!

Alison Krauss & Union Station - On The Outside Looking In - YouTube
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Default Jul 29, 2020 at 08:47 PM
  #34
I’m sorry Ace that your meeting was just another hurt like that.

Are you seeing a therapist you can talk to to help you navigate this challenge?
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Default Aug 01, 2020 at 02:03 PM
  #35
Ace,

I know you're suffering, and I have been to the depths of the hell you are in. My condolences my friend. I was very much like you, wishing that my ex would take me back...I even prayed to God in the hopes that he would intervene. Here is the antidote to your despair and desire, remember not all marriages have good times. Try to remember the bad times, because there were bad times. Remember what didn't work, what negative events happened during the marriage? Those memories will help you stop from placing your wife on a pedestal. She isn't perfect and remember, broke her promise to you.

Remember the bad in the marriage....this will help release the insatiable desire to return to her. One example in my marriage that I will share with you. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder and have panic attacks. I remember having a panic attack one day and asked my then wife to rub my back or hold me, she looked at me and said these words...I can't help you....This helped me remove her from her platform.

--Sarc

Last edited by sarcgeo; Aug 01, 2020 at 03:14 PM..
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Default Aug 03, 2020 at 03:53 AM
  #36
Thank you for sharing your pain and story as read ming through has helped even me as I am now separated from my spouse and I have some of the same struggles.

You can get through. We all can
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Default Aug 07, 2020 at 08:55 AM
  #37
Haven't written for a few days, l have moved into a flat, alone. Went home to pick some things up and l find myself back to the horrible beginning. My ex wife has completely moved on, 6 months and she doesn't even engage in conversation, nothing, nothing, nothing. It has hit me harder than anything else l have encountered. But yet my wife has the rest of her life planned out. Do l want to live or die..... I don't know. I have lost everything.
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Default Aug 07, 2020 at 10:35 PM
  #38
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Haven't written for a few days, l have moved into a flat, alone. Went home to pick some things up and l find myself back to the horrible beginning. My ex wife has completely moved on, 6 months and she doesn't even engage in conversation, nothing, nothing, nothing. It has hit me harder than anything else l have encountered. But yet my wife has the rest of her life planned out. Do l want to live or die..... I don't know. I have lost everything.
You have to move forward! You are taking steps. It takes time. You are doing great. I wish you could see that it gets better. Trust us on these forums. We want to see you succeed. Some day you will be able to help someone out with the same problems. You're a great guy!
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Default Aug 14, 2020 at 09:49 AM
  #39
I've tried to start moving forward but today l find myself crying, wanting to end it all. I'm frightened and all alone. I have family and friends l could reach out to but l choose not to, l choose this horrible empty existance... I tell lies to Dr's and counsellers l tell lies to my mother, sisters and best friends. I say lm OK, lm not l cant see a future. I hope that tomorrow is a better day and my mood improves. The woman who was my wife is right, lm not trying to get better, lm not trying hard enough. That's nearly a year of severe depression, empty hole of despair. I really can't go on like this.
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Default Aug 14, 2020 at 08:11 PM
  #40
((((AceScot))) depression isn’t something someone just snaps out of. And what you are experiencing with your wife is no easy challenge to just snap out of either.

You should be seeing a therapist even though it’s so hard to reach out for help. You will have these challenging days so it’s important that you are kind to yourself. Don’t give in to the thoughts of ending your life either. Acknowledge you feel it but commit to working on just getting through the day. Patience with self is very important. Thanks for the update. Please reach out to your therapist though.
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