No way to make a long story short

Short version of my life problems would be the last 9 months. In 9 months, I finally moved out of a toxic relationship that I was stuck in for over 4 years. This was supposed to be great. This was what I had thought was going to be my new beginning. Instead it seems like the end of the rest of my world as I knew it. I am a 45 year old woman with two adult daughters. Both are educated and intelligent. I had a small family but family is my world. I am also a licensed practical nurse. I have not worked since 2013. Initially it was because of the “wonderful” man I had met and being able to enjoy time with my daughters as they began wrapping up high-school and all those awesome things. Fast forward a couple of years and I began to look to go back to work. Things kept happening. I got hired and even un- hired after a month of waiting to start. Anyway, this man in my life became something I had never dealt with. Never. I still feel like I was an idiot even though I realize I wasn’t. Regardless of that ... time went by and more things happened. Roughly 2015 I went to my mother telling her that i couldn’t take this life with this man anymore. He’s something I’d never dealt with. I have worked in prisons and with the MR and never dealt with someone who could cause my brain so much chaos. I have hundreds of hours of voice recordings of this man because it was the only way that I could explain why I could not function in the household. My mother is someone that throughout my adult life, that I believed I could always believe in. Not my adolescent years. But from the time I became a mother. Roughly for a year my mother said she was saving money to help me get out. I knew I needed out before I could get a job. There are many reasons for this which in trying to get people to understand and not judge.. I gave up on explaining. After a year or so, while realizing that my mother had what seemed to be a lot of financial issues and spending issues, I had what was a horrible weekend with that man and while she visited to pick up a Mother’s Day gift that my youngest daughter and I had gotten her, I approached her in despair and desperation. I told her that I couldn’t take it and that I was going to put away my pride and call my uncle in Texas and ask for help. This uncle loves me adores me. Was so proud of me and my accomplishments and was a appreciative that I took care of my grandmother. So many things. My uncle was the only other living close family I had. He also has the financial means. Well that is the day that my world as I knew it fell apart. Had my youngest daughter not been sitting there. There would have been no proof that it happened. The short version is that my mother made up stories about me over the years while talking to my uncle. My mother was in my face telling me I will not ask my brother for help. She said it 3 times. I had not asked her to. I was going to. See in this family of women, I was basically the strongest and more successful adult. My mother had been offered help for me by my uncle numerous times and she declined it. I had no idea because she controlled the narrative. She manipulated him to not contact me and vice versa. That night I contacted him. I was on the phone for 90 minutes. During that time my mother was texting and calling. In that time, she somehow managed to get control of him and I’ve never gotten to tell my story. Shed apparently been creating a different version of my life for a couple of years. He believed that since she refused money and said that she had the money for me (she did not) that I was willingly staying in that situation. She made him think that I was choosing to be there. She would not tell the truth. That was 3 years ago May. To this day I have not been in the same room with my mother. We were all once a close tiny family. I spent almost a year Begging her to do the right thing. I was in denial because the mom I knew would not let me suffer. The feelings my infidelity had now took over any trauma from my relationship with a man. Nothing mattered but what my mother did and my uncle. At that time, my youngest daughter had started college. It affected her more than anyone will admit. 3 years later it’s clearly caused problems. My daughter was my only hero. Fast forward to this move. It went to crap. It was over a year in the works. We were going to move here together. My daughter and I. She graduated college the December before we moved. We were gong to settle in. Me get my head settled. I was feeling very very positive and much more like myself. Once we moved. My daughter never stayed here. She barely came by. Thanksgiving went by and I was alone. She’s never done that. Christmas. She barely came by. New Years. Nothing. My daughter would drive by this town 5 minutes away on her way to work. After the new year, my daughter informs me that she’s moving to Tennessee with a guy she had dated before we moved out. She’d been staying at someone’s house the entire time ive lived here. She was staying there before we moved out. “We” had a plan. Which eventually involved both of us moving out of state. My oldest daughter lives in VA and has been distant since she moved away 7 years ago. I have no idea why. Regardless, I went from this positive feeling healthy looking woman to a corpse. My daughter planned that behind my back. Money was spent that I would have saved had I known I would be here with no one. After 8 years of being in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship, I have no friends. The family I had was what I’ve mentioned. One daughter is in VA. The daughter that was my hero keeps hurting my soul left and right. I never got to settle or heal. I just got more pain. I wanted my self back. My worth. I wanted to feel okay and go back to work. I did everything I could to avoid being a burden. I told them I can’t do this alone. It didn’t matter. I have had many a text melt down and now all I get is anger. No one really cares. My daughter still pays the rent and utilities for this house that I hate. She’s all over the place with her BF. I have no family. No friends. I have been direct. Very direct with the ones I do have in an attempt to save myself. Save myself from sadness and anxiety and grief and so many bad things. They won’t listen. I’m very broken. Then during this. The medication I’ve taken for 20 years... this valley decided they should yank me off of it because well they all over prescribed opiates so I guess it’s okay to remove a benzo from someone in an emotional crisis. I Fought. I looked for other doctors. I failed at that too. I have done nothing but fight. I live inside my own head. Not because I want to. I try. I tell myself I won’t reach out to my daughter again but eventually I do and it’s usually more damaging. This actually is the short version. There are many more variables in this mess. Funny.. all I wanted 9 months ago was to feel good and work. Now it’s so much more. I’m sad. Grief and sadness are not depression. Yes I’m depressed but it’s for a reason. I get no resolution no answers and I am a problem solver who has ran out of ways to solve my problems. I can’t understand people. I have realized that my mother is a manipulative sociopath. My youngest daughter has a heart and I think she can compartmentalize. I cannot. I wish I could. My apologies for improper grammar or spelling. I used my phone and I’m just overwhelmed

Welcome to this forum. Man it's been years since i don't visit here.

Well, if may i advise you. First of all, if you can, seek profesional help: a capable therapist who can help you with your self esteem and your issues with your motivation. In here, not everyone is a profesional (It would surprise me to find one, maybe that's why i left).

I understand things get rough, and these times aren't quite helpful. Depression sure is a serious thing.
On a second note. If may i guess, your closest daughter just finished high school, didn't she?
This is a common one, the rebelious ideas and excitement of a new boyfriend. Since you and your husband (I assume) already splitted, you all are no longer a familly as a whole, so your daughters may be seeking other ways to fill that lack of attention, and without strong paternal figures, they can easilly get distracted by whoever catches their sight. It's a tough situation i recognize, but don't expect too much from your daughters.
Also, don't take this the wrong way, but you're the mother. It's not healthy to your kids to look at you this way. I'm not saying that you're a bad person because you're depressed, but you got a really strong hold on your daughter, and she ended up overwhelmed by the situation, and ended up going to an easier, more exciting path.
I can't really advice much on your kids or (suppose) ex husband.
As for familly, you sure you can't just let yourself in or something?
Either your mom or uncle..?
You're struggling and can't make meets end. If i would have to guess, your familly is you possibly best option: Making friends who could help is actually not that easy, and i wouldn't advice on seeking another partner unless you're already set both financially and mentally.
Hope this helps, and i repeat. Try to reconnect with mom and uncle, is my personal advice and what i would guess the best option. Remember i'm no professional.
Best of lucks and regards.

I'm very sorry you're having these troubles.

It sounds like a therapist would be of great help to you. And medication could also be beneficial, even if just for the short term.
You mention that grief and sadness is not depression, but it is often considered "situational depression" in that there is a known cause for the sadness. Prolonged sadness is depression.

You also stated you can't do this alone. You must do this alone. Your daughter needs to live her own life. Set her free. In the long run, she will appreciate it, and your relationship will be the better for it.

A little piece of advice: Your post was difficult to read as there are no breaks. Many will take one look at that wall of text, and not read it. A post that long needs paragraph breaks to make it readable.