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mf1438
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Confused Jul 07, 2020 at 01:22 PM
  #1
My 18 yo daughter is a cheerleader in high school. She’s getting pretty serious about her boyfriend who is also her prom date until my wife caught her in the basement giving him head. What do I say? What do I do?
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Smile Jul 07, 2020 at 03:07 PM
  #2
Well... to be honest... I don't know what "giving him head" is. (What can I say, I'm old.) I presume it refers to something sexual. You mentioned your daughter is 18. So I presume where you live she's an adult. She would be where I live. And under those circumstances, to my way of thinking, she's free to do as she pleases. It's really not your business. (Personally I don't think the fact that she's a cheerleader in high school really has anything to do with it.)

The one caveat is that presumably she's still living at home with you & your wife. So you certainly do have some say with regard to what goes on in your home. Consequently, at least from my perspective, I would say the only thing for you yourself to do or say is... nothing... unless you & your daughter have a particularly close bond to where the two of you are comfortable discussing intimate subjects. To my mind, all you can likely do by intervening after-the-fact is make the situation significantly worse than it is.

I think what perhaps might be appropriate would be for your wife (since she's the one who caught your daughter & her bf in the act) to tell your daughter you & your wife would prefer she refrain from performing sexual acts in your home. (My thinking would be that if you & your wife try to have this discussion with your daughter together it's likely to come off as much more of a confrontation.) And of course make sure she's on some form of birth control, if she's willing to be, & if she's going to be sexually active. I'm assuming your daughter, & probably your wife or maybe even you as well, have discussed the ins-&-outs of human sexuality over the years as your daughter has matured.

The reality here is your daughter is now (presumably) an adult & she & her bf may have been doing this (& perhaps much more) for some time now. And although you may not want her to be performing sexual acts in your home, the reality is there are worse places she & her bf could go to do it. So ultimately, at least from my personal, non-professional perspective, I think the "watch-word" here is to tread carefully. It would be very easy to turn this unfortunate incident into something all three of you will come to regret. My best wishes to you.

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Default Jul 07, 2020 at 03:31 PM
  #3
Well I know what it is and having been caught and embaressed I decided to move out. But your daughter is still young being that she's in school. So tell her you understand she's having sex and that you would prefer she not do it under your nose, in your home, whatever you feel you need to say.

My now 18 year old daughter just started birth control, so that she doesn't get pregnant when she stops abstaining from sex. I'm happy for her decision and openess. I got pregnant at 20 it didn't go well and i wasn't on birth control. My parent's were less open about such topics but my mom did throw birth control at me when she found out i was having sex just didn't take it. Anyway get your daughter on birth control, thinking they will never have sex is an illusion plan and protect.

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Default Jul 07, 2020 at 05:01 PM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
Well... to be honest... I don't know what "giving him head" is. (What can I say, I'm old.) I presume it refers to something sexual. You mentioned your daughter is 18. So I presume where you live she's an adult. She would be where I live. And under those circumstances, to my way of thinking, she's free to do as she pleases. It's really not your business. (Personally I don't think the fact that she's a cheerleader in high school really has anything to do with it.)

The one caveat is that presumably she's still living at home with you & your wife. So you certainly do have some say with regard to what goes on in your home. Consequently, at least from my perspective, I would say the only thing for you yourself to do or say is... nothing... unless you & your daughter have a particularly close bond to where the two of you are comfortable discussing intimate subjects. To my mind, all you can likely do by intervening after-the-fact is make the situation significantly worse than it is.

I think what perhaps might be appropriate would be for your wife (since she's the one who caught your daughter & her bf in the act) to tell your daughter you & your wife would prefer she refrain from performing sexual acts in your home. (My thinking would be that if you & your wife try to have this discussion with your daughter together it's likely to come off as much more of a confrontation.) And of course make sure she's on some form of birth control, if she's willing to be, & if she's going to be sexually active. I'm assuming your daughter, & probably your wife or maybe even you as well, have discussed the ins-&-outs of human sexuality over the years as your daughter has matured.

The reality here is your daughter is now (presumably) an adult & she & her bf may have been doing this (& perhaps much more) for some time now. And although you may not want her to be performing sexual acts in your home, the reality is there are worse places she & her bf could go to do it. So ultimately, at least from my personal, non-professional perspective, I think the "watch-word" here is to tread carefully. It would be very easy to turn this unfortunate incident into something all three of you will come to regret. My best wishes to you.
It means Oral sex.
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Default Jul 07, 2020 at 05:03 PM
  #5
What you do is take her to ob/gyn. Get her on birth control. Test for STDs. Ask gyn to explain to her importance of protection such as using condoms etc Even if on birth control, it’s important to use protection from STDs as you’ve no idea if the guy is monogamous. There really isn’t much you can do besides that especially since she is 18
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Default Jul 07, 2020 at 05:45 PM
  #6
There's a good chance she is as embarassed and mortified as you and your wife are.
Perhaps your wife could ask if she wants to talk about it. Keep an open mind. Suggest (strongly) that she needs to be on birth control if she isn't already.
This is just something teens (and adults) do. It is however, meant to be an intensely private and intimate moment.
This will be an event that you will all remember for the rest of your lives. Don't make it worse than it already is.
Think how you would feel if something like this had happened to you and your wife when you were young. Above all, you don't want her to be scarred for the rest of her life because she was caught doing such a private act. After all, there is no shame in the act itself, but the circumstances are awfully awkward.

Last edited by RockyRoad007; Jul 07, 2020 at 07:31 PM..
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Default Jul 07, 2020 at 06:26 PM
  #7
Have the "safe sex" talk with her and her boyfriend (invite him over for dinner to have the talk). Remove any shame or embarrassment and make the conversation about sex anecdotal instead of accusatory. Since she gave her boyfriend oral sex, they'll probably have sex next (if they already haven't). She's 18, so she's not a child. But since she lives at home, she needs some reminder about boundaries (i.e. they can't do the oral sex/sex in your home) without alienating them both, that is.
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EagleTears
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Default Jul 08, 2020 at 06:42 PM
  #8
Quote:
Originally Posted by mf1438 View Post
My 18 yo daughter is a cheerleader in high school. She’s getting pretty serious about her boyfriend who is also her prom date until my wife caught her in the basement giving him head. What do I say? What do I do?

Your daughter being a cheerleader in high school means nothing when it comes down to being a responsible adult. I would most definitely have the sex talk with her.. Also since shes acting like an adult... maybe you might need to force her to start paying rent (To encourage her to get a paying job if she hasn't already) to continue living at your house. I would also invite her boyfriend over to your house, and get to know him a bit more. First thing you should ask if he currently has a job? Because that's vastly important if your daughter and him are actively having sex... god forbid your daughter gets pregnant by him... whose going to take care of the baby? Is the boyfriend responsible enough to stay behind, and help care for the kid for the 18 years of the kids life... or will he go cold feet, and take off leaving your daughter behind? Either way...
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Default Jul 08, 2020 at 08:20 PM
  #9
I'm surprised by these responses. She's 18, not 14.

I wouldn't mention anything about the incident. I would instead talk with her about this boyfriend in a casual, getting to know conversation. Ask her what he's like, where's he headed after high school, if they're planning on still being together after high school, etc. Then ask straight out if they're sexually active. Briefly talk about the importance of birth control.. and hopefully you've had all along. I'd then extend an invite to have him over for a bar-B-Q.. perhaps with a few other close friends of hers.

I think I'd rather my daughter have sexual activity at home (discretely) than at some unknown location. I'd want her to be prepared and safe. It's one thing being caught by mom, it's another being caught by an officer for doing so in a park.
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