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PinkScience
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Confused Jul 13, 2020 at 04:57 PM
  #1
Apologies that this is likely to be ramble and full of waffle, but itÂ’s probably a good reflection of my brain right now!

But the big question, how do you know what your sexuality is?

Because I am so confused.

I have always thought I was straight; I've had relationships with men, slept with men etc. But since I got out of a toxic relationship a few years ago IÂ’ve just found myself stuck in a weird place. IÂ’ve continued to date men, but it never works out for one reason or another.

I donÂ’t seem to fancy anyone any more. With sex, although when IÂ’m horny I think about men, when actually having sex I quickly get bored and rarely feel satisfied (although it really has been a while at this point!).

When out, I notice women more than men. But this is often in an envious way; ‘wow they look so good, I wish I looked like that’ sort of thing.

I have no experience with women so I canÂ’t compare or rule in/out, but more recently IÂ’m questioning whether maybe the reason things donÂ’t work and I donÂ’t fancy anyone is because maybe I like women? Or whether this is a weird place for my head to go and IÂ’m wrong in even questioning it?

IÂ’ve worded this very badly and probably not included enough detail, but IÂ’d appreciate any advice that youÂ’ve got

🙏🏼

-confused
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Smile Jul 14, 2020 at 12:12 PM
  #2
Hello PinkScience: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central. Another forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the Relationships & Communication forum. Here's a link:

https://psychcentralforums.com/relat...communication/

I don't think your concern is one I can address. Hopefully there will be other PC members who will have some thoughts they can share. My personal thinking, with regard to this, is that your sexual orientation concerns are something perhaps best delved into with the help of a skilled mental health therapist. One concept you might take a look at though, regarding your former relationships with men, involves your attachment style. Here are links to 4 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject just in case you're unfamiliar. Included is a link to a quiz you can take on the subject:

What Is Attachment and Why Is It Important?

What's My Attachment Style and Why Does It Matter?

How to Change Your Attachment Style

Romance and Attachment Quiz | Psych Central

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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PinkScience
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Default Jul 14, 2020 at 01:42 PM
  #3
Quote:
Originally Posted by Skeezyks View Post
Hello PinkScience: I see this is your first post here on PC. Welcome to Psych Central. Another forum, here on PC, that may be of interest to you would be the Relationships & Communication forum. Here's a link:

I don't think your concern is one I can address. Hopefully there will be other PC members who will have some thoughts they can share. My personal thinking, with regard to this, is that your sexual orientation concerns are something perhaps best delved into with the help of a skilled mental health therapist. One concept you might take a look at though, regarding your former relationships with men, involves your attachment style. Here are links to 4 articles, from Psych Central's archives, on the subject just in case you're unfamiliar. Included is a link to a quiz you can take on the subject:

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.
Can this thread be moved there? It doesn’t really suit this section....

Thank you!
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MsLady
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Default Jul 14, 2020 at 02:39 PM
  #4
Quote:
Originally Posted by PinkScience View Post

I have always thought I was straight; I've had relationships with men, slept with men etc. But since I got out of a toxic relationship a few years ago. I’ve continued to date men, but it never works out for one reason or another. I don’t seem to fancy anyone any more. With sex, although when I’m horny I think about men, when actually having sex I quickly get bored and rarely feel satisfied.

When out, I notice women more than men. But this is often in an envious way;
Wow they look so good, I wish I looked like that sort of thing.
I can't answer that for you but know that being in an abusive relationship, can really affect a person in multiple ways.

I personally don't get the impression you're gay or even bisexual. I get the impression there's a lot of unresolved trauma that's preventing you from achieving a satisfying relationship with anyone.

In my own experience (having been in abusive relationships), it doesn't just happen. There's something within us and our past experiences in childhood that lead us to abusive partners. I'd start there, if I were you.

I hope this helps a bit.
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Smile Jul 14, 2020 at 04:18 PM
  #5

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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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