Is this abuse? Am I overthinking this?

I believe IÂ’ve been living with an emotional and mental abuser for a long time now. I feel like IÂ’m walking on eggshells all the time. His emotions go from 0 to 60.

He grew up with a lot of abuse as well. ItÂ’s gotten to the point where I feel scared but even feels scarier to get out. The car is in his name, we share pets.

HeÂ’s not all bad but I feel like IÂ’ve lost my independence and my sanity. IÂ’m exhausted. I work in the arts and when I get work, I have to work. My partner gets upset when I work and when I donÂ’t work. ThereÂ’s no pleasing him. I work to try to pay half of everything and in order to do that I have to work as much as I can. But then he gets angry at me for working too much. Then When IÂ’m struggling to pay my half when IÂ’m not working as much, heÂ’s still just as angry.

Today we were out at Costco and he yelled at me in public about how slow I am and how IÂ’m in LaLa land. IÂ’m really just trying to be considerate of other people and not rushing and heÂ’s so angry that he has to deal with people who wonÂ’t move out of his way. He threatened me when we got to the car and said that he canÂ’t wait to get out of the city and not have to deal with all of these idiots and me. You see I made the mistake of trying to talk to him about how I donÂ’t like the way he treats me and how he talks down to me earlier In The day, so there was a blow up in the parking lot. I might as well be a door matt.

He never ever does house work or dishes or clean up after the pets. ThatÂ’s what IÂ’m expected to do to make up for the fact that I do t earn as much as him and so I can pay my way. I co Stanton clean up after him and I get no recognition or validation. If I even try to discuss it with him, he gets angry. I canÂ’t say anymore or the anger escalates and I get scared. IÂ’ve never been hit but doors have been slammed and broken, things have been thrown. I donÂ’t want to press my luck in any case. I just want a calm relaxed environment. I recently opened up to a friend who has been staying on and off at our house and even he said he noticed how my partner was putting me down and how quick he is to anger. There are more things I could say but weÂ’d be here for forever.

Bottom line, I am getting to the point where IÂ’m consistently miserable and I need to talk to a therapist of some sort. I was always a happy go lucky person and now IÂ’m anything but. I was thinking of seeing a psychiatrist as OHIP covers it but I need a referral and have to wait for awhile. Anyone recommend other kinds of therapy that might help?

The best therapy I can offer would be getting you and your pets out of there. Usually abuse like this escalates and if he's already breaking/throwing things....... I know it's very scary to leave but you're scared everyday that you are there walking on eggshells.

I see you are in Ontario so this should have resources that would help you Find Help Across Canada - Ending Violence Association of Canada they even tell you how to clear your internet history so he can't see that you visited the site. They will be able to point you to counselors that deal specifically with what you are going through. Also if you do want out they will be able to help you figure that out too.

Good luck to you and welcome to Psych Central

That is abusive behaviour. You need to get out. It will never get better, and could get much worse. He has no respect for you whatsoever.

Can you move back home? At least for a short while? I realize one of the biggest things holding you back is probably financial. Don't let that stop you.
As the other poster mentioned contact an abused women's centre. They may have counselling available for you or info on where you can get free or low cost counselling. A modern day psychiatrist doesn't do much talk therapy. There are so few of them, their role is mainly for prescribing medication. I'm not sure I would use psych medication to make it palatable to stay in an abusive situation.
Another option may be final year students if you have any higher education facilities near you training counsellors, social workers, pyschologists etc. Those in their final year may have a set number of hours of counselling to complete to graduate.

I wish you the best, and hope you can find the inner fortitude to make your best possible choice.

It's abuse. I doubt he'll ever change. I think you need to leave this guy.

Yes, it is abuse. Abusers aren't necessarily abusive all the time, this is why people stay longer than they should in such toxic relationships. They can be nice, caring, charming. This is the game they play to keep their 'prey' bound to them.

And yes, you are overthinking. You are over-analysing the situation. Instead, it is time to take action and leave him. Not saying this is going to be easy but it is the only way.

I didn't even have to read the whole thing to tell this is 100% abuse and you do NOT and should NOT put up with this! Oh, and there is nothing you can say to change him!