advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
lovethesun
Member
 
lovethesun's Avatar
lovethesun has no updates.
 
Member Since: Dec 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 341
8 yr Member
58 hugs
given
Default Aug 01, 2020 at 04:57 PM
  #21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
Now that your daughter is at this age, it's time to sit and talk to her about being causeous with people that hand her gifts like this as often there are strings attached that she may not be aware of. Sometimes it's a way in so that the person giving the gift can get information about others be it in a group or a family. There CAN be hidden motives involved that a young niave person that she still is right now may not yet understand. It can be an effort to single out, get some interactions going where the person is gradually grooming for information, to get something they want that the person receiving the gift or compliment may not recognize at first.

This is something practiced ALL THE TIME when it comes to human beings too. This is an effort to draw someone in, this kind of interaction happens a lot online too. Lots of people use tricks to get people to interact and share information about themselves or to get attention to buy things too. It's nice to get things, it's nice to believe someone might care too, yet, it's ALWAYS important to pay attention to the fact that this other person may WANT SOMETHING from you that you may not know yet.

It's important to let your daughter know "I love you" and want you to be happy and I want what's best for you. Unfortuantely, in the world out there, a lot of people are not like that and instead they look to take advantage of your lack of experience and they use you and try to pull you in for something THEY want from you.

Often we do love our child and try to raise them to be a nice person too. Yet, that being a nice person can make them a target for someone who preys on that "nice" for their own gain that the "nice" girl may not understand yet.

You CAN share your concerns about this aunt with your daughter without making her confused or feeling bad about getting this nice gift. She CAN be gracious and thankful, yet at the same time have boundaries where she doesn't owe this aunt anything but a gracious thank you and "thank you auntie for this amazing gift". It doesn't have to be anything more than that or mean you suddenly have to invite that aunt in where she might want you as an unsuspecting informant or to gain influence either.

Truth is, there are many things out there in the world designed to influence us. Things for us to buy or try or how to follow fashion or trends or groups and to invest ourselves for someone else's gain. It's important to always consider "now what does this person want from me?".
Openeyes....THANK YOU! You said it all perfectly. I absolutely 100% DO think that this necklace gift has strings attached. This aunt, in my opinion, is attempting to worm her way back into our lives using my daughter. Hence the title I chose for my post. And she wants back into our lives for some purpose of personal gain. it could be to gain information by opening up communications with my daughter (especially since communication was cut off with me and my husband). So who's the easiest person to use to gain access??.....a young 16 year old girl, of course! I don't know what the aunt's aim is, but she has an aim for something.

I have seen the same pattern repeat with this woman for the last 20 years. I know too much to know better than to think this woman has suddenly changed her stripes. Tigers don't do that as the old saying goes. Especially suspect is that this woman ignored the birthdays of BOTH my daughters for the past 3 years! Even more suspect, why does she shower expensive gifts on my older daughter, but completely ignores my younger daughter? The aunt gave her nothing! Not even a phone call. Younger daughter has birthday in July just like my older one, the aunt said she'd call....SHE NEVER DID!

My daughter has a good gut instinct about things and has already said to me she feels the gift from the aunt was suspicious. She's smart enough to ask questions when someone who has no place in your life suddenly surfaces out of the blue showering you with expensive gifts. My daughter said she never asked for the gift and really did not want it. I told her to keep on asking questions and always keep her guard up about "suspicious gift giving".

She just mailed a thank you card to the aunt with a very simple 3 sentence message of thanks and appreciation for the gift. The gift deserves a thank you, but nothing more.

And you're right. this stuff happens online too. It's what makes the internet a dangerous place for children. These "suspicious gifts" fall into the same category as "favors you don't ask for". It's all manipulation!
lovethesun is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Open Eyes

advertisement
Open Eyes
Legendary Wise Elder
 
Open Eyes's Avatar
Open Eyes Not a Unicorn, just another horse
 
Member Since: Mar 2011
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 23,093 (SuperPoster!)
10 yr Member
21.3k hugs
given
PC PoohBah!
Default Aug 01, 2020 at 06:41 PM
  #22
It’s nice to learn your daughter shared her concerns with you. These challenges are good in that it gives you a chance to learn where your daughter is at and to have a general discussion about this topic. You can have a discussion of all the different ways people can influence others so your daughter can get wiser about people and life in general. These are important years as it won’t be long before your daughter goes off to college maybe. Sometimes our family teaches us important lessons that makes a difference in the future.
Open Eyes is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:34 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.