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Webmad22
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Member Since: Aug 2020
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Default Aug 01, 2020 at 06:29 PM
  #1
Hello
I'm new.

I'm 35 and happily married. My family, dad, mum, 3 sisters, 1 brother have affected both our lives.

Dad was never really happy with the face that i chose an aussie to he with. He wanted me to find a rich greek boy. He was born on australia to greek parents and married a maltese woman.
His mother married a turkish man.

My eldest sister married a greek, 1 of my other sister married and indian, had a baby to him divorced him, and is now back with her first boyfriend, who she has a baby with, hes been divorced twice and had 5 kids between his 2 wives.

My husband and i have been together for 17 years. He fell in line with the family when he was 19, he suffers from autism and aspergers. People could easily manipulate him. Over the years my dad bought us several cars and a business, ehich we were always paying for. Every cent my husband earned from work went to my dad. We survived on centrelink payments.

My dad gave my husband his vending business last year. He had an accountant and said there would be a contract. Dad kept changing things. He took it back and never back my husband a cent. He came up one night with my brother and took our car, trailer and tools from pur garage. He even took our gardening equipment.

The car was in my husbands name. My dad said he was taking everything to repay our debt. Despite giving him all our earning and my husbands tax returns for 10 years, my dad said we still owed $45000 plus interest. Then he took my mum overseas on holiday, something they did every year.

My husband and i started getting speeding fines in the mail. We tried contacting everyone in the family, to ask dad to tell people t9 dtoo using our car, transfer the rego and pay their fines.

My dad blocked our phone numbers and emails. He sebt one message saying he didnt care about the fines, we have no respect for him and no desire to pay our debt. He said he told everyone to not talk to me because he wanted me to feel like him.

My brother sent an email saying thanks for the car r****** with smiley faces. A few weeks later mum and dad returned to australia, i texted my brother asking him if mum and dad were back yet. He said "go ***** yourself thanks. Your exbrother eliot ".

My husband was ropable and emailled my brother telling him not to speak to me like that ever again. My brother said he was coming up to cave our heads in.

I rang my dads number and got through. I said "hi dad, how are you?" He hung up on me, sent me a text saying, "im blocking you number because i dont know if im talking to you or him. Im telling everyone to do the same.

He heard my voice! I dont sound like a man. My brother rang our friend up, who lived with us. He got his number from his Facebook business page. He told him he was coming up to our house to shoot all if us and our friends children. The phone was on loudspeaker. After the brief phone call, our friends was going to drive to my dads house to have it out with them. My husband talked him out of it.

Our friend theb got a call from a police station. My brother was there wanting him charged. My brother showed the police his phone and they told him he was in wrong, not our friend. My brother told the police he didnt want to see or hear from our friend again, our friend agreed.

My husband then got a call from the same police officer. My brother was now wanting him to be charged. My husband agreed not to speak to or see my brother again. My brother then carried on, talking about drug dealers he owes money to and that hes so angry with our lies hes coming up to cave our heads in. He punched a police office and did damage to their waiting room. We found out off a friend later that my brother had been aressted and remanded in custody for 2 days.

A few days later, my dad put a complaint on about my husband to the police. He told them
I was being bashed and abused. My husband got a call to go to the police station, where he was told this, my dad got a police car to his house to complain. My husband was signed up to a community course to learn how to respect me and to not abuse me. For the record, my husband has never hit me or abused me. The only abuse i get us from my family. Dad also sent my sisters boyfriend and a heavy to come around and intimidate him into doing what they want. It didnt work and they said if i wasnt home they would have put my husband in the hospital.

For the past few months my dad has veen calling me once a week, he continually tells me to divorce my husband and find a rich man with a house. He also said my husband can fix things with the family after he apologises to him and pays him what he owes. He also said i need to apologise for siding with my husband and not him.

We have since found out that my dad was claiming centrelink in my name for years before i got and in my brother and sisters names. He also never paid my husband and i properly at any of his businesses, didnt pay us tax or super.

He applied for a liquor licence in my husbands name, got car insurance in my husbands name, pretebded to be my husband on the phone and applied for a credit card in my husbands name.

I have been brainwashed by my family since i was young and im finding it hard to let go, despite what they have done to us. I wont leave my husband and i know my dad will get in trouble soon because of his dodgy dealings. He said the tax department has given him a debt and he cant travel overseas until it is paid. My husbamd says dad lives well beyond his means, several credit cards and cash businesses. He also said if things didnt go how they did, we could still be under the thumb, he doesnt know if he had the mental strength to break away. He can see how his behavior was modified. For serious threats, my husband used to tell my dad and he would fix it. That is the way. But now we both agree that criminal acts and threats have to be reported to the police.

Im sorry this post is so long but if you have some advice for me on how to break their hold on me i will he cery grateful. I am seeong a councilor with my husband next week.

Thank you
Jennifer

Last edited by feralkittymom; Aug 01, 2020 at 10:24 PM.. Reason: insulting word
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Default Aug 02, 2020 at 06:09 AM
  #2
Hi there. If I were you, I would cut ALL contact with your entire family. It is most disturbing what they have been doing to you, which is beyond abuse. They are extremely toxic and are messing with your lives. I wouldn't want anything to do with them, if it were me. I know it may be difficult to cut ties with your family, but since they are SO toxic to you, it really is in your best interests and for your own health, safety and well being. Hugs to you, and welcome to the forums. I hope you find some comfort and good support here.

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Smile Aug 02, 2020 at 01:15 PM
  #3
Welcome to Psych Central, Jennifer. I'm sorry I don't think I have any personal advice I can offer you. However here are links to 6 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help. (The first link is actually to a series of articles on the subject of dealing with difficult or toxic people):

How to Deal with Difficult or Toxic People

5 Manipulation Tactics Narcissistic Parents Use To Control Their Adult Children

11 Mandatory Rules for Dealing With a Narcissist

11 Ways to Set Boundaries with Narcissists

How To Heal From a Narcissistic Parent | The Exhausted Woman

https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-tips...amily-members/

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

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