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Default Aug 06, 2020 at 04:21 PM
  #1
It's amazing to me - people's bad behavior still never ceases to amaze me, and I'm nearing 50.

I asked two colleagues to recommend me on LinkedIn - with no response despite two attempts on my part.

One of them I saved from total ruin with a mutual client by building a sales Web page that finally produced sales and leads for the client. Before I helped out his team, this individual was failing miserably. This was outside the scope of my job, and a volunteer project for another team, of which this individual is a VP.

The other individual, a higher level Director, had offered me a recommendation when I left the company. I had helped her a few times as well. When I left she said "you are amazing".

But I get crickets. No word from either person. It's been two weeks and I've written both people TWICE.

It's beyond disappointing.

What is just as amazing is that this same client offered to write me a recommendation. So at least there's that - and thank goodness for her.

I am still very disappointed in a portion of humanity. Why not lend a hand to a co-worker who helped you? What is wrong with people? I am astounded. Truly.

This not only solidifies my belief that only 5% of the human population are good, caring, honest, ethical and decent human beings, but it lowers that percentage to about 2-3%.

Yeah, I'm a bit bitter.

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Last edited by Have Hope; Aug 06, 2020 at 05:01 PM..
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Default Aug 07, 2020 at 02:20 AM
  #2
All such dissapointments happen because you compare.
You compare them with yourself.
But all people are different and behind their "bad" behavior could be a lot of weird reasons you just cannot grasp
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Default Aug 07, 2020 at 05:32 AM
  #3
It's not comparison. It's expecting people to do the decent humane thing.

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Default Aug 07, 2020 at 05:34 AM
  #4
Have you tried calling those people? Maybe they haven’t seen your request. (Benefit of the doubt). A personal connection will get positive results and this gives you an excuse for the follow up. Show concern and care for them in the conversation as to how they are faring in the pandemic and such.

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Default Aug 07, 2020 at 05:36 AM
  #5
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Have you tried calling those people? Maybe they haven’t seen your request. (Benefit of the doubt). A personal connection will get positive results and this gives you an excuse for the follow up. Show concern and care for them in the conversation as to how they are faring in the pandemic and such.
That's definitely an idea. I've already emailed one twice at his work email. I texted the other twice on her cell phone. I don't want to hound or be nuisance if I follow up with a phone call?

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Default Aug 07, 2020 at 05:53 AM
  #6
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That's definitely an idea. I've already emailed one twice at his work email. I texted the other twice on her cell phone. I don't want to hound or be nuisance if I follow up with a phone call?
The one you texted,, I wouldn’t call, it’s the same thing. The one with the work email could possibly no longer be at that job and email? So I don’t see harm in a call.

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Default Aug 07, 2020 at 06:26 AM
  #7
If she still works at that company and didn’t reply to two emails it’s safe to say she saw emails but wish to not be bothered. Unless she is the kind of person who doesn’t check work emails, we have someone like that at work. I doubt you want that kind of person’s recommendation.

The one you texted twice, did she reply to the text at all? If not, it’s likely she doesn’t want to give recommendation or be bothered at all or is just lazy.

Now is there any reason they might not want to give a recommendation? Could it be that they are not necessarily nasty people but just don’t want to recommend you. I am not saying they are right or justified in that but that might be the case with them? Or they just in general don’t like recommending people?

Sorry you have to deal with it. I’d not be calling them. Is there anyone else who could do it for you?
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Default Aug 07, 2020 at 06:41 AM
  #8
I am pretty certain that both people are still with the company. The one I emailed is the VP of marketing and operations. The other is a Director and I know she's still there too.

The VP may just be an a-hole - I saved him from losing a very important client, and he may not want to give me due credit, just like my boss did. I am sure he's received both my emails at this point.

The female Director had OFFERED her recommendation or a reference as soon as I was laid off. She's the one I texted twice.

I am assuming that both people are just selfish a-holes who are not willing to help, despite the fact that I helped both of them.

On the opposite end, I had my most difficult client offer me a recommendation on LinkedIn yesterday.

I can also ask my CEO for one.

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Default Aug 07, 2020 at 09:14 AM
  #9
I’m so sorry. I really do feel for you right now.

I’ve gone through a really hard time over this past year and what I’ve noticed is this... it’s quite often that most of the people you thought you could count on are the ones who walk away and turn their backs on you when you need them the most. It is the most painful and lonely feeling.

It takes a lot of resilience to pull yourself out of a hard time like this and I believe you have it.

I also believe you will find help and support in the most unexpected places. There will be other people willing to help you so don’t lose faith in everyone.Your personal and professional path is likely to take a very different turn after all this and it’s likely to be for the better.

Reading your post just now and thinking about our past discussions further clarifies to me the importance of matching the efforts of others... and NO more. You and I talked about this very recently. I have pulled way back at work and I find that I’m happier and I even get along better with others when I... Do NOT care anymore. I go through the motions and save my emotional energy for myself.

I’m still willing to be that person who would offer help and support but I’m VERY VERY selective about it now and for the time being my main focus is to be careful.

Keep us posted how things go for you. I’m hopeful for you.
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Default Aug 07, 2020 at 09:31 AM
  #10
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I’m so sorry. I really do feel for you right now.

I’ve gone through a really hard time over this past year and what I’ve noticed is this... it’s quite often that most of the people you thought you could count on are the ones who walk away and turn their backs on you when you need them the most. It is the most painful and lonely feeling.

It takes a lot of resilience to pull yourself out of a hard time like this and I believe you have it.

I also believe you will find help and support in the most unexpected places. There will be other people willing to help you so don’t lose faith in everyone.Your personal and professional path is likely to take a very different turn after all this and it’s likely to be for the better.

Reading your post just now and thinking about our past discussions further clarifies to me the importance of matching the efforts of others... and NO more. You and I talked about this very recently. I have pulled way back at work and I find that I’m happier and I even get along better with others when I... Do NOT care anymore. I go through the motions and save my emotional energy for myself.

I’m still willing to be that person who would offer help and support but I’m VERY VERY selective about it now and for the time being my main focus is to be careful.

Keep us posted how things go for you. I’m hopeful for you.
Thanks SO much......

Yes, I am resilient and I will bounce back from this, perhaps even stronger than before.

I couldn't agree more about what I bolded in your message. People are innately selfish, I've concluded. Even if you've helped them out, perhaps even saved them from failure, they are too selfish to return the favor. It says volumes about THEM and their character to me.

Ironically, my most difficult former client came to me and offered to help with a recommendation! So I am thrilled and most grateful! She's a good one.

I am SO happy for you regarding your own work situation, and I am very proud of you!!!! You have struggled with that issue for a long time now, and it seems you've found a great solution that is working well for you. And I am SO glad you feel happier! Kudos to. you and great work!!!!!!

I, too, am learning valuable lessons when dealing with others. Very valuable. I am going to proceed with caution the next go around. Far greater caution than I exercised in my last job.

I will definitely keep people posted on what's happening.

Thanks again.

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Default Aug 08, 2020 at 09:32 AM
  #11
Well I may have made a mistake. HR wrote to me the other day asking how I am doing and to check in. That was nice of her, I thought, especially since I am no longer with the company. Then, after emailing my CEO early Friday about a written LinkedIn recommendation as well, and after NOT hearing back from him either, I wrote HR a note telling her how disappointed and disheartened I was about the fact that not one single person had agreed to write me a recommendation. I informed her of contacting two individuals twice, and the CEO Friday morning, and I told her that it is most disheartening after devoting my heart and soul to my work for two years to not hear back from any one of the three people.

I hope doing so won't harm my reference with the CEO. I really need his glowing endorsement for future employment. I imagine at the worst, HR will inform him that I was disappointed and hurt by not hearing from him? I hope that's the worst that will happen.

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Default Aug 08, 2020 at 09:45 AM
  #12
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Well I may have made a mistake. HR wrote to me the other day asking how I am doing and to check in. That was nice of her, I thought, especially since I am no longer with the company. Then, after emailing my CEO early Friday about a written LinkedIn recommendation as well, and after NOT hearing back from him either, I wrote HR a note telling her how disappointed and disheartened I was about the fact that not one single person had agreed to write me a recommendation. I informed her of contacting two individuals twice, and the CEO Friday morning, and I told her that it is most disheartening after devoting my heart and soul to my work for two years to not hear back from any one of the three people.

I hope doing so won't harm my reference with the CEO. I really need his glowing endorsement for future employment. I imagine at the worst, HR will inform him that I was disappointed and hurt by not hearing from him? I hope that's the worst that will happen.

I’m guessing the CEO would have to be careful. It’s not good for the company if their employees are trashing people’s reputations. I think most managers are happy to give a good reference, even if they didn’t get along well with or got upset with the person. It’s understandable that you feel anxious about all this right now. Hang in there.
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Default Aug 08, 2020 at 10:04 AM
  #13
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I’m guessing the CEO would have to be careful. It’s not good for the company if their employees are trashing people’s reputations. I think most managers are happy to give a good reference, even if they didn’t get along well with or got upset with the person. It’s understandable that you feel anxious about all this right now. Hang in there.
Thanks @LilyMop!

You make a good point. I also recall that I think it may be illegal for an employer to say anything negative about a former employer? At least in my state, that is. I will have to look it up.

I pray I did not harm my good reference from the CEO.

And yes, I am pretty anxious right now.

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Default Aug 08, 2020 at 11:42 AM
  #14
It’s not illegal as there is no explicit law like that but employers run a risk of law suits when they badmouth former employees so they typically do not do it.
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Default Aug 08, 2020 at 08:36 PM
  #15
Well I heard from my CEO today. He will write a recommendation for me on LinkedIn. Thank goodness! We’re having lunch this week.

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Default Aug 09, 2020 at 10:58 AM
  #16
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Well I heard from my CEO today. He will write a recommendation for me on LinkedIn. Thank goodness! We’re having lunch this week.

This is great news. I’m really glad to hear it.
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Default Aug 09, 2020 at 11:15 AM
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This is great news. I’m really glad to hear it.
Aw thanks! Me too!! I’m relieved.

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Default Aug 10, 2020 at 12:49 PM
  #18
Wow --- so, I made a complaint to HR, who had written me last week to "check in" with me, even after I was gone from the company. I informed her that I was most disappointed to not hear back from a few people on a recommendation. Well, that must have lit a fire!!!!!!!! She must have told two of the individuals, including the CEO and the VP. I had emailed the VP for a recommendation TWICE, with no reply. Well, not only did I receive a positive glowing recommendation from my CEO today, but the VP wrote one as well!

My faith in humanity has been restored!!!!!!

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Default Aug 16, 2020 at 10:00 AM
  #19
Can relate to this.

Very few people mean what they say when you leave a job. You've also discovered that people don't want to give someone recognition for getting them out of a hole. Many lower grade employees make those further up the ladder look good. Even less get the credit.

As for LinkedIn, found it very disappointing in lots of ways. Job posts weren't relevant to my experience so never applied for any. Then had colleagues I'd never met reading my profile after I'd been made redundant from the company. In the end, just closed my account to get away from this unwanted interest. Site doesn't allow you to block a company, only individuals.

Sadly, too many companies rely on social media these days to see whether someone is a good fit. Your CV and interview performance should still be the best route.

Good luck!
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Default Aug 16, 2020 at 11:07 AM
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Can relate to this.

Very few people mean what they say when you leave a job. You've also discovered that people don't want to give someone recognition for getting them out of a hole. Many lower grade employees make those further up the ladder look good. Even less get the credit.

As for LinkedIn, found it very disappointing in lots of ways. Job posts weren't relevant to my experience so never applied for any. Then had colleagues I'd never met reading my profile after I'd been made redundant from the company. In the end, just closed my account to get away from this unwanted interest. Site doesn't allow you to block a company, only individuals.

Sadly, too many companies rely on social media these days to see whether someone is a good fit. Your CV and interview performance should still be the best route.

Good luck!
Very true. I believe the VP only wrote a recommendation because HR prompted him.

And the CEO hit on me at lunch last week, so there’s that too. But he did write a recommendation.

Everyone relies on LinkedIn these days - it does suck. That’s why I needed these recommendations on my profile. Many online applications for jobs require your LinkedIn profile along with your resume and cover letter.

I’ve found lots of potential jobs there but have never secured a job through LinkedIn. That being said, initially I made a connection with my CEO on LinkedIn. That’s what peaked his interest in me, was due to my profile.

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