Feeling disappointed with a friend

I recently did something good for myself. I was able to schedule a doctor's appointment that I've been putting off for a few years because of generally bad mental health/feelings of worthlessness ("I don't deserve medical care," blah blah that kind of thing). I shared this news with my friend because I was happy and wanted to celebrate with someone. They said they were proud of me but it sounded kind of lukewarm. A short while later they started sharing some of their own personal issues with me. I tried to make them feel better and gave them some advice but I feel kinda like ****. We've both had hard lives but almost every time I share something good happening in my life they immediately share something bad and need my help/advice. I don't mind helping them but to be honest I feel really disappointed. I wish I could just celebrate with someone and have a moment about me. That's a huge mental shift for me since I used to hate any kind of attention or self-positivity, and it hurts to feel like my success gets brushed off so quickly. I don't want to make my friend feel bad if I point it out but I also feel like they tend to make things about themselves when I'm trying to be happy about my small victories. Idk.

I think it’s good that you noticed this dynamic you experience with this particular person. Maybe without realizing it you tend to be shy and gravitate towards individuals that tend to fill conversations with themselves. Often this kind of individual is not all that in tune with others but prefers to fill conversations with their own life challenges. This type of individual typically doesn’t spend much time listening unless they see someone that has an issue they have been dealing with themselves and can take over by instructing.

I am sorry as it’s actually great that you finally made an important appointment to take care of yourself.

Congrats on making doctor’s appointment!!! Excellent news!!! When is your appointment?

Sadly some people just can’t help it. All they want is to talk about themselves. They might give you an illusion of caring about you but eventually they always switch topic on endlessly talking about their own woes. They aren’t necessarily bad people, they are just too preoccupied with themselves to fully focus on others (unless it’s a superficial interest in others). I don’t blame you for feeling disappointed.

Good luck with your appt, hope you’ll be able to address whatever concerns you have. Hugs

Good job making the appointment!

I have found that people who are depressed or unhappy about their own lives cannot celebrate or share in the happiness of others' successes. It comes from envy, and not being able to feel happy for someone else because it's almost like a dig at their life if yours is going better than theirs is. It's not right and it's not fair. But if this is a repetitive issue within your friendship, I would consider dropping this friend. True friends are able to be happy for one another, no matter what is going on for themselves.

Congrats on making a doctor's appointment! Hugs.

Congratulations on taking a big step in the right direction. Keep moving forward. I hope your friend comes around and feels inspired by your progress rather than discouraged. Treat your friend and yourself with compassion but definitely keep taking the best care of yourself and don’t let anybody drag you down

Yes, that is disappointing. That person is not being a good friend to you.

Some people are like that, with egocentric tendencies where it's all me-me-me.

I recently had a similar conversation with a friend who was blindsided by her "friends" behavior toward her about a small dilemma in her life. WHAT shocked the hell out of me is her friend is supposed to be a licensed mental health person. The selfish things this girl said wanted me to make a road trip and slap the **** outta her. I talked to her about the dilemma her so called friend practically shamed her for. My thing to you is congrats on taking an initiative on your well being.. You come first.. if you arent well.... you cant be well for anyone or anything else. WE ALL are going through something. One day at a time.. It took me years to be able to admit and submit to opening pandoras box inside me. No regrets. had wonderful Dr. He saved me from myself

Your friend sounds like an emotional vampire to me; putting you down to make herself feel better. She knows you are empathetic and will feed her ego with your genuinely caring nature. She knows she can take advantage of you and use gaslighting and other manipulative psychological tools to keep you on the hook. Keep standing your ground when she tries to interrupt you in order to one-up you. It will feel scary to be assertive, until you become comfortable sticking up for yourself. Good for you.

Good job on taking the step and making that appointment. No one knows how good that feels if you havent been able to do it in the past. Your friend should been very excited about it with you. If they knew you at all like a friend would. A friend would know how big deal this was to you. Everyone needs to celabrate those kind of hurtles and usually a friend feels honored that they were the one you chose to share your celabration with. I feel sorry for your friend my dear because you may just out grow that friend one of these days. You keep up the good work and keep on growing.

It's important we keep doing what's best for us. Some friends will come and some will go. Those supportive of you will bring balance into the friendship. They'll cultivate hope.

I agree with the others that this doesn't sound like a good friend. I've had similar experiences with a few friends in the past (they made everything about them etc) Congratulations on making an important appointment, this deserves to be celebrated (I'm sorry about this late reply, I've only recently been reading more in this part of the forum)