Always setting myself up to be hurt

I have tried being strong, but my abandonment issues are preventing me from walking away.. I have feelings for someone and I have really been setting myself up to get hurt. I hang out with this “friend” and we have really gotten close. I mean, we sleep in the same bed..sometimes there is intimacy. From what I understood he isn’t seeing anyone. He knows how I feel about him too...we are really close friends as he calls it. We’re hanging out tonight with another couple and a female texts him. He tried to play it off like I am assuming iit was a female....please...I’m not stupid. Anyways, he was stepping out with her for a few to smoke weed. I was hanging with him, and since he couldn’t even mention I’m there it tells me she probably likes him to some degree. He told me that he has other friends and what I do is my business and what he does is his. I feel real stupid..I cooked us all dinner! I don’t do that for platonic friends....Now I feel like I’m a dirty secret..He knows how I feel but he doesn’t care that I get hurt..I just need to detach from him. Maybe someday when I get a boyfriend we can be friends again...he doesn’t want me but yet he is also holding me back from meeting someone else. I’m sorry, but if he truly cared about me he wouldn’t be asking someone else to come meet him...even if it is innocent..he told me he isn’t seeing anyone..he really doesn’t see how that is hurting me. It’s like he knows how I feel about him, and he enjoys the ego boost. How can he possibly think I wouldn’t be upset? How would he like it if I told him I have plans with someone else? Probably wouldn’t care...he’s good at acting like he cares...

I am so sorry you are hurting, Disney. Sounds like he wants FWB and you have feelings. That is a recipe for pain--yours. I have been there and moving on was always the best move
Find someone who treasures you, you will be much happier.
Hugs!

The positive in what you shared is that you are beginning to recognize some things about this relationship that is not healthy for you. The truth Disney is that people will use you if you let them. There are times when a person doesn't care and that never means you deserve to have that kind of person in your life. The truth is, that your feeling like you are setting yourself up to be hurt means that you are starting to give another person more power over you than you should. If you are allowing another person to tell you your worth, that is giving that other person too much power. Abandonment happens when allowing another person to dictate our worth and often it's a person who really doesn't deserve to have that kind of power to begin with.

Yes, he wants FWB and to see other women without it being an issue. But it is an issue for YOU, and it's making you upset. For you, he's more like a boyfriend. The best thing you can do for yourself is cut ties, sever the relationship and walk away.

Honestly he can’t hold you back from meeting other people. He doesn’t have the kind of power.

Is this man visiting you in your house and taking you places? Are you ever going anywhere or all of this takes place in his house? You can stop going to his house, stop sleeping there and stop cooking for him and his buddies. Then it will be over. It’s been going on for a long time and the only reason it’s going on is because you keep going to his house. See what happens if you stop.

PS you are referring to him as a “friend”. How is he a friend? People aren’t upset when their “friends” have romantic encounters with other people. So he is someone you want more from and he isn’t giving it to you. It’s not a “friendship”. It upsets and stresses you and friendship supposed to be uplift you and make you happy

We have gone places together, but I wouldn’t say it’s every weekend. Last weekend we did and it’s been kind of spontaneous when we do. He took me out in July..but like I said it is spontaneous. He definitely goes out to eat with his buddies more.

Never be someone's last minute plan or second fiddle. In this situation, you have made yourself to be a convenience for him and a bit of a doormat - I hate to say that, but you have. Please show yourself some self respect, cut it off, and find and be with someone who wants YOU as much as YOU want them.

Yes...basically when he gets lonely..my friend (female) has this theory that a guy should be more into you than you are into him..

Ot at the very least, equal amounts. You deserve someone who is just as into you as you are into them!

I think it has to be equal for it to work. But that’s in a romantic relationship.

I am still confused on him being a “friend”. I am not “into” my friends. If he is your friend he doesn’t need to be into you at all, you have to have natural friendship. You’d also be excited if friends have romance going for them. My good friend just’ve met someone and I am happy about it and love to hear about their dates. The fact that you are upset he is talking to women means it’s not a friendship. I’d stop calling it friendship

They are friends with benefits. FWB. It's just a casual thing with no commitment.

I know what FWB is. She keeps referring to him as a friend. If he is a friend (with benefits or not) then she wouldn’t be jealous if he talks to women and she wouldn’t want more from him. I think this is a man she wants romantic relationship with but he doesn’t want to. That’s not a friend.

Understandable

You're getting caught up in semantics and word use.

I just wouldn’t refer to him as a friend. It doesn’t fit definition of friendship imho. He isn’t particularly nice to Disney. Friends are nice to each other. I value friendship too much to refer to people who aggravate me as “friends”. As about FWB. I had FWB. We weren’t in a place to have a relationship but we also did not feel possessive of each other or jealous because we weren’t romantic partners. No romantic feelings were involved. This guy doesn’t strike me as a friend or as a romantic partner. The whole situation sucks for Disney

It's hard to have a friends with benefits kind of situation. Not many people can do it and not get emotionally attached. It sounds like you are attached. If you are truly in a friends with benefits situation he is free to date whoever he wants and you are too.