Met a man on Bumble, he came over to my place last night

I met a deaf man on Bumble and he came over to my place last night. He came all over me. lol, oh well, such is life. He is ten years younger so don't know if he is interested in me as a person. He is charming and tall. He works as a programmer here. He is from the Netherlands. He is nice but he can't hear so I have to shout all of the time. This is the first time I've been with a deaf person. It was ok. I think he is ok as a person. I don't know where this interaction will go for now. I shall see. If it works out, great, If not, so be it. Bumble is a nice app but I've realized men on there want hookups. But, he says on his profile he wants a relationship but I am not sure. He slept over. I knew this would happen. I sort of like him but know he may be looking for just a hookup. I will let it go. I was overwhelmed by his aggressiveness. I don't feel bad but wonder what will happen from now. We are now on each other's social media app. He is single with no kids. So, there is a possibility it might lead to a relationship, who knows! Thank you for reading.

Was this your first time meeting irl?

I do not understand why people who want hookups don't just go to a hookup site--there are a billion of them. All people want there is sex. Not for me. Why not just be honest?

Yes, we met and hooked up. I don't think he is interested in me that much because I wrote him and he has not written back. It is ok. I learned my lesson. I think I will try to stay by myself. I think my judgment was impaired again. So, I got hurt. I will get over it. If he writes back, I don't know how I will respond but realize he may just want sex again. So, I am not going to go for this anymore. Thank you for reading.

Nothing wrong with casual sex or a hookup but it’s important to get to know these people first before inviting them over and becoming intimate. It could be very dangerous. Not every encounter should lead to a meaningful relationship so there is nothing wrong with casual sex or just hanging out but you have to be careful for safety reasons. It could end ugly

You keep saying this, yet keep getting online to meet men. If you want to meet men and date, that's one thing, but if you truly want to be alone and work on your own self and life, you're unable to and you keep trying to find a man. I think it's hard for you to be alone. Perhaps it's the pandemic, or perhaps it's a fear of being alone. There's nothing wrong with either situation. But you keep contradicting yourself. Every time you say you're going to be alone, you create a new thread on how you met a new man.

He is working at home on the computer, and I realized he needs to focus on his work. He finally wrote me.

Yes, I've been single for over 10 years now. I have lived without men in my life for the past three years.

I am doing ok. I am getting many matches on Bumble, but they are mostly looking for hookups. So, I will stick with this man for awhile. I already have been with him and like him. He is ok. He is doing well despite his deafness. He seems ok. He is living in the expensive parts of the city so he must be doing well. I think for me since I took a chance with him, I will stay with him for awhile. Although he is immersed in his work, he does respond and acknowledge me so there is a possibility we can have some type of relationship. Although it may be more heavy on the physical side and light on the emotional side. He is kind of awkward in his social behavior but seems to be highly intelligent in many ways. I don't think he has a clue that I have a mental illness. There is no need to tell him if it is not an issue for now. So, overall, I have hope he will return to meet me again.

I find that concerning. Would you want to be in a relationship with someone aggressive?

You didn't seem to be that much into him either from what you wrote.

Loneliness can make us accept people we may not normally accept when we are feeling Ok. I think it's pure loneliness and not feeling OK with that.

You are right. I am moving on and have been talking to other men from Bumble. I will be ok. He is too aggressive and may be doing this to other women. I will be ok.

I am trying to balance my life with work and fun. I am lonely, yes. but realize I need to still take care of myself and be happy with myself which I am so far. I am doing well and am not going to become depressed about not having a man in my life. I have not had a relationship, meaning a real one, for awhile now. So, I am not too worried about it anymore. I did become hurt by the married man for ignoring me though so I have to be careful about such men. I knew this would happen though, but when it did I was unhappy and started searching for others to talk with. I will be ok nevertheless.

Are you okay with having 0 emotional support her connection and only physical stuff? He seems very busy and is not emotionally attached to you. Did you say you were living with him? We're living with other men? I was unsure.

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Originally Posted by bpforever1 He is working at home on the computer, and I realized he needs to focus on his work. He finally wrote me. Yes, I've been single for over 10 years now. I have lived without men in my life for the past three years. I am doing ok. I am getting many matches on Bumble, but they are mostly looking for hookups. So, I will stick with this man for awhile. I already have been with him and like him. He is ok. He is doing well despite his deafness. He seems ok. He is living in the expensive parts of the city so he must be doing well. I think for me since I took a chance with him, I will stay with him for awhile. Although he is immersed in his work, he does respond and acknowledge me so there is a possibility we can have some type of relationship. Although it may be more heavy on the physical side and light on the emotional side. He is kind of awkward in his social behavior but seems to be highly intelligent in many ways. I don't think he has a clue that I have a mental illness. There is no need to tell him if it is not an issue for now. So, overall, I have hope he will return to meet me again.

I found another man so it is ok. He is much nicer and is willing to go out for a drink. He is a nature photographer and is very sweet. I think it may work out. We shall see. I am not living with anybody. I am alone.

So, this nature photographer is really sweet! He chatted with me for about two hours. We will meet on Sunday night for a drink. He is more Americanized which I like. I don't think European men are very nice. The ones I met are too aggressive and impolite. I think Americanized men are nicer. So, I think I'll stick with something I am familiar with.

well, the nature photographer ghosted me tonight. I don't know if he is actually who he says he is. So, I will let him go.

I met another Japanese man who speaks English well. He wants to meet but at my apartment. hmm, I said yes for now. But I wonder. He wants to stay and listen to me teach too! Weird as heck! So, I'm not having any luck for now. I wonder if I should back out? He says he wants a girlfriend too but meeting at my apartment then going out for drinks later is a little weird. He seems ok and really nice but wonder why he wants to just come to my place and crash for awhile? I don't know for sure. He does not give me bad vibes or anything. So, may be go with the flow?

I will take it easy and think about other things for awhile.

WHY on earth would you meet a perfect stranger at your apartment????? This is your FIRST meeting?? NOOO. I STRONGLY advise against this, and that is a HUGE RED FLAG. You don't know this person. He could be dangerous! You are inviting someone you do not know who could be a creep, a rapist, a murderer... you do not know!

You are playing with fire with all these men who turn out to be creeps and jerks. The Internet is full of them. Why not meet someone the old fashioned way? Through a friend, or an interest group, church, or somewhere far safer than the internet?

It’s ok to meet online but I’d talk to him on the phone first and then meet in a neutral territory in a public place.

There is no need to bring people to your place until you know them well and met them several times. I’ve met my husband on online dating site so I don’t see anything wrong with it, but we dated for close to three months before he even stepped inside my house. I can ensure you that men who insist on going to women’s houses first time they meet them do so in order to have sex, no other reasons.

Also in my experience well adjusted professional men looking for relationships use dating sites that cost money. They don’t use free ones. So it’s likely these men aren’t who they say they are or they are just looking for hookups (which is ok if mutually agreed upon but you still need to stay safe)

I agree that men wanting to come over to your place, or you to theirs, on a first date are only looking for sex. Its also dangerous. You don't know this person. He could have ill intent. You could wind up dead. Stranger danger.

I think your experience is an exception to the rule and is not all that common.

I've used paid online dating sites plenty of times in my life. More often than not, I found maladjusted men on these sites: cheaters, liars, men who who are still married yet looking, men who had restraining orders against them, and men who stated all sorts of wonderful things about themselves which turned out not to be true. I went on plenty of dates and met plenty of men through paid dating sites. While I think it's certainly possible to meet your match and your life partner online because it does happen, you also have to weed through a lot of frogs to get to the right one... that diamond in the rough.

So while you met your husband online, I think you were very lucky.

To me, it's far easier to meet someone in person and therefore, you can get a really good sense of the person right away. Or, if you meet naturally through an interest group, you can be friends first. Or, alternatively, you meet through mutual friends and they can give you a sense of the person.

Online dating is very tricky and involves a lot of risk.

I don’t think it’s black and white. I know a lot (truly a lot!!!) of people who meet online and are happily married or in healthy relationship. And I know a lot of people who are married or dating people they met irl and I’d not ever want to date anyone like their partners, let alone marry, they are a total mess and their relationship is not good. Or people might feel they known the person well because they met irl but then turns out they don’t really know them on a deep level.

I think risk meeting online is about the same as meeting in person. You can do background check and you can set up your standards and expectations high and move very slow regardless where you meet.

Regardless where you meet you need to get to know the person well first and not jump into things. In a long run it doesn’t matter where you met. What matters is how your relationship is working.

PS Yes it’s good to meet in person and of course I met people in person but no way no how I’d meet my husband in person, our paths would never cross irl.

Thank you all for your advice! I got rid of him and blocked him. He sounds like he drinks too much alcohol and is too aggressive also. I feel relieved because I was wondering what I should do. I also got rid of the supposed nature photographer because he sounded too good to be true. I think Bumble is a hookup site, not a dating app. I talked to about 10 men from there and they all wanted to meet right away then talked about my appearance only like piece of meat. I finally realized they are seeking an easy lay in the hay. So, I had enough of this! I really miss the married Muslim man who was nice to me online. He said he wanted to meet me but don't think he will given the current situation. I am ok nevertheless. I will think about something else. I am doing fine otherwise. Boy, I put myself in a dangerous situation and got assaulted almost by the deaf man, then almost got myself involved in a similar situation. Thank you all for your warnings!! I got hurt and hopefully learned my lesson not to invite strangers to my home. I was naive and stupid. I was hurting from the deaf man. He must be doing this to other women too. It is a scary thought that he is getting away with it but there are other dumb women like me out there so we have to be warned about not inviting such strangers to our place. I feel ok now. I was worried about the covid-19 virus but it seems so far that I feel ok health-wise. I also am going to steer away from Bumble for now. It was not a good experience. All of the men I talked with wanted sex up front. I am appalled. But, there must be women who are agreeing to such invitations. Well, I don't need to do this anymore. So, thank you all!!