Cyber Bullying

I don't really know where else to put this.

I've been through and continue to go through a lot of cyber bullying on a hobby website I belong to. It got so bad that I had a break down and left for a while. I've returned, but the bullies are still there and I'm still dealing with the effects of it. I don't want to leave again because I really love my real friends on there and the hobby, but I don't want to be chased away again. What happened really destroyed my mental health for a while.

I deleted a person that caused me a lot of anxiety by their hateful posts, who I was friends with. And they black listed me as a bully for deleting them and shared it around. Another person who disliked me, that I had a falling out with asked all my victims to come forward. I swear I've never abused or bullied anyone on this site. Ever. I lost a lot of friends.

There have been people I had a falling out with last year that still hold a grudge and have told people not to be my friend and talk to me. I get outcasted a lot. People I've never even spoken to won't have anything to do with me because they are their friends.

It's hard sometimes and I try not to feel discouraged. I'm wondering if anyone has advice on how to deal with this or how I can keep it from affecting my mental health again. I removed all the mutual friends from the recent bully who claimed I was a bully, because I found out from other friends they were trashing me behind the scenes but nice to my face. I feel safer on there but like I don't really belong and like an outcast.

Report them to a moderator? Or the site admin? Change your username and re-register?

If nothing changes, leave. Your mental health is more important than any website. You can still talk to the friends you made there outside that particular forum.

It's hard to report someone when they have you blocked, I can't get their member number. I've reported people to the admins and nothing ever happened about it. I actually remade my account, but people know it's me. I've reconnected to old friends which is cool but I don't have access to all of them outside of the website. So if I leave, I'll lose most of them. And besides I really enjoy the hobby.

It's like you can't even talk about cyber bullying. I made a post, even to just spread awareness about it, and people mostly ignore it. Like it's something not to be acknowledged though it happens to a lot of people.

Hi @hobbypoet If you had reported these people and nothing has been done that should show you what kind of a place that is. It is toxic and you should leave. Give your real friends for email address and chat with them online or email.

This hobby site sounds awful. I understand you have some true friends there, but I agree with Sarah on this. Delete your profile and email these friends instead. The site is most toxic. I wouldn't continue risking your mental health for the sake of being on a website full of strangers who bully you. Yuck. Who needs that.

I actually contacted the admins/support of the site and explained about the bullying. Their response was that they can't do anything about third party disputes and if I need to leave for my health then I should leave. After I paid $43 for my premium account.

Last night the bullying got bad again. I re-added someone I used to be a friend with and explained I hadn't deleted them. I left because of health, mental health and cyber bullying but never deleted her. And she came at me saying I should have reached out. And I only come to her when I want to cry and that makes her irrelevant and completely tore me apart. So I just said: This is toxic AF. Good bye. And deleted/blocked her. And it turned into a full on war on the site with people choosing sides, fighting and putting me on blast all because I deleted someone that was being toxic to me?

I can't even remember the last conversation I had with this person. It has been months. She never reached out to me. She saw the cyber bullying I went through and never even reached out to ask if I was okay during it. Wasn't there for me when I was going through my autoimmune disease. So I don't really get it. She got really manipulative. I'm not going to apologize for having standards or wanting healthy people in my life instead of people who don't even care about how I'm doing or what I've been through.

The whole site blew up just because I deleted/blocked a person....

Oh dear. I am so sorry this keeps happening to you on this one site.

You have to ask yourself the question: is it really worth all this pain and toxic drama to continue being on this website?

I know from experience that when you distance yourself from toxic people. and when you remove yourself entirely from toxic situations, your mental health, peace of mind and inner happiness improve immensely.

So is it worth it to you to continue running up against various toxic people that are bringing sheer poison and drama into your life, infecting your spirit and your soul?

I don't know. I have people begging me to stay. I really, really enjoy writing and doing the creative aspects of the site. And supporting other people.

I just don't know what to do anymore, so I'm telling people I'm stepping back and leaving for a while. I may or may not go back. I just feel like me and my reputation and everything I've done and built is completely ruined. I don't know whether to cry, sigh or just give up and move on. This used to be my happy place and home, and it's turned into a complete toxic nightmare.

Awwww, I feel for you.

So it's a real mix between positive and negative. That makes it harder to decide. Pulling back is a good idea. I would also weigh the negatives against the positives, like in a relationship. See if one outweighs the other. If they're equal, perhaps you just periodically take mental health breaks and step back for a good while to recollect yourself. I understand your dilemma.

Hugs to you.

Thank you. I'll definitely do that.

I also contacted the admins again letting them know the severity of cyber bullying and why it's a problem on their site, why blocking doesn't solve the problem and that they need to up the measures of DO something. Not just for myself, but for all the other people who have been victims or targets of cyber bullies. I'm half expected to get banned but I hope they realize how serious and detrimental cyber bullying is. And how a non-involvement on their part is not the right answer.

Good for you. Just be prepared for anything from them. A well run website as such is also well monitored. By saying you should leave, they're pretty much telling you that they will not do anything.

I can relate to your experience. I briefly engaged on another mental health website that I think was based in the UK. I was experiencing on and off abuse in my marriage at the time. I was looking for support on the site about the abuse. Well, the site owner herself came onto one of my threads, attacking and accusing ME of being controlling and mean within my marriage, when the opposite was the case and when I was dealing with that from my husband. When I confronted the issue with the owner privately, she accused ME of being the abuser in the relationship!!!!! I felt SO victimized by this site owner that my mental health deteriorated for DAYS. Then I went on another so-called support site, and received practically identical treatment. I was cyber bullied by several different people while simply trying to obtain support about my marriage, and I left feeling utterly destroyed. Not only was I being abused in my marriage, but then I was being abused online as well.

So be very careful.... watch out for your mental health foremost and be careful with whom you choose to associate and let into your life. Not everyone is your friend. And the internet seems to be rampant with toxic bullies.... that's the best advice I can give. Guard yourself and guard your mental health.

Hugs.

Quote:

Originally Posted by hobbypoet I actually contacted the admins/support of the site and explained about the bullying. Their response was that they can't do anything about third party disputes and if I need to leave for my health then I should leave. After I paid $43 for my premium account. Last night the bullying got bad again. I re-added someone I used to be a friend with and explained I hadn't deleted them. I left because of health, mental health and cyber bullying but never deleted her. And she came at me saying I should have reached out. And I only come to her when I want to cry and that makes her irrelevant and completely tore me apart. So I just said: This is toxic AF. Good bye. And deleted/blocked her. And it turned into a full on war on the site with people choosing sides, fighting and putting me on blast all because I deleted someone that was being toxic to me? I can't even remember the last conversation I had with this person. It has been months. She never reached out to me. She saw the cyber bullying I went through and never even reached out to ask if I was okay during it. Wasn't there for me when I was going through my autoimmune disease. So I don't really get it. She got really manipulative. I'm not going to apologize for having standards or wanting healthy people in my life instead of people who don't even care about how I'm doing or what I've been through. The whole site blew up just because I deleted/blocked a person....

Did you use a credit card to pay for your membership? If you did dispute the charges.

I did pay with a credit card and I very well might dispute the charges.

I'll be careful. I'm close to leaving anyway, so if they respond with something hateful or abusive, I'm going to screen shot a copy of it, and go to officials. I might make a whole anti-cyber bullying campaign out of this.

I'm sorry you went through such a horrible experience...especially when you were looking for help. That is so horrible. People online think they are invincible just because they are behind a screen. And that they can treat someone as less than human without facing consequences. I believe in karma, but, sometimes I just wish there was more justice in this world. I know life is unfair and unkind a lot of the time. I hope the situation with your marriage is resolved at this point and you are away from the abuse.

I understand how you feel -- it is enraging to be treated in such a cruel and twisted manner that is inhumane. I agree that many people hide behind their computers and think they can be this way with other humans -- it's astonishing really. I get really thrown by such behavior myself.

You can always post anonymous reviews of that site online. There are various sites to make your review publics to warn others. That's one avenue.

And thank you very much regarding my own experiences as well as my marriage. Things in my marriage have vastly improved. So that's a huge plus.

I believe in karma. I think and truly believe that what comes around goes around, like a boomerang, and that those people will get their due share and due justice in time. Trust the nature of the universe. It works in mysterious ways.

I'll try to trust....

Tonight, they made 3 account targeting me. Stealing my images, impersonating me, and writing hateful things about me in statuses. I know they're trying to make me leave again, but I'd hate to give into their pressure to ruin something I enjoy doing with friends. I've reported these accounts and contacted the admins again with url links to the accounts. I just haven't heard anything back and it's been hours, going on all night. I'm trying to stay strong.

...should I be concerned for my safety at this point?

I think you should call the police. Cyber bullying is a crime as far as I know.

The problem is, I know her first name and that she lives in California. But I don't know her last name, address, or any other information. I did tell her my birth name and the name I go by and shared a RL pic with her once. So she knows what I look like. Normally I can brush off most hate accounts and bullies, but this is very obsessive and makes me feel like she's a psychopath. And I'm genuinely nervous.

The police can either find out her ip address or get a warrant to find out who she is. Its harassment.

It can be hard when coming across a possessive type individual be it a support site or work or any group really. They tend to view things as "theirs", "their work, their club, their group, their hangout, even their friends or groupies etc.". They can be fragile to the point where if anything you do upsets them they can literally go on rage rants and bad mouth you to others hoping to reclaim whatever they feel they lost due to you. And, it's not always that others agree with them either, either they are not aware and are more focused on themselves, or they have some awareness and hang back not wanting to become a target themselves. Often there is an uptick in how this type of individual tries to take over too, filling the area or space with themselves. It's a form of claiming to win a space or some kind of ownership that you pose some kind of threat to.

People experience this behavior in real life so it's not surprising it exists online as well. And it's always been there too and quite honestly, it's part of human nature sadly. There are so many ways one can see it in human history. It's also not uncommon for a practice of shunning to take place. This is especially true when it comes to politics and religion. Yet it can exist in many places where a certain way is considered desirable and accepted and something new and different is considered a threat. Often there is a presence that has designs on ownership of somekind where they need to stand out the most in some way and anyone who threatens that is considered a bad person.