How can I stop being treated like a doormat?

Disney2019 · Aug 12, 2020 at 08:25 PM

I’m really just feeling awful...I thought about this situation that happened and I know a confident woman would have said bye bye...and that would be that...I know I allowed him to disrespect me. I need to rebuild my confidence and stop taking crap. First time, I can forgive but not 15 chances...then I’m just a damn pushover...so mad at myself for taking so much sh**! I have a lot going for me so I don’t understand what I was thinking with this loser

Bill3 · Aug 12, 2020 at 10:29 PM

What would you think of blocking him on all means of communication?

sarahsweets · Aug 13, 2020 at 03:59 AM

Are you comfortable sharing what you mean? Are we talking about physical or emotional abuse?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Disney2019

I’m really just feeling awful...I thought about this situation that happened and I know a confident woman would have said bye bye...and that would be that...I know I allowed him to disrespect me. I need to rebuild my confidence and stop taking crap. First time, I can forgive but not 15 chances...then I’m just a damn pushover...so mad at myself for taking so much sh**! I have a lot going for me so I don’t understand what I was thinking with this loser

divine1966 · Aug 13, 2020 at 05:21 AM

Don’t beat yourself up. I forgot if you are seeing a therapist, it might really help you to get to the bottom of it. Perhaps you pursuing unavailable men has something to do with your upbringing etc You want to break this cycle

I suggested to you before if you want to stop putting up with him, start with not going to his house. Then start expanding your circle of friends, get new hobbies or get a second job or start big projects. Be busy so you aren’t tempted to go see him.

Disney2019 · Aug 13, 2020 at 07:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

Don’t beat yourself up. I forgot if you are seeing a therapist, it might really help you to get to the bottom of it. Perhaps you pursuing unavailable men has something to do with your upbringing etc You want to break this cycle

I suggested to you before if you want to stop putting up with him, start with not going to his house. Then start expanding your circle of friends, get new hobbies or get a second job or start big projects. Be busy so you aren’t tempted to go see him.

yes I’m working on that. If I make plans with other people then I won’t have time for him and his nonsense. I can’t stand one sided anything..friendship or relationship. I always put more effort in relationships...not anymore. If you do that, then you will feel emotionally drained.

WovenGalaxy · Aug 13, 2020 at 08:20 AM

There's a book called The Nice Girl Syndrome by Beverly Engel. Its a good read, and I've found it helpful. You might too.

divine1966 · Aug 13, 2020 at 08:38 AM

“ Women who love too much” is a good book too.

Have Hope · Aug 13, 2020 at 10:34 AM

Any time you find yourself receiving less than what you truly want AND deserve, then reevaluate the situation. If it is a one-sided situation, then back out. That will never be fulfilling or fair to you.

TishaBuv · Aug 13, 2020 at 12:59 PM

A doormat is an expression that means you let people walk all over you. Just say no. Don’t let them. You have value and can enforce boundaries. If they get angry and leave you, then pick yourself up and move forward.

eskielover · Aug 13, 2020 at 02:33 PM

Until you totally get fed up with being treated that way & within yourself say "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH" with RESOLUTION, it will be difficult to change. It is really not just about distancing & not having time for them.....it is an INTERNAL decision within yourself to change how you relate to others & decide that saying NO isn't selfish like many women have been brainwashed to think. Yes, it is hard to take a firm stand on anything if we have never been shown by example but some of the best lessons in life are the ones we teach ourselves.....because those are the ones we REALLY learn.

LilyMop · Aug 13, 2020 at 04:06 PM

It sounds like you’ve taken a first step. You are aware of it and you are tired of it. Change is not an instant thing. It takes time to process the emotions and think about your behaviors. Then you can start taking the next steps. It’s ok if you’re not perfect, just keep making progress. You can keep working on it... one day at a time.

poshgirl · Aug 17, 2020 at 04:10 AM

Take your time in working out why you're treated this way and the path to take will become clearer.

My problem is family members seeing no wrong in treating me like a doormat or punch bag (metaphorically speaking). Have now reached that point where enough is enough. Fed up with being reminded of past comments and being told I'm always right.

Came to conclusion yesterday that some of them are not nice people and the only way to resolve this is to walk away. Sad but true.....

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How can I stop being treated like a doormat?

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Bill3 Legendary Member Since Mar 2009 Location: USA Posts: 10,924 15 24.1k hugs given	Aug 12, 2020 at 10:29 PM #2 What would you think of blocking him on all means of communication?
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WovenGalaxy Magnate Member Since Sep 2019 Location: Earth Posts: 2,854 4 4,842 hugs given	Aug 13, 2020 at 08:20 AM #6 There's a book called The Nice Girl Syndrome by Beverly Engel. Its a good read, and I've found it helpful. You might too.
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divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,369 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,277 hugs given	Aug 13, 2020 at 08:38 AM #7 “ Women who love too much” is a good book too.
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Have Hope Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2017 Location: Eastern, USA Posts: 9,088 (SuperPoster!) 6 3,626 hugs given	Aug 13, 2020 at 10:34 AM #8 Any time you find yourself receiving less than what you truly want AND deserve, then reevaluate the situation. If it is a one-sided situation, then back out. That will never be fulfilling or fair to you. __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes
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TishaBuv Legendary Member Since Dec 2014 Location: USA Posts: 10,182 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,869 hugs given	Aug 13, 2020 at 12:59 PM #9 A doormat is an expression that means you let people walk all over you. Just say no. Don’t let them. You have value and can enforce boundaries. If they get angry and leave you, then pick yourself up and move forward. __________________ "And don't say it hasn't been a little slice of heaven, 'cause it hasn't!" . About Me--T
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LilyMop Veteran Member Member Since Sep 2019 Location: U.S. Posts: 709 4 81 hugs given	Aug 13, 2020 at 04:06 PM #11 It sounds like you’ve taken a first step. You are aware of it and you are tired of it. Change is not an instant thing. It takes time to process the emotions and think about your behaviors. Then you can start taking the next steps. It’s ok if you’re not perfect, just keep making progress. You can keep working on it... one day at a time.
	Reply With Quote