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Littlepalm
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Question Aug 29, 2020 at 10:03 AM
  #1
Hi-

I am so hurt and feel very devalued. I was dating someone over 8 years. There are many facets to this story. He cheated on me last summer & I accidentally guessed at it..I was right, he was shocked I found out. I told him pick her or me, if it’s is me, our reconciliation required certain things-STD Tests, no contact with this woman, etc. At first he told me there was no sex, but admitted to it a month later.

We were trying to reconcile fall 2019-March 2020.. he stated he had zero contact with this woman. He was at my house for many weekends...they were tough, I was so hurt that he cheated and betrayed me.

Fast forward To July, I look on his Facebook profile and there is a pic of him & the woman he cheated on me with...no text, no phone call, no voicemail, nothing....We are in our 50s....

I do not understand why someone would behave this way.

Opinions please. Thanks

Last edited by Littlepalm; Aug 29, 2020 at 10:05 AM.. Reason: Spelling
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Default Aug 29, 2020 at 10:27 AM
  #2
Dear Littlepalm,

Oh, that is so heartbreaking! I wish I knew what to say to help ease the pain of that but my English is not very good. You deserve better.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen
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Default Aug 29, 2020 at 11:28 AM
  #3
Thank you Yao Wen,

It does break my heart... I find it very cruel. I could never do this, I have too much integrity.

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Default Aug 29, 2020 at 11:44 AM
  #4
Wow, lack of respect to say the least. I wonder if he even regrets what he did to you or he felt he got away with it. It seems he is not even trying to make it up to you.

I would kick him to the curb.
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Default Aug 29, 2020 at 12:14 PM
  #5
I know this probably won’t be much help, but the cheating wasn’t about you, though admittedly it’s so hard to not take it personally. I’m sorry, anyway, it really stings.
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Default Aug 29, 2020 at 01:56 PM
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Originally Posted by Rive. View Post
Wow, lack of respect to say the least. I wonder if he even regrets what he did to you or he felt he got away with it. It seems he is not even trying to make it up to you.

I would kick him to the curb.
Thanks....I think it is atrocious behavior for a 57 year old professional man! We had problems during those 8 years....with 95%being due to his behavior. After the cheating, not just a one night stand, he pretended to be depressed...it makes me sick...and he appears “in love” with his new gf..

Regrets...no...he has blocked me from everything...I helped him raise his son..and we had a commitment...I am so sad..

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Default Aug 29, 2020 at 02:00 PM
  #7
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Originally Posted by RoxanneToto View Post
I know this probably won’t be much help, but the cheating wasn’t about you, though admittedly it’s so hard to not take it personally. I’m sorry, anyway, it really stings.
Hugs RoxanneToto,

Thank you for replying. I know the cheating was not about me...he was probably thrilled a female found him attractive. It does sting. Why not be a decent human being and call me, text, communicate some way. I wonder if new gf knows what he did.

Oh, and she is not younger nor thinner, nor prettier than me.

Thank you.
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Default Aug 29, 2020 at 02:29 PM
  #8
You feel devalued because he didn’t value you. You say you had problems due to his behavior throughout the relationship. It’s his bad character to hurt you by ending it this way. He has issues and is a self centered and immature man.

I hope you will be happier moving forward without him.

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Default Aug 29, 2020 at 02:36 PM
  #9
Thanks TishaBuv,

I know it shows very poor character to do what he did.....He has zero empathy, and I doubt if will show up now. He is faking it with the new gf as she is giving him a lot of sex, and wearing the clothing he likes in public...maybe he feels sexier?

I am 5’, 95 lbs....he was 5’11”, 220-240..& he had male breasts....I am just being honest. His hair is now white...he thinks he is Charlie Sheen from “2 1/2 Men”.

I can never speak with him again.
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Default Aug 29, 2020 at 04:44 PM
  #10
Well it’s clear he only cares about himself. He will be this way with whomever he hooks up with. You are better off without this sleeezebag. There are guys out there capable of respecting and appreciating you. Now that you are free of this jerk you can look for a better partner.
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Default Aug 29, 2020 at 06:04 PM
  #11
*****trigger warning ****

Do you really think he will be this way, eventually with other people? I know he treated his wife terrible...
In fact he did not try to stop her from suiciding. Which I find horrific.
This is how he thinks of women, as I saw a message to a friend “those bi+($ need to get laid, that will fix them”. He has empathy for no one.

I cannot believe I wasted all of that time.
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Default Aug 29, 2020 at 08:01 PM
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My opinion is that he's a coward.
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Default Aug 29, 2020 at 08:56 PM
  #13
People usually repeat patterns of behaviour. What is it they say... if you want to look at future behaviour, look at past behaviour as that tends to be a predictor of future behaviour.

I don't think he will change. He's getting his own way, so there is no incentive for him to change.

His needs and pleasure take priority and women merely seem to be objects to be used.
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Default Aug 30, 2020 at 06:53 AM
  #14
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My opinion is that he's a coward.
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I agree, he is a coward. If he told me, what was I going to do? Probably state some nasty truths or ask him some difficult questions, but in the end....he still was going to be with her, or was already with her. Maybe he cannot face his true self.

Last year when I learned of the cheating I said to him, “ I never thought you would cheat...your father cheated on your mother, and you saw how much it hurt her. (His mother was a very nice woman & treated him well). You are no better than your backstabbing father, whom you cannot stand...so take a look in the mirror and tell me what you see”.

I have no trouble looking myself in the mirror...I have a few mental problems-depression, anxiety, and CPTSD- and I am a good person with a great heart...

I am crying now because the kind people whom have answered this post, have treated me with more kindness and respect than he did...and I am a stranger to you all..

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Default Sep 01, 2020 at 02:35 AM
  #15
Has he said he is sorry? I dont think you should stay with him either way but I am curious if he made excuses to you?

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Default Sep 01, 2020 at 02:50 PM
  #16
No. Not a word except a text stating I had 10 days to get my own cellphone plane & he was sending me my belongings. Four giant boxes arrived. All of my clothing smelled musty, so the had to be in his basement for months.
Odd, he did not send me items he gave me..like a pink SONICARE toothbrush...but he did send me every single pair of under, including two which were not mine.

He is happy with his “new woman”. He should have spoken to me. I am so hurt.
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Default Sep 01, 2020 at 05:12 PM
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My guess is he will probably hurt this other woman too. This type tends to have a pattern. He is a user and just moves on to someone else once he gets bored.

I know it hurts to experience this kind of person. It’s not you either it’s his problem and just learn from this. There were red flags you missed.
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Default Sep 16, 2020 at 07:36 AM
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Default Sep 16, 2020 at 01:38 PM
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My guess is he will probably hurt this other woman too. This type tends to have a pattern. He is a user and just moves on to someone else once he gets bored.

I know it hurts to experience this kind of person. It’s not you either it’s his problem and just learn from this. There were red flags you missed.
Yes. There were giant red flags I missed, or ignored. I just cannot imagine treating someone so disrespectful. M hart is giant, and I always had his back...he does not have that any longer
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Default Sep 18, 2020 at 12:20 PM
  #20
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Thanks TishaBuv,

I know it shows very poor character to do what he did.....He has zero empathy, and I doubt if will show up now. He is faking it with the new gf as she is giving him a lot of sex, and wearing the clothing he likes in public...maybe he feels sexier?

I am 5’, 95 lbs....he was 5’11”, 220-240..& he had male breasts....I am just being honest. His hair is now white...he thinks he is Charlie Sheen from “2 1/2 Men”.

I can never speak with him again.

This part puzzled me... How do you know that this new GF of his is giving him lots of sex? Is he telling you this or do you talk with the new GF? Where did you get this information from? It could very well be false, and not true. A tool to use to hurt you even more.

Either way.... This man seems troubled. He doesn't know how to act like himself... instead has to portray a fictional character on a TV show. He has no intentions of ever staying faithful.

His lost and your gain. You were generous enough to accept this man for who he is... what he looks like.. and even go as far as to accept that he has a weight issue... yet he goes around and does this to you.


Stay strong
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