I don't know how I feel about my marriage right now

I am sorry. It’s just all too much in addition to covid. Do something good for yourself please

It really is just all too much to bare right now.

And thank you. I am listening to my favorite tunes to lift my spirits and shopped at the local thrift store for a couple items -- only $16 I spent!

I think Thursday I will drive to the beach to go roller blading, like I used to do years and years ago. I need it..... I need my spirits back.

This morning I realized how up and down I am emotionally these days. It's COVID, on top of being unemployed and dealing with the unsettling feelings of it all, the anxiety and uncertainty, not to mention the upcoming US election. I also don't know what's going to happen with my marriage.

Yesterday major depression hit me HARD. It was debilitating.

This morning I am determined to feel better and to have a better day. I have therapy today and will talk to him about my marital concerns again. I am also speaking with my doctor, who prescribed a stronger dosage of one of my meds, which helps with depression.

I have to get motivated but it's hard when facing depression.

And my husband? Last night he was as wonderful as can be and cleaned my car for me. I know I have to find us a couples therapist and soon.... I am just not motivated yet. I prefer to find one because I want to decide who is best, not him. He won't know, but I do given my experience with therapists. And I want one who has dealt with abusive relationships specifically.

Hey, at least I've built my savings back up.... there's that. Though I may need to use it during my unemployment. Grrrrr.

I guess right now I just don't know which way this will go. Up and forward, or down and severed.

I think I need to disappear again for a while from PC. I need to figure out a way to help myself.