Girlfriend and I broke up

First girlfriend I dated with ASD. She was beautiful on the inside and out.....she was caring and kind....but she had significant anger and communication problems. I love her dearly, but I knew it wasn’t meant to be. It was a messy breakup where she said a lot of mean and hurtful things over the phone. This was yesterday.

I miss her so much but she is unable to emotionally fix problems that came up. I always had to do the heavy lifting, get both sides’ thoughts, make sure that we could move past a situation, and stay positive about it. She did not have the capacity or understanding to do it. She would withdraw, cry, pass the blame on me, or not talk about it. Occasionally she would make an inappropriate or mean remark.

I talked to her about it a lot but then she started saying that she didn’t want to be the monster in the relationship. She didn’t want to be the villain....etc...instead of addressing the issues at hand.

There are a lot of moments that she treated me very well and she really loved me....it was a slight imbalance...she had stronger feelings for me. I had lesser because I was the brunt of her emotional frustration. I kept trying to see if things would get better....they kind of did....then they hit rock bottom....we’re dealing with really bad forest fires, the pandemic, and horrible heat. She started to take tough classes and then it all went to heck...She started snapping at me....and chipping away at me again.....

I had it....and now it’s done. I called her and her emotions were first stone cold, then she went to blaming and trying to make me feel guilty about things that were not true....then she started crying.....and that was it...

I was going into the call leaning towards breaking up.....but I still was hoping we could recover and talk it through.....that she could apologize without blaming me.....

I miss her so much....I don’t want to walk away from her....but it’s probably better for the both of us to part.....I wish I could be with her without anger issues....

I need help and support....I’m in tears....

Hi Sky457

I'm proud of you for taking this gigantic step into the right direction for you both, it's not easy to do. Heartbreak is so painful and I can imagine how much you're hurting. I wish there was something I could do to take away your pain. It's OK to grieve, take as much time as you want, there's no rush! Let the tears flow.. This is a natural process and reflects your big heart. that is something beautiful to love about yourself

Any time you feel an urge to contact this person, resist and message a close friend instead. No contact will help you in the long term. What has helped some people is writing unsent letters - Alanis Morrisette wrote a great song about this called Unsent - but remember every break up is unique and complex and what helps others may not help you and that's alright this is about you and your healing.

You are not alone, we are here for you, anytime you will survive!!

I’m really sorry this happened, I think if she wasn’t willing or able to deal with her anger issues that side of her was never going to get better, could even have got worse over time. It is often really hard to break off relationships, even when we know they’re not good for us, so well done for being brave enough to do it.
It’s ok to be upset for a while, it shows you care, even if it understandably hurts right now and doesn’t feel like it will ever get better. You’ve had so much to deal with lately. I hope you’re able to keep safe, those forest fires look really scary.

Thank you both for your support.....it means a lot

I'm sorry about your breakup. Breakup are always hard. You did the right thing by breaking up. This is emotional abuse. I lost a coworker to domestic violence. It start with emotional abuse it could have turn into physical abuse. Sometimes walking away and ending things is the hardest to do. Take time off for yourself. Get into therapist. Recite positive quotes. Lisa A Romano and family tree counseling has great YouTube video.

Thank you for your support and insight...its very appreciated

Yes, as hard as it is, that was probably the best decision.

One person cannot carry the relationship for two people. If she won't be as involved as you are, it won't work out.

How are you doing now, sky457?

Thanks for asking, I'm hanging in there. I miss her quite a bit....it's tough to process. There are a lot of different thoughts and emotions going through....I'm trying to make sense of what the best is for me.

If helps to post on this site, we are here.

Thank you...

Be strong my friend. I send helpful positive messages to people sometimes and they swear at me. There are weird people in this world that only care about themselves, or are so full of negativity that that is all they know. You may need to press onto the next girl, because rightfully its good you two broke up, if you were married and/or had children things would be a lot more messier. I wish you all the best.

Thank you, she shows up every week where I skate for the past month. It's hard to deal with. I introduced her to the area and she never came before me.

I hope you do well and all the best with your recovery.