Why would a former male friend treat me this way?

I think that maybe he had a hidden agenda when he invited me to go out drinking with him and his g.f after his dad died. He was house bound for along time usually when his dad was alive. He had dementia. He said that he didn't have the heart to put him in a nursing home even though his dad and him didn't get along with each other.

Anyways, things were fine at first. I went out with him a few times briefly to go out to eat and drink near his place for 3 years. I met him on a social media site. He seemed like a genuinely good guy at first. We liked a lot of the same stuff and he didn't seem like he was attracted to me at all.

The funny thing is that one night he told me that he wished that he was single as he missed having sex with lots of women and that he used to be a male slut. He said that he couldn't cheat on his g.f though.

The night we went out bar hopping, he was in a good mood. He even bought me drinks a few times even though he was struggling financially. I should've declined his offer. Anyways, he mentioned wanting to get a hotel once I was there and that I could share a room with him and his .g.f.

I didn't have enough money to get my own room or enough credit to get one. I trusted him, so I agreed to that so we could stay out and have fun. He got really upset when he saw his former business partner outside. He then got pissed at me when this drunk woman at this seedy bar rubbed her boobs on my back. I was to shocked to say anything at first.

They both claimed they didn't see what happened, but my friend told me to take it as a compliment. I wanted to leave then. I should've had the manager kick out that weird woman instead. He got mad at me for interrupting his pool game and he yelled at me. He was really pissed and accused me of ruining his good time over something "silly'.

I got upset at him, but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt as he was under a lot of stress. That was a mistake. He kept on trying to get me to reveal a secret that I told him to his g.f. She showed no interest in what it was. She was quiet most of the time. The weird thing is that she kept watching me at this one bar from afar when I was talking to him. I never met her in person before that night. We just knew each other on FB back then.

He confirmed later in an email that she was watching me as she didn't like the way that I was talking to him. I wasn't rude to him at all. Weird! So he kept on bugging me to death to tell her my secret and said that she's cool and it's OK to tell her. I kept on saying no, I said no, please stop asking me to do that.

So later on that night we both snapped, He told me that if I was a man that he'd punch me in the face! He was being weird and telling us how other women were checking him out. His g.f said nothing about that. They left me at the last bar when I went to the bathroom. I didn't know the area or anyone there and I drank to much to drive home. There was no way I wanted to tell my husband what happened as he'd blame me for everything and I shouldn't have agreed to even share a room with them.

So I had no choice but to sleep in my car in an empty parking lot. At one point a guy approached me car and knocked on my window. He was holding a gas container. I screamed and honked my horn and he went away.

My friend didn't bother calling me, texting me, or emailing me to see if I got home OK or not. He never apologized for a thing. I told him about that weird guy and he told me it's a safe area and he didn't even mention a thing about that guy or that woman in the bar.

He told me that I ruined a fun night and pissed him and his g.f off and that he said he noticed that I got the most expensive drink on the menu at one point, and to make things worse, I didn't want the bartender to put basil in my drink as it was a sweet drink.

He made a big deal of my preferences and made it seem like I was choosing to exploit his generosity which is ridiculous since I did pay for their dinner and most of my own drinks that night.

He then used some of my personal information against me. I take medication for depression and anxiety. I also took some digestion pills at dinner. He then accused me of popping pills and doing drugs at the table! WTH? It was clear that the contents of the bottle weren't drugs!

He used to have two abusive ex g.f's who abused a lot of pills, so I think that he has a real ibas against pills no matter what they're for. I was really hurt and angry that he'd treat me that way! He told me many times in the past that he's not a sleazebag, but I no longer believe that.

Looking back, maybe he was hoping I'd agree to a threesome with him and his g.f, idk for sure about that. He didn't respect my boundaries at all. Maybe he would've tried to take advantage on me if I did go back to the hotel with them.

His g.f seemed insecure and she'd do a lot to please him. She told me at the restaurant that he used to date beautiful women and that his friends thought that he could do better than her, especially since she's old and she was overweight in the past.

I was so upset at having my boundaries violated and at the fact that my personal safety was of no concern to him, that I ended our friendship. I mostly knew him through emails over the years. I also think he was jealous of me since he kept on telling me how lucky I am to have a husband who takes care of me and how he's always broke.

He had to sell his car to pay for his dads funeral. He had more than one car though. He also told me to just go out and have sex as it's just sex when I told him about some issues between my husband and I. which is odd.

Did it sound like he never thought of me as a real friend and that he was just biding his time like some guys do? He told me that being friends with me was like being in a relationship without the benefits.

I've never been good at reading most people, especially guys, so I'd appreciate and insight into why he acted the way that he did towards me. Maybe he got mad since things didn't happen the way he hoped it would?

You said former as in used to be. He you want him in your life okay, but if you do not you may have to learn from the mistake of having that friend in your life, and keep jogging on. People tend to take advantage of people that seem desperate for them.
The best thing to do is love yourself and work on your life and making it better. There is always room for progression in this life, that goes for us and our day to day lives. I do the same.

You said you weren’t good at reading people, which I can understand as there’s been plenty I’ve missed as well. Maybe because of that you thought he was a friend but in reality he was really just trying to get something from you? His “relationship without benefits”/stuff about husband and his own envy/jealousy comments stand out to me - seems he did want to have sex with you and might have been trying to guilt you into it.

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Yes, he was a former friend. I was smart enough to sever all ties with him after what he did to me. I'm not that stupid!

You're right about what you said. Maybe I did appear to eager for friends in the past. I tolerated stuff that other people might not have. He told me that I was to "high maintenance' and 'needy.

You're right about your last statement as well

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Sorry to hear that. I need to be a lot more careful from now on. I did see him as a good friend. He never once made any comments on my appearance. He only said wow once when he saw a pic of me when I was younger and thinner.

I didn't think that I'm his type, and I'm married too. He loves his g.f. Anyways, his comments did seem like a huge red flag, even to me!

The fact that he told me he was a male slut who still missed dating should've been a huge red flag to me. That and the fact he told me that I should just go out and have sex as it's just sex,, ugh!

Sometimes people are hiding a lot of things about themselves, and things that they don't always like about themselves. It sounds like he has relationship issues, and maybe addiction issues himself, as sex without emotional intimacy can be an addiction. If he was getting involved with women who were addicts, it was maybe that he was addicted to the physical intimacy in the relationship. He maybe doesn't want to be a "slut".
I wouldn't personally be that open to share a hotel room with someone I had spent time getting to know in public. It could be dangerous.
People are often different when they get drink in them too. If they have relationship/boundary issues, and if he was grieving too.
I did some things after I lost my dad that I was ashamed about. I also pushed boundaries with an old friend, and I'm glad he took it for what it was, and it didn't go further than it should have.
It sounds like a horrible, traumatic night. Sounds like a good thing to have cut ties. I wouldn't want anything to do with someone that wanted to punch me in the face. What a nasty thing to say

Thanks for your response and your insight. I feel so stupid for not having seen all those red flags sooner! He was so nice to me and we liked a lot of the same things, felt the same way about things at times, had similar friend experiences, etc...

I barely know much about men, or that much about addictions, so maybe he was an addict. Maybe he didn't even realize he might be an addict. It was a bad idea to even think about sharing a room. I thought it was risky, but with his g.f there, I thought I was safe, but like I said, she was weird and I think that she does whatever it takes to please him as she's always doing stuff for him. All he has to do is say he has a craving for Pringles and she'll go out and get them for him, etc....

Never again! It's a good thing that I didn't share a room with them as he might've tried to take advantage of me or even rape me. He was very angry with me after the insicdent at that bar with that woman. I should've left then. I cut him to much slack since his dad just died.

People are different when they drink usually. I'm sorry to hear about your dad. I'm glad to hear that your friend was able to forgive you for whatever happened. Yes, it was a traumatic night. I'm so glad that weird guy with the gas can walked away. I couldn't sleep after that. Any caring person would express shock and concern over that, but no, my so called friend said nothing which really hurt and upset me. It was all about him and how I 'ruined' his big night out, ugh!

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It's nice having things in common with someone. Can take a lot of time to get to know people well though. I've been through a lot of conflict with my oldest friends, but we work things out. You can learn a lot from your conflicts, even though it's not nice.
It's hard to stay with someone and really get to know them, and keep pushing through conflicts. Some people use hostility as an emotional defence too, especially if they feel out of control. Your friend might have not meant any of the things he said, but just not been able to cope with being vulnerable and out of control. You can't often help people like that except to give them lots of time and space. I wouldn't forgive any of those things he said, definitely not in a short time.
It sounds like his girlfriend is going to have a sad time with him. Sounds like a rubbish relationship.
Don't take it personally, though. I'm sure he has his own reasons for acting out!

Thanks ev.eryone. I’m back. I’m so sorry that I forgot to respond to posts on here. My depression got worse after my 16 year old cat died. It was months ago. I’m sensitive, so it takes forever for me to get back to ‘normal’ for lack of a better word.

So sorry about your cat! Always sad and difficult.

Good riddance to this so called friend after how he treated you. He’s no friend. There’s no doubt he wanted a threesome and that’s why you were invited to the hotel room. He’s a sleaze bag. Be careful about drinking with male friends. Typically they always want more.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Definitely! He is a sleazebag despite having said that he’s not one numerous times, lol! I was so stupid to have trusted him! I’m glad that we had that fight.

He probably would’ve tried to hurt me or take advantage of me in my sleep if I agreed to share a room with them! His g.f would’ve went along with whatever he had in mind. Having his g.f there was a cover, ugh!

She was definitely a weirdo! There is no way in hell that I could ever be that drunk, lol! Never again! I’ll never trust another guy again! All they want is sex, sex, sex, ugh!

About my cat, thanks.

Well, a lot of men you meet online just want sex, but not every man. You did meet online, right? I would just be careful about the types of people you let into your life and about where you meet them. You've learned something valuable from this bad experience.

So sorry about your loss. It must have been a very tough time. (((((HUGS!!!!)))))

@jesyka:

“She was definitely a weirdo! There is no way in hell that I could ever be that drunk, lol! Never again! I’ll never trust another guy again! All they want is sex, sex, sex, ugh!”

No, no. I disagree. This is an overgeneralisation.
Men are not like that. The vast majority respect their partners, friends and people in general.
And the more you get to know yourself and appreciate yourself no matter which issues or faults you may have, you will be more able to see these red flags.

I’m alike you. I have troubles to read people and always think the best of them. This is because of lack of experiences and also because we make projections. We consider others kind of an extension of ourselves. This is because we don’t dare to show up as we are, no matter what, since we have a poor self-esteem. The more you get stronger in that aspect (sane your self-esteem) the more you are gonna be open to see where people are coming from ( call it red flags or listen to your guts). Since you are gonna put yourself at the top of your priorities ( in a healthy way, talking, of course).

Not sure about his gf but she may have voids to fill as she’s taking in all this guy wants or maybe she’s at the same flow he is. They both wants and look for the same. Only they know.

I met him online but then in person. We hing out a few times & he never showed any interesr in me. I knew him for 3 years. He did tell me to go out & just have sex as it’s just sex a few times when I tild him about my marriage problems. Never again. I will never trust another man again!

Thanks for your insight. I don’t have the best self esteem. I’m trying to get better though. I do lack experience. I’m not the best at reading people. I’ll be more cateful to not be so open & trusting with people right away from now on.