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Default Aug 23, 2020 at 05:42 PM
  #1
Its been a while since i’ve been here but i need help. Im suffering as the guy i’ve been with for a year has been awful to me. Im embarrassed and ashamed. He is a functioning narcissistic alcoholic who refuses to acknowledge it. He says he drinks to relax. Well large bottles of straight liquor a day to me is not relaxing as one glass of wine is. He”s an angry drunk too. He refuses to spend time with me now, has poor hygiene won’t tend to his foot odor, won’t brush his teeth, spends only about 2 minutes in shower so he never really smells good, has verbally abused me, taken food out of my hand and thrown it to the floor and expected me to eat it he felt it was ok to eat it since it was still in a box. Im always to blame for everything. He said I was breaking him financially when he has never paid a bill of mine or bought me anything and we don’t Go anywhere so how is it me!?!? He said I was weak and fake when he’s the alcoholic (weak) and lied about how he wanted to do this and do that for me in the beginning only to never do anything but degrade me. He criticizes my food and praises the food of other mens wives. And honestly some of there food was bland. The gifts ive gotten him for birthday and Xmas were not worn because he said he already had clothes or he would question the item and say what made you buy that. So he was ungrateful as well. He got mad once because i never took him to meet any family other than my parents yet he’s always too drunk or smelly or working so how could i!??! I think he’s even gone to work after drinking because now he can’t operate the company machines anymore because they’ve been getting damaged. He got defensive with his boss about that and i think he’s guilty of damaging the machines. Typing this i see I have endured a lot and now its like i have to beg him for time when I really should be glad he doesn’t wanna be around but im at battle with myself and ashamed for allowing this and just wish he would see the person i am and have been to him. I want to block him without saying why i just want to be done without the feelings and tears. Who i met last year is noT who he is today so i feel like he was the fake one.
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Default Aug 23, 2020 at 06:52 PM
  #2


What is stopping you from blocking him and moving on?
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Default Aug 23, 2020 at 07:23 PM
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What is stopping you from blocking him and moving on?
Fear mostly of being alone and like i’ve failed some how. But in reality i’m already alone
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Default Aug 23, 2020 at 07:38 PM
  #4
What would it be like to be alone?

In what way do you think that you might possibly have failed?
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Default Aug 23, 2020 at 07:54 PM
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What would it be like to be alone?

In what way do you think that you might possibly have failed?
Lonely. I don’t have much family no kids no pets so very lonely.

i feel like i failed myself enduring his crap. He made me think i was unworthy and even told me i needed to make myself worthy of him. Yet nothing i did was enough.
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Default Aug 23, 2020 at 09:37 PM
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It will never get better and will only be detrimental to your mental health. You are dealing with an abusive mean drunk. Get this toxic person out of your life. You deserve better.
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Default Aug 23, 2020 at 10:59 PM
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Suppose you treat yourself better by blocking him and getting him out of your life.

What then might you do to address the loneliness?
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Default Aug 24, 2020 at 07:15 AM
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It will never get better and will only be detrimental to your mental health. You are dealing with an abusive mean drunk. Get this toxic person out of your life. You deserve better.

You are so right. It already is affecting me mentally. Anxiety feelings and worthless feelings. Since they think they do no wrong it makes me feel as if i must be terrible when I’m not the one abusing alcohol.
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Default Aug 24, 2020 at 09:08 AM
  #9
It's not that this kind of person thinks, the alcohol is changing their brain chemistry, often they don't think or care. That's why a person drinks in the first place, they don't want to think or care.

You don't deserve to experience this individual's drunkin craziness. Some individuals get real mean when they consume alcohol and they even physically abuse their wife and even their children.

There is NOTHING positive or healthy about this relationship for you, just miseray and agreeing to be a victim.
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Default Aug 29, 2020 at 08:37 PM
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It's not that this kind of person thinks, the alcohol is changing their brain chemistry, often they don't think or care. That's why a person drinks in the first place, they don't want to think or care.

You don't deserve to experience this individual's drunkin craziness. Some individuals get real mean when they consume alcohol and they even physically abuse their wife and even their children.

There is NOTHING positive or healthy about this relationship for you, just miseray and agreeing to be a victim.
I have taken a big step and blocked him. He has disappeared on me the past 3 weekends and i have no clue where he goes so I can’t take anymore. I am extremely upset and tearful but i know he won’t change and certainly does not love me. I didn’t want to experience the break up feelings again but i had no choice. He has no respect for women maybe because of his mom placing him in foster care who knows but i know I respected him no matter how nasty he was to me. I hope i heal from this.
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Default Aug 29, 2020 at 09:16 PM
  #11
This pain is temporary in comparison to staying with him. Well done for making such a positive but difficult decision for yourself.
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Default Aug 29, 2020 at 11:08 PM
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This pain is temporary in comparison to staying with him. Well done for making such a positive but difficult decision for yourself.
Thanks it really hurts knowing someone doesn’t care. And his selfishness is something i’ve never seen in anyone. The gifts he gave me were never things i liked they were things he liked. He never really took interest in me to know and learn things about me.
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Default Aug 30, 2020 at 12:29 AM
  #13
I'm sorry you suffered through this. That sounds awful! Yes, I also suggest you get out now because alcoholism only gets WAY worse. Trust me. You might also want to try "al-anon". It is a great program for people who gravitate towards alcoholics, addicts, and co-dependant people.

You sound like a lovely person who knows their feelings and interests and are full of life. Take care!
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Default Sep 01, 2020 at 02:42 AM
  #14
I just wanted to say that I am sorry you are going through this. People often use the term "functional alcoholic" but what does that mean exactly? To me there is nothing functional about an alcoholic. I am an alcoholic and have been sober for years and even on my "good days" in the past, in hindsight I would never say I was actually functional.This man is dangerous. Do you have any children together? Does he have kids? It is only a matter of time that he will go from smacking food out of your hand to smacking you.

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Default Sep 03, 2020 at 12:44 AM
  #15
[QUOTE=sarahsweets;6924153]I just wanted to say that I am sorry you are going through this. People often use the term "functional alcoholic" but what does that mean exactly? To me there is nothing functional about an alcoholic. I am an alcoholic and have been sober for years and even on my "good days" in the past, in hindsight I would never say I was actually functional.This man is dangerous. Do you have any children together? Does he have kids? It is only a matter of time that he will go from smacking food out of your hand to smacking you.[/

Thanks for your response and congrats on your sobriety. Functional is a tricky term. He works a full time job so maybe thats the “functional” part for him BUT there are problems at work. He has damaged machines. Gotten in trouble for being on his phone etc. and did not take responsibility for any of this he blamed everything he’s been talked to by management on someone else . He gets mad very quickly as well so in essence i guess this really isn’t functional.I truly believe alcohol isn’t enough for him at times and that he has been abusing drugs as well. He won’t admit to it though and gets defensive if questioned about it. As if alcohol isn’t shameful but drugs are. We don’t have kids together but he has 2 kids that he never spends time with all he does is send them money. Dangerous is right. My biggest fear is he will drive drunk and kill someone. He has no problem getting behind the wheel and driving recklessly drunk. He always thinks he’s ok to drive and will. There were times i’ve had to drive back from somewhere with him passed out in the passenger seat because he’s too messed up to drive.
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Default Sep 03, 2020 at 09:43 AM
  #16
Someone should call and report him anonymously about his driving while intoxicated. Innocent people do get killed by people like this. If it's his choice to destroy his life so be it, but it's not fair that his self destructive behavior put others at risk. And if he gets caught driving under the influence he will then be under surveillance and when he gets caught again he will lose his license. His life has to suffer the consequence of his drinking enough that he finally hits bottom and admits he is powerless over the alcoholism. Until that happens you and everyone else will be suffering and like I mentioned it could cost someone that doesn't deserve it their life.

Last edited by Open Eyes; Sep 03, 2020 at 10:16 AM..
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Default Sep 06, 2020 at 11:02 AM
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Someone should call and report him anonymously about his driving while intoxicated. Innocent people do get killed by people like this. If it's his choice to destroy his life so be it, but it's not fair that his self destructive behavior put others at risk. And if he gets caught driving under the influence he will then be under surveillance and when he gets caught again he will lose his license. His life has to suffer the consequence of his drinking enough that he finally hits bottom and admits he is powerless over the alcoholism. Until that happens you and everyone else will be suffering and like I mentioned it could cost someone that doesn't deserve it their life.

He always seems to escape consequences of anything because in most situations he can and will blame someone else. I never saw him take responsibility for anything. But driving under the influence can’t be blamed on anyone but him and I can’t believe he hasn’t gotten caught or at least pulled over for a sobriety test. It seems he gets away with everything. Maybe its a matter of time, especially since I'm not there to take his keys anymore. I was in the car with him once about a year ago and I couldn’t bare to keep my eyes open as he drove. If any car that was in front of him slammed on brakes for any reason he would have hit them. The next day he didn’t even remember driving. I never got in the passenger seat again. He doesn’t believe in wearing a seatbelt either for fear of getting trapped.
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Default Sep 09, 2020 at 06:26 AM
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Thanks for your response and congrats on your sobriety. Functional is a tricky term. He works a full time job so maybe thats the “functional” part for him BUT there are problems at work. He has damaged machines. Gotten in trouble for being on his phone etc. and did not take responsibility for any of this he blamed everything he’s been talked to by management on someone else . He gets mad very quickly as well so in essence i guess this really isn’t functional.I truly believe alcohol isn’t enough for him at times and that he has been abusing drugs as well. He won’t admit to it though and gets defensive if questioned about it. As if alcohol isn’t shameful but drugs are. We don’t have kids together but he has 2 kids that he never spends time with all he does is send them money. Dangerous is right. My biggest fear is he will drive drunk and kill someone. He has no problem getting behind the wheel and driving recklessly drunk. He always thinks he’s ok to drive and will. There were times i’ve had to drive back from somewhere with him passed out in the passenger seat because he’s too messed up to drive.
I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable or hammer you over things that are beyond your control but it really is up to you to call the police and report him for driving drunk every single time you see him leave the house with keys in his hands after you know he's been drinking. It'll be horrible if He hurt or killed somebody driving drunk. I know you are not his keeper but if you know he's been drinking and isn't fit to drive you have to call every time. It doesn't matter if he gets arrested 1,000,000 times eventually he will get caught but you need to help that happen. In some states bars that continue to serve alcohol to a drunk person or let them leave the premises knowing they will drive are responsible for any accidents they make cause. I know that's not the case with you it's certainly isn't your problem but think about how somebody might feel if he hurt them and somebody could have stopped him by calling the police. You may feel guilty about it and Hi my beg you to not call the police or leave in a huff and then get mad when you do. He is breaking a law he is a danger on the road way and there's nothing more to be said about it.

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Default Sep 12, 2020 at 11:35 AM
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I'm not trying to make you uncomfortable or hammer you over things that are beyond your control but it really is up to you to call the police and report him for driving drunk every single time you see him leave the house with keys in his hands after you know he's been drinking. It'll be horrible if He hurt or killed somebody driving drunk. I know you are not his keeper but if you know he's been drinking and isn't fit to drive you have to call every time. It doesn't matter if he gets arrested 1,000,000 times eventually he will get caught but you need to help that happen. In some states bars that continue to serve alcohol to a drunk person or let them leave the premises knowing they will drive are responsible for any accidents they make cause. I know that's not the case with you it's certainly isn't your problem but think about how somebody might feel if he hurt them and somebody could have stopped him by calling the police. You may feel guilty about it and Hi my beg you to not call the police or leave in a huff and then get mad when you do. He is breaking a law he is a danger on the road way and there's nothing more to be said about it.
That would be someone else’s responsibility now I don’t see him anymore. We didn’t live together at all so for the most part i was only able to drive and take his keys whenever i was with him which was only a few times a week. If he left HIS house drunk and that was a day I didn’t see him i’d have no clue he was on the road.
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Default Nov 14, 2020 at 01:59 PM
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It sounds like he has a drinking problem that stems from insecurities and personal issues. You think you need to help him address these issues first.
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