[Disney2019]

I caught my ex in a lie and his behavior showed his guilt 100% I’m still following him on IG and he has been contacting me also. Anyways, he is out tonight did a live video and it was clearly a party. He videotaped this girl and he seemed a bit too friendly with her to be pals...I didn’t need to see that....I confronted him and I didn’t accuse him of anything at all. Then he BS me saying it’s so and so girlfriend and he doesn’t like my attitude, to leave him alone and he blocked me..I didn’t even say much, but he really showed his guilt the way he reacted. I know for a damn fact that wasn’t somebody’s girlfriend the way he was acting was so childish. I tried texting him but he stopped responding to me so I gave up. I don’t care, I was not wrong for confronting him..he knew how I felt about him so he’s a real scumbag

[RoxanneToto]

So, did he cheat on you, with this girl or someone else, and that’s why he’s your ex?
I get it’s often really painful seeing a recent ex with another person, but the toughest thing here is that he is allowed to see her, whether he lied to you about who she’s dating (or not), even if you’re not healed enough to be ok with it. It hurts, but he’s not obligated to wait for you to be ready for him to move on. If he did cheat on you before you split up, I agree he’s a massive scumbag (but that was never about you anyway - many cheaters feel entitled to do it, and/or they get off on other people’s pain. Nobody can compel another person to cheat, no matter what excuse they give you. It’s a choice).
Following him on IG and talking to him is also your choice, but I believe some would class following him on social media as “pain shopping”. Maybe it’s helpful for some people, for a short time at least, I’m not sure. As you’ve found, you can’t predict or control what he puts on his social media pages, only your own reaction to it.
I’m not trying to be super harsh, I know it’s really horrible to see him do that, so I wanna give you a big virtual hug! I hope it starts hurting less each day for you soon.

[Have Hope]

My suggestion is to stop following your ex on IG and anywhere else. Since he is a liar, he is not to be trusted. I wouldn't text him either or contact him again in any way. Go no contact. Though it's hard to do, and I know how tempting it is to still text or check up on your ex, it's truly for the best, for your mental health and happiness. This too shall pass, as trite as that sounds, it's sooo true. Go no contact and the greater emotional distance you get from this man, the better you will feel.

[Disney2019]

Originally Posted by Have Hope

My suggestion is to stop following your ex on IG and anywhere else. Since he is a liar, he is not to be trusted. I wouldn't text him either or contact him again in any way. Go no contact. Though it's hard to do, and I know how tempting it is to still text or check up on your ex, it's truly for the best, for your mental health and happiness. This too shall pass, as trite as that sounds, it's sooo true. Go no contact and the greater emotional distance you get from this man, the better you will feel.

Thanks..he blocked me on IG then I blocked him in the event he unblocks me and tries to reach out again when he’s bored or lonely. He knows he lied to me instead of manning up he just blocked me. It’s super hard right now, but I’m not reaching out. He is narcissistic which his former therapist confirmed but said it in a different way...so this is his typical game. Expects me to chase him, apologize, beg him to talk to me. And he always talks to me again but only after I’ve worn myself out emotionally. I’m getting nothing out of this friendship and all it has done is made me feel more and more alienated. Yeah sure he gave mf loads of attention before stuff started to reopen, but as of September 2, our state started reopening more things..I just don’t like feeling like I’m an outsider and he always managed to make me feel like a nobody.

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Disney2019

Thanks..he blocked me on IG then I blocked him in the event he unblocks me and tries to reach out again when he’s bored or lonely. He knows he lied to me instead of manning up he just blocked me. It’s super hard right now, but I’m not reaching out. He is narcissistic which his former therapist confirmed but said it in a different way...so this is his typical game. Expects me to chase him, apologize, beg him to talk to me. And he always talks to me again but only after I’ve worn myself out emotionally. I’m getting nothing out of this friendship and all it has done is made me feel more and more alienated. Yeah sure he gave mf loads of attention before stuff started to reopen, but as of September 2, our state started reopening more things..I just don’t like feeling like I’m an outsider and he always managed to make me feel like a nobody.

You have to ask yourself repeatedly: WHY would I bother contacting or following someone who makes me feel like a nobody? What am I getting out of it except for more self punishment, bad feelings and more misery? WHY keep putting your hand to the burner that hurts you again and again and again? You have to stop yourself and ask these questions the next time you are tempted to unblock, reach out, follow or pursue him in any way. It's just plain harmful, and after a while, it's truly masochistic. Please think about what I am saying. GO NO CONTACT for real, and make it permanent. He is NOT worthy of you.

[Disney2019]

Originally Posted by Have Hope

You have to ask yourself repeatedly: WHY would I bother contacting or following someone who makes me feel like a nobody? What am I getting out of it except for more self punishment, bad feelings and more misery? WHY keep putting your hand to the burner that hurts you again and again and again? You have to stop yourself and ask these questions the next time you are tempted to unblock, reach out, follow or pursue him in any way. It's just plain harmful, and after a while, it's truly masochistic. Please think about what I am saying. GO NO CONTACT for real, and make it permanent. He is NOT worthy of you.

You’re right he isn’t. He rarely ever asks how I’m doing or feeling but yet he is quick to talk about himself and how he’s going to be a millionaire in a couple months 🙄🙄 I had decided a couple months ago (my friend suggested it) after he had a tantrum and I left super late at night because I couldn’t deal with his drunken behavior, that I would never stay over at his house again ever. I was going to set boundaries..we are not in a relationship, so I’m not going to sleep in the same bed with you. Well, I gave in which I regretted..so here I am. I don’t like feeling weak and powerless

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Disney2019

You’re right he isn’t. He rarely ever asks how I’m doing or feeling but yet he is quick to talk about himself and how he’s going to be a millionaire in a couple months 🙄🙄 I had decided a couple months ago (my friend suggested it) after he had a tantrum and I left super late at night because I couldn’t deal with his drunken behavior, that I would never stay over at his house again ever. I was going to set boundaries..we are not in a relationship, so I’m not going to sleep in the same bed with you. Well, I gave in which I regretted..so here I am. I don’t like feeling weak and powerless

Oh, I know the feeling -- I've been there, and done that. You know what strengthens you and empowers you the most though? It's when you say to yourself "enough is enough of this crap", "I deserve FAR better", "I will NOT be made to feel like crap again, not ever" and to MEAN IT. Those words said to yourself, even if you have to repeat it every day, several times a day, will strengthen you and empower you to NOT accept anything less than what you truly deserve -- which is RESPECT, CARING, TRUE LOVE, EMOTIONAL STABILITY, and KINDNESS -- and if you're not getting that? Walk away, walk away, walk away, walk away.

Trust me. I've been in your shoes many times over. This works. And it rebuilds your self esteem!!!

[Disney2019]

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Oh, I know the feeling -- I've been there, and done that. You know what strengthens you and empowers you the most though? It's when you say to yourself "enough is enough of this crap", "I deserve FAR better", "I will NOT be made to feel like crap again, not ever" and to MEAN IT. Those words said to yourself, even if you have to repeat it every day, several times a day, will strengthen you and empower you to NOT accept anything less than what you truly deserve -- which is RESPECT, CARING, TRUE LOVE, EMOTIONAL STABILITY, and KINDNESS -- and if you're not getting that? Walk away, walk away, walk away, walk away.

Trust me. I've been in your shoes many times over. This works. And it rebuilds your self esteem!!!

thanks I’m going to try this

[Have Hope]

Originally Posted by Disney2019

thanks I’m going to try this

Hugs to you.

[divine1966]

He is a nasty human being but if you are not a romantic couple, he is free to post whatever he wants on IG and do whatever he wants including dating or going to parties. I don’t understand confronting him about some girl. As much as it might hurt there’s nothing you can do about what exes do when we leave them. I honestly think it’s better to stop following him or contacting him. I do understand you are hurting but confronting him about what he does or doesn’t do just doesn’t serve any purpose. You can do it. You deserve better

[Disney2019]

Originally Posted by Have Hope

Oh, I know the feeling -- I've been there, and done that. You know what strengthens you and empowers you the most though? It's when you say to yourself "enough is enough of this crap", "I deserve FAR better", "I will NOT be made to feel like crap again, not ever" and to MEAN IT. Those words said to yourself, even if you have to repeat it every day, several times a day, will strengthen you and empower you to NOT accept anything less than what you truly deserve -- which is RESPECT, CARING, TRUE LOVE, EMOTIONAL STABILITY, and KINDNESS -- and if you're not getting that? Walk away, walk away, walk away, walk away.

Trust me. I've been in your shoes many times over. This works. And it rebuilds your self esteem!!!

Originally Posted by divine1966

He is a nasty human being but if you are not a romantic couple, he is free to post whatever he wants on IG and do whatever he wants including dating or going to parties. I don’t understand confronting him about some girl. As much as it might hurt there’s nothing you can do about what exes do when we leave them. I honestly think it’s better to stop following him or contacting him. I do understand you are hurting but confronting him about what he does or doesn’t do just doesn’t serve any purpose. You can do it. You deserve better

thanks..it’s complicated so I get it doesn’t make sense, but he played a lot of mind games with me. In any case, it was the straw that broke the camels back so I can be at peace and along and not have to worry anymore

[guy1111]

Originally Posted by RoxanneToto

So, did he cheat on you, with this girl or someone else, and that’s why he’s your ex?
I get it’s often really painful seeing a recent ex with another person, but the toughest thing here is that he is allowed to see her, whether he lied to you about who she’s dating (or not), even if you’re not healed enough to be ok with it. It hurts, but he’s not obligated to wait for you to be ready for him to move on. If he did cheat on you before you split up, I agree he’s a massive scumbag (but that was never about you anyway - many cheaters feel entitled to do it, and/or they get off on other people’s pain. Nobody can compel another person to cheat, no matter what excuse they give you. It’s a choice).
Following him on IG and talking to him is also your choice, but I believe some would class following him on social media as “pain shopping”. Maybe it’s helpful for some people, for a short time at least, I’m not sure. As you’ve found, you can’t predict or control what he puts on his social media pages, only your own reaction to it.
I’m not trying to be super harsh, I know it’s really horrible to see him do that, so I wanna give you a big virtual hug! I hope it starts hurting less each day for you soon.

Pain shopping. Ha ha! I like that term. I still am guilty of this behavior. Why do we want to hurt ourselves? We should be more kind to ourselves and move on.

Resentments, catching liars in their lies, stewing in our heads, it only hurts us.

[Bill3]

Permanently block him and move on.

[Disney2019]

I partly blame myself. I was available to his disposal to hang out 90% of the time. Only time I turned him down was when I was truly busy. Of course he wanted to hang because things were closed. Being too easy or available doesn’t get you respect. He’s not a good person in general, because he will say “I love you” when he wants intimacy. Spitting out that word so easy, proves he doesn’t value love at all.

[divine1966]

I believe in give and take. If you are available, it’s fine to be free for get togethers. I don’t think I should lie I am busy if I am not. I don’t believe in playing games of hard to get. But I believe in having a balance of give and take. If there is no balance then he is likely not that serious about relationship and it’s better to not pursue it. I don’t believe in gaming respect by being unavailable. I believe relationships only work with right people. He isn’t right for you. No matter if you are available or not. He is just not right partner for you. Nothing to do with how you behave

[Prycejosh1987]

Just think about your needs in this instance, you may need to let him go and move onto the next person. Its best for you.