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Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Nyc
Posts: 98
4 8 hugs
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#1
I caught my ex in a lie and his behavior showed his guilt 100% I’m still following him on IG and he has been contacting me also. Anyways, he is out tonight did a live video and it was clearly a party. He videotaped this girl and he seemed a bit too friendly with her to be pals...I didn’t need to see that....I confronted him and I didn’t accuse him of anything at all. Then he BS me saying it’s so and so girlfriend and he doesn’t like my attitude, to leave him alone and he blocked me..I didn’t even say much, but he really showed his guilt the way he reacted. I know for a damn fact that wasn’t somebody’s girlfriend the way he was acting was so childish. I tried texting him but he stopped responding to me so I gave up. I don’t care, I was not wrong for confronting him..he knew how I felt about him so he’s a real scumbag
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RoxanneToto
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
Posts: 1,692
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#2
So, did he cheat on you, with this girl or someone else, and that’s why he’s your ex?
I get it’s often really painful seeing a recent ex with another person, but the toughest thing here is that he is allowed to see her, whether he lied to you about who she’s dating (or not), even if you’re not healed enough to be ok with it. It hurts, but he’s not obligated to wait for you to be ready for him to move on. If he did cheat on you before you split up, I agree he’s a massive scumbag (but that was never about you anyway - many cheaters feel entitled to do it, and/or they get off on other people’s pain. Nobody can compel another person to cheat, no matter what excuse they give you. It’s a choice). Following him on IG and talking to him is also your choice, but I believe some would class following him on social media as “pain shopping”. Maybe it’s helpful for some people, for a short time at least, I’m not sure. As you’ve found, you can’t predict or control what he puts on his social media pages, only your own reaction to it. I’m not trying to be super harsh, I know it’s really horrible to see him do that, so I wanna give you a big virtual hug! I hope it starts hurting less each day for you soon. |
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Bill3
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,091
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#3
My suggestion is to stop following your ex on IG and anywhere else. Since he is a liar, he is not to be trusted. I wouldn't text him either or contact him again in any way. Go no contact. Though it's hard to do, and I know how tempting it is to still text or check up on your ex, it's truly for the best, for your mental health and happiness. This too shall pass, as trite as that sounds, it's sooo true. Go no contact and the greater emotional distance you get from this man, the better you will feel.
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Bill3
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Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Nyc
Posts: 98
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#4
Quote:
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Bill3, Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,091
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,628 hugs
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#5
Quote:
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Nyc
Posts: 98
4 8 hugs
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#6
Quote:
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,091
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,628 hugs
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#7
Quote:
Trust me. I've been in your shoes many times over. This works. And it rebuilds your self esteem!!! __________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Nyc
Posts: 98
4 8 hugs
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#8
Quote:
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Have Hope
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Have Hope
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,091
(SuperPoster!)
6 3,628 hugs
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#9
__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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Disney2019
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,376
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#10
He is a nasty human being but if you are not a romantic couple, he is free to post whatever he wants on IG and do whatever he wants including dating or going to parties. I don’t understand confronting him about some girl. As much as it might hurt there’s nothing you can do about what exes do when we leave them. I honestly think it’s better to stop following him or contacting him. I do understand you are hurting but confronting him about what he does or doesn’t do just doesn’t serve any purpose. You can do it. You deserve better
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Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Nyc
Posts: 98
4 8 hugs
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#11
Quote:
Quote:
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Have Hope
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Member
Member Since Apr 2018
Location: US
Posts: 422
6 |
#12
Quote:
Resentments, catching liars in their lies, stewing in our heads, it only hurts us. |
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,924
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#13
Permanently block him and move on.
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Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Nyc
Posts: 98
4 8 hugs
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#14
I partly blame myself. I was available to his disposal to hang out 90% of the time. Only time I turned him down was when I was truly busy. Of course he wanted to hang because things were closed. Being too easy or available doesn’t get you respect. He’s not a good person in general, because he will say “I love you” when he wants intimacy. Spitting out that word so easy, proves he doesn’t value love at all.
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,376
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#15
I believe in give and take. If you are available, it’s fine to be free for get togethers. I don’t think I should lie I am busy if I am not. I don’t believe in playing games of hard to get. But I believe in having a balance of give and take. If there is no balance then he is likely not that serious about relationship and it’s better to not pursue it. I don’t believe in gaming respect by being unavailable. I believe relationships only work with right people. He isn’t right for you. No matter if you are available or not. He is just not right partner for you. Nothing to do with how you behave
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Member
Member Since Jul 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 368
3 |
#16
Just think about your needs in this instance, you may need to let him go and move onto the next person. Its best for you.
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