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Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Nyc
Posts: 98
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Sep 15, 2020 at 12:34 PM
#1
As much as I would love to get out there and start dating again, I’m going to be alone for at least 3 months. I don’t want to repeat mistakes, and I have to quit being so soft and a doormat. Need to build my self esteem to be stronger...right now I’m just too vulnerable and it’s going to take time to heal from the hurt I endured. Not going to let men use me and take advantage of me anymore.
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Member
Member Since Mar 2020
Location: Michigan
Posts: 126
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Sep 15, 2020 at 01:17 PM
#2
These are definitely good goals. I think it's important to note too that working on yourself and things such as boundaries, self-worth, and self-advocacy are things that take time even in a relationship to develop.
For me, I've found that whatever romantic relationship I've been in I default to past patterns of self-sacrifice, withholding my own needs and feelings, and giving up much of myself to help care for the other person. That's even with breaks between relationships and also working with therapists. It can take time to undo some of our past patterns. It takes commitment and it also takes self-compassion. Try to be kinder to yourself when you do fall into those patterns and also give yourself permission to grow over time. It's not an all-or-nothing process. Good luck on this journey. You deserve happiness and love! |
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 Fuzzybear, Have Hope, Open Eyes
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Member
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Nyc
Posts: 98
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Sep 15, 2020 at 03:05 PM
#3
Quote:
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| Fuzzybear, Open Eyes
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
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Sep 15, 2020 at 04:35 PM
#4
It’s wise.
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| Fuzzybear
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
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Sep 15, 2020 at 06:36 PM
#5
Quote:
__________________ 
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
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Sep 19, 2020 at 09:47 AM
#6
Anytime someone gets out of a bad relationship I always think its best to wait double the amount of time you were in one.
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
Posts: 22,367
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Sep 19, 2020 at 10:24 AM
#7
Quote:
If someone was married for 20 years and got divorced at 50. I don’t think it’s realistic to wait 40 years to date, you’d be 90. My husband was in a bad marriage, long one. If he waited to date double the time, he’d be over 100 years old to start dating lol He sure would never met me. I’d be long dead or married to someone else! Average recommendation is to have enough time process what happened. Some people need a year some 5 years and some never truly process anything. Another recommendation is to wait a minimum of a year. Wait double the time just isn’t realistic with long term relationships or any relationships unless it was really brief |
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Member
Member Since Jul 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 368
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Nov 14, 2020 at 12:53 PM
#8
The way to stop being a doormat is to learn from your mistakes and also set boundaries and laws, that are confining in you and the other person.
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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