Developing new friendships as an adult

scarlett35 · Nov 22, 2020 at 02:22 PM

I'm the same and also wondering how. At work for instance I know a few people but find it hard to develop into a proper friendship. Whereas others seem to manage this with ease. I think for me, being a listener is good but you also need to share as well. I find I'm too scared to share things because I'm busy concentrating on how I am perceived. I worry I will bore the person. Because of this though nobody knows anything about me, or very little!

I think friendship is about give and take, but it is more difficult as an adult. I totally agree!

Discombobulated · Nov 22, 2020 at 03:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scarlett35

I'm the same and also wondering how. At work for instance I know a few people but find it hard to develop into a proper friendship. Whereas others seem to manage this with ease. I think for me, being a listener is good but you also need to share as well. I find I'm too scared to share things because I'm busy concentrating on how I am perceived. I worry I will bore the person. Because of this though nobody knows anything about me, or very little!

I think friendship is about give and take, but it is more difficult as an adult. I totally agree!

Yes I think this is a good point. Do you also have trust issues? I think this can contribute to finding it hard to share things.

Discombobulated · Nov 22, 2020 at 03:18 PM

In full lockdown again at the moment so everything in on hold with friendships except for phone and texting. I notice I am becoming a little reclusive and my social anxiety is making a return. I fell out of touch with a lot of peripheral contacts this year which I guess is to be expected.

I would like to resume developing friendships when things are more normal but it isn't really realistic right now.

scarlett35 · Nov 23, 2020 at 04:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Discombobulated

Yes I think this is a good point. Do you also have trust issues? I think this can contribute to finding it hard to share things.

I think my issues are more around how I'm perceived by others? I always wonder if I'm coming across ok and as a nice person. I do have issues with rejection and low self esteem so think that contributes! I'm not sure whether related to trust issues directly but I worry about people leaving me because I'm not "good enough" and worry about people using me and then dumping me when I'm no longer needed.

I basically just think I have a lot of walls up

and it doesn't help my situation with making friends! It's also easy to get drowned out by others who may be louder and more sociable!

Discombobulated · Nov 23, 2020 at 09:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by scarlett35

I think my issues are more around how I'm perceived by others? I always wonder if I'm coming across ok and as a nice person. I do have issues with rejection and low self esteem so think that contributes! I'm not sure whether related to trust issues directly but I worry about people leaving me because I'm not "good enough" and worry about people using me and then dumping me when I'm no longer needed.

I basically just think I have a lot of walls up

and it doesn't help my situation with making friends! It's also easy to get drowned out by others who may be louder and more sociable!

I definitely identify with much of this. It's good you are aware of your thought processes through this, self esteem and self compassion both sound relevant and those are both usually fixable. Good luck!

scarlett35 · Nov 23, 2020 at 09:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Discombobulated

I definitely identify with much of this. It's good you are aware of your thought processes through this, self esteem and self compassion both sound relevant and those are both usually fixable. Good luck!

Good luck to you too! You are definitely not alone in this! It's hard work as an adult.

Prycejosh1987 · Dec 05, 2020 at 12:49 PM

I usually develop friendships at work, at least until i leave, apart from that, i do not make friends.

seesaw · Dec 05, 2020 at 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Prycejosh1987

I usually develop friendships at work, at least until i leave, apart from that, i do not make friends.

I don't like to rely on work to develop friends. It can be one place to develop friends, but then also it can be difficult to be really friends with people you work with and deal with certain things that happen in business. I've also found that when you leave a job, many friends you found at work are no longer your friends.

scarlett35 · Dec 06, 2020 at 08:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seesaw

I don't like to rely on work to develop friends. It can be one place to develop friends, but then also it can be difficult to be really friends with people you work with and deal with certain things that happen in business. I've also found that when you leave a job, many friends you found at work are no longer your friends.

I find this too. I think a lot of friendships are circumstantial almost. Once the circumstances change, some friendships can fade away quite quickly unfortunately! Even if you join social groups centred around hobbies etc. I don't think people intend to drift away but it just happens. I think only a few people will stay long term.

I know a fair few people from work but would only class 2 (one who I've known since school but works at the same place) as proper friends. I think I'd lose touch with most of the others pretty quickly if I left!

Totally understand how difficult it is. I actually found that the people I knew from school are still in a pretty close friendship group. In my experience the friends that have stayed together are ones who've known each other for a long time.

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Prycejosh1987 Member Member Since Jul 2020 Location: UK Posts: 368 3	Dec 05, 2020 at 12:49 PM #27 I usually develop friendships at work, at least until i leave, apart from that, i do not make friends.
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