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Magnate
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,456
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#1
Asks me out and than cancels at last minute. Has happened twice. Honestly i can do better, think he's after one thing. Kind of teased him. Sent pics was manic. Now my meds have been increased and that's really out of the question. But he's not getting the message.
How do i proceed? Group is off due to Covid and I don't see him anymore. He's my same age, kind of cute but I found out stuff i don't like about him. Only was going to give him a chance anyway, but now really don't want to. What do i say to him? __________________ Son: 14, 12/15/2009 R.I.P. Daughter: 20 Diagnosis: Bipolar with Psychosis. Latuda 100 mgs. |
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RoxanneToto
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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: VA
Posts: 2,053
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#2
I think it’s difficult for two people who are in a group together to hold onto that. At least that that’s what my therapist says.. From what you say that may not even be the issue, him blowing you off at the last minute.
If you truly don’t think he’s a good person then I say you tell him that you just can’t be with him because of the way he keeps jerking you around. Stand your ground. You don’t owe him anything, much less the time of day.. I hope you have good luck getting rid of the leech. __________________ “Then what is your advice to new practitioners”? “The same as for old practitioners! Keep at it “. Ajahn Chah Bipolar 1 PTSD Social Anxiety Disorder Panic Attacks Parkinsonism Dissociative Amnesia Abilify 15mg Viiibryd 40mg Clonzapam.05mg x2 Depakote 1500mg Gabapentin 300mg x 3 Wellbutrin 300mg Carbidopa/Levodopa 25mg-100mg x 3 |
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RoxanneToto
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Member Since Jun 2015
Location: US
Posts: 340
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#3
You don't have to say anything. If he tries to contact you just ghost him. That's what people do now.
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Aviza, RoxanneToto
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,924
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#4
It is okay to say "No thanks".
Not necessary or wise to offer any explanation. |
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*Beth*, RoxanneToto
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Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2017
Location: Eastern, USA
Posts: 9,083
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#5
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__________________ "Twenty-five years and my life is still trying to get up that great big hill of hope for a destination" ~4 Non Blondes |
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guy1111, RoxanneToto
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006
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#6
I think it's extremely risky to get emotionally involved with anybody from a group therapy situation.
__________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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*Beth*, Bill3, GSC2019, guy1111, RoxanneToto, WastingAsparagus
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Member
Member Since Jul 2020
Location: UK
Posts: 368
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#7
You tell him your thoughts, and you need to be honest with him. Chasing can be good but it ends up frustrating. I used to do it all the same at college, women pretended they liked me, but when i went forward to them to hold their hand. They slapped my hand away and kept walking away, only to do it all over again. I didnt become insecure but it made it think i do not need to waste my time on these girls.
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Aug 2020
Location: England
Posts: 1,692
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#8
I would just say thanks, but no thanks. If you start giving reasons or explaining your thoughts, he will push an emotional crowbar into the cracks in your arguments and you might be left either feeling like you’re now obligated to go out with him (regardless of whether that happens, or not, you’re never obligated to date anyone! You don’t owe people relationships), or wondering what else you can use to put him off. “No” is a complete sentence!
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*Beth*
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#9
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006
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#10
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How insensitive to people with bipolar. She does not control what he thinks or does. Do you think a girl who shows cleavage deserves to be assaulted? Shifting the blame for men behaving badly onto women asking for it just shows how women have to defend themselves and look out for each other simply because we can’t count on men. __________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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*Beth*, WastingAsparagus
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Student of Life
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: South America
Posts: 4,658
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#11
I mean, this is just a thought, but maybe you could bring this up with the therapist or whoever runs the group? I don't think it's appropriate in the first place for him to have asked you out given that it's a group therapy situation. That's how it was framed to me in the past when I did group therapy. That we couldn't do relationships with the other people at least until after the group was over. Sure, you can make friends in group therapy, but honestly, when I did it, the purpose of it wasn't to make friends. I don't know if that helps the situation. But if you feel uncomfortable with it, I would talk to the head of the group (i.e., therapist) in private about it and see what they want to do about it.
__________________ "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it!” |
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Member
Member Since May 2019
Location: NH
Posts: 73
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#12
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*Beth*
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#13
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Secondly, it's very sad that a person dealing with BPD does not control her actions but it's a cruel world. You still have to take resposbility for your actions. That guy didn't assault her, he was hitting on her, because she sent him the pics. A natural chain of events. Thirdly, "How insensitive to people with bipolar. She does not control what he thinks or does" - that's a not an argument at all. What if she killed somebody because she does not control what she thinks? Dealing with any disorder on daily basis is a terrible thing but it's wise to point out "mistakes" like that and do one's absolute best to control or have influence on the similar situations' outcomes in the future. |
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Threadtastic Postaholic
Member Since Dec 2018
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 6,006
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#14
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Maybe I chose the wrong sentence about self control and yes a Bipolar person has to take responsibility but since when is sending pics and someone getting the wrong idea her responsibility to manage a man's assumption? And it was insensitive, maybe to to a person with bipolar but definitely to Aviza. __________________ "I carried a watermelon?" President of the no F's given society. |
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#15
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It is understandable that the man could see it as a strong sign of a girl being interested. All he did thus far is this: The whole issue here is how to get rid of him, right? He didn't push anyone, he didn't ask for sex or assaulted anyone, right? Furthermore, the way I see it he's not sure what to do, he treads lightly. I think he'll bounce the moment the girl says "thank you, I'm not interested". I can tell by your words that you're very protective and it's great, however, I honestly believe you've fired too many guns at the poor guy. This man has shown no signs of any abusive expectations. |
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