Mom instincts

So I have 2 kids my mother has been taking care of 1 since he was a year old and the other has been with me the whole 5yrs. When they were babies I loved and did everything for then but for some reason I never got that motherly instinct and I do love my kids but I could also easily leave them with someone I know loves them and will care for them without a worry and never look back... I'm tempted to leave the state and pretend I dont have kids I know it's wrong and it hurts to admit I could do that but I feel like I would be happier and better off and I'm sure he would be better without a mother like me he loves me to death but annoys the crap out of me I know I'm a horrible person and a horrible mother but he doesnt know that I need some advice idk what to do about my son loving me so much and me being the horrible mother I am not giving a damn cuz I'm thinking about other things...

Why did you have kids?

My advice is to NOT leave your kids. That would devastate them and would harm them for the rest of their lives. You had and bore children. You owe it now to them to stick it out, to love them and care for them. Even as adults, kids still may need their parents. I am nearly 50 and still ask my parents for advice now and again. You decided to have children; therefore, this is now your obligation to be their mother. Do not abandon them. That would be horrible. Just think of what it would have done to YOU, had YOU been abandoned as a child. It's a most selfish thing to do.

Do you think you might have some kind of attachment disorder? Or untreated postpartum depression? Not all mothers who didn’t feel a bond had that, but it can make things worse. You don’t say how you felt after they were born.
I’m only trying to think about things that would prevent you feeling a strong bond with your children. Ignore me if I’m way off base, and I’m not trying to cause any offence. My own bio mother apparently didn’t bond with me, either, and it did have a detrimental effect on me.
I’m not sure what to tell you in terms of advice, however. I don’t feel that maternal instinct myself, so maybe I’d be similar as a mother, not really wanting to be there. I don’t even like the thought of babysitting another person’s children. I don’t have children, so it’s easier for me to say these things. I do sympathise, but on the other hand, I think about what effect leaving your children with someone else as you’re suggesting would have on them. It sounds very tough for everyone.
I would, at the very least, have some counselling to explore why you feel like a poor mother, and if anything can be done to try and address that. Do that before making any huge, life long decisions!

Hey @Guinevere69 to be perfectly honest with you....if the your kids mean so little to you or are difficult for you to relate to then try and come to a decison about them sooner rather than later.

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Originally Posted by Guinevere69 So I have 2 kids my mother has been taking care of 1 since he was a year old and the other has been with me the whole 5yrs. When they were babies I loved and did everything for then but for some reason I never got that motherly instinct and I do love my kids but I could also easily leave them with someone I know loves them and will care for them without a worry and never look back... I'm tempted to leave the state and pretend I dont have kids I know it's wrong and it hurts to admit I could do that but I feel like I would be happier and better off and I'm sure he would be better without a mother like me he loves me to death but annoys the crap out of me I know I'm a horrible person and a horrible mother but he doesnt know that I need some advice idk what to do about my son loving me so much and me being the horrible mother I am not giving a damn cuz I'm thinking about other things...

My brother and sister in law adopted a boy whose parents didn’t even want to raise him. The best thing ever happened to my nephew. He is the most wonderful well adjusted successful adult now. He was raised in loving family

Just because someone gave birth doesn’t mean they are better parents than someone else who might raise the kid.

Do you know anyone who is willing to adopt your children and who’ll raise them loved and cared for?

When I was much younger I have always wanted children I do love them both verry much and couldn't leave my youngest.
My mom is raising my oldest boy because I had housing issues when he was too young to move around like I did, then we found out he was autistic and I knew he'd be better taken care of by my mother among many other things my anxiety prevents me from driving, however I couldn't stay with my mother and wound up Pregnant again, I was on birth control I didnt want another kid but I still love him.
His father and i were basically just having alot of sex and we spent 6 years together because of the pregnancy, I had a lot of prenatal difficulties but he helped me through then started doing drugs and became abusive. Hes now in jail and there's a protection order set for 5 years, his uncle has helped us through anything financially when we struggled or just wanted a night out, Aunt and Uncle have a 13yr old boy and 14 yr old girl they're spoiled rotten little brats but amazing good hearted smart and strong and I love them and they love my 5 yr old and he loves them all. Most of the time I feel loved by them as if i were family but idk if it's my insecurity or the instability in my head that causes doubts about their feelings towards me.
They babysit while I work nights, actually we live with them but I have been drifting farther and farther away from him emotionally, I know he loves me more than anything in the world and I love him but I feel somehow detached from myself when I'm interacting with him its awkward and I dont know why.

Attachment disorder could be possible I have codependent tendencies attaching to adults. After I had him I was seen for postpartum depression on top of my severe depression and anxiety already but I dont think it really helped, I could never actually leave him I'm worried what effect a co-state/co-parenting plan may have on him considering school...

P.S. No offense taken I greatly appreciated your reply that's why I post I like to know the opinion of others, if there are other people who feel like me or have similar experiences, thoughts, or issues and I am beginning regular therapy again now. I know I have a lot of mental problems and I'm not ashamed or afraid to admit (not face to face though) and that is probably part of the reason I'm worried about being a bad mom because I'm so messed up in my head I dont want my kids to be the same or not be able to take care of them because I cant take care of myself or them see me have an episode or grow up having to apologize for having a crazy mom. I want my boys to grow up safe and loved and I guess I'm worried I cant give them that.

I want to sincerely apologize for my earlier and first post. I was too harsh, and honestly, I didn't mean to be. I worried for your kids' future if you were to leave them.

I DO understand your predicament, and I feel for you. It's a very difficult position to be in.

And I can understand how you feel - I never wanted children myself initially because I thought I was too messed up to be a good mother. I thought about adoption at one point because then I wouldn't pass on my genes or any of my mental health issues. Then I abandoned the notion of kids altogether because I determined I am too free spirited and enjoy my freedom.

I'm very sorry you experience and suffer from mental health issues. I wish I knew what else to say, but mainly I wanted to apologize, and let you know that I sympathize.

If your emotional needs aren’t been met - theirs certainly isn’t either. Please seek counseling as a matter of urgency and come to a decision, either way, sooner rather than later.

Wrong choices to not make you a horrible mother, what would do is if you made choices that made life worse for your children. Mistakes can always be rectified. Although there are exceptions to that.