Not sure what to do to connect with people

Hello, I don't have anyone to talk to and it's bothering me. Not having anyone is kind the problem in itself. I'm lonely and I don't feel like I have anyone to turn to.

There are only two people in my life. Both are ex girlfriends. The first is not a bad person, but she's not very good with communication. If I reach out to her with any issue, I can expect some form of cookie cutter response back, such as "Sorry you feel low, hope you're better soon X". I don't think it is from a lack of empathy, but just because she doesn't know how to help. I believe she means well, but it's not enough.

I feel a bit emotionally drained from maintaining the friendship too. Her parents died earlier in the year and this triggered a major bi-polar manic episode that landed her in a inpatient facility for several months. During that time I played the role of emotional support for her. That was hard because she was very mentally ill and listening to her was like listening to white noise on a detuned radio, but I did the best I could. When she was better and back home she became very flakey, cancelling plans at the last minuet, rearranging, cancelling again. I brought up the issue and she explained that she didn't mean to be like that but couldn't help it. I believe her, and I have compassion for that state of mind, so I've swallowed whatever disappointment or irritation I feel about the situation.

The second ex is a different story. While I've always been amicable with the previous, this girl can be very aggressive, toxic and sociopathic. I hadn't even spoken with her for two years until a couple of months ago. She had broken up with her boyfriend and was basically looking for sex, companionship and weed to stand in for what she'd lost access to. I was wary about her, so there was quite a bit of boundary definition before anything could come from it. A few months later and she was acting cold and passive aggressive towards me. I explained to her that I felt she was being inaccessible, unsupportive, and that the terms of our friendship were being dictated by her mood. I also added that I was afraid to broach these issues with her because of how she would react. She shut me off, called me a selfish ********, and said that until I said sorry for bringing it up she couldn't give a **** whether she never spoke to me again. Didn't I know that friendships were about give and take? I give, she takes.

I sought out psychiatric help too. My initial appointment was terrible and it felt like the assessor didn't listen to a word I said. I had to appeal for a second appointment with a psychiatrist instead of a nurse. That took over a year before I got a second hearing. The result was being prescribed a course of occupational therapy, which is due to start next week. I'm not sure what practical application it will have over the phone in lockdown, but I guess I'll see. I'm not very hopeful about what change it will bring however. If anyone can tell me what to expect, feel free to do so.

You may have selfish people in your life, who don't think thoughtfully of you, or who are capable of thinking beyond their own worlds.

Have you tried reaching out to form new friendships? A support group from NAMI or DBSA? A meet up group? At work? Friends from your childhood?

I rely on my friends for sharing my life experience. My friends cancel plans as well, sometimes, but are usually available through text or even an old fashioned phone call.

Sounds like you want more balanced friendships. I wish and hope you can find them.

That's it though. I don't think I have any place to go. I don't have a job. Nobody visits. All activities such as clubs, volunteer work, etc, are all closed due to the pandemic. Even the therapy that I've waited years for is going to be half-baked. All I can do is sit alone in the house, or go for solitary walks. I don't see any way that I can help myself at the moment. This isn't a new phenomenon. I've been isolated for quite a long time and I've pretty much exhausted all my interests to a point of tedium.

I'm sorry. The ''situation'' in the world makes things... difficult (for everyone, naturally... connections with others being one of the main ways for many, I think)

Are there any ways you can connect with anyone online? That is better than ''no' connections or very few. Sometimes online connections can be very rewarding. (sometimes not so much)

I also have many selfish people in my life who do not think thoughtfully of me and only seem to think of their own worlds (and needs)

Thanks for this post

I'm sorry to read this. I live in the same forest I have also sought out psychiatric help. You are far from alone in having received an extremely sub optimal service. It would seem to me that they are chronically ''locked down''... aside from the ''situation'' as this has ''always'' been the case in my experience..... occupational therapy over the phone? I have not had any therapy of any sort over the phone. I wonder if it would be possible to find something through MIND or some other charity? I have not tried that either though. I am thinking of trying private therapy (again) but in this forest I am not very optimistic. I know a good T would be helpful, but a sub optimal T would be worse than nothing.... especially if they can't even listen adequately. This really puzzles me when a therapist has so much difficulty listening and comprehending us

Your two ex friends do not sound.. I'm lost for words right now. There are (of course) people who are not selfish, sociopathic and those other characteristics. It is not impossible to find some of them, even in....... ''these times''...

There is always someone you can talk to. There is always someONE you can speak to, it may seem that people do not like but that might be just your perception. You could be wrong.

Hi Jade, I'm so sorry you're going through this! I know exactly how you feel. Lately all my friends have been really busy and I've been feeling alone too.

Is there nothing at all that is open activity-wise where you are? I'm still doing dance and youth group with social distancing and other precautions, but it's still a chance to see some people. And my T is letting me go in person, so that helps. I've tried it over the phone, and it doesn't help me personally because I don't feel like I can be as open.

Have you tried 7 cups of tea? If you need to talk to someone about a specific problem, you can find some good listeners on there. Or if you have a way to make friends online, that will at least be better than nothing at all.

I hope you can find a way to connect with someone. You can always private message me as well if you need someone to talk to. Sending love and prayers

Quote:

Originally Posted by Junerain You may have selfish people in your life, who don't think thoughtfully of you, or who are capable of thinking beyond their own worlds.

Hallelujah, someone finally said it. This greatly resonates with me personally, and I hope it helps the OP. Thank you for putting this to words!

fuzzybear