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Old Yesterday, 02:55 PM   #21
lizardlady
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Default Re: Coming to terms with Family's racisim.

@sarahsweets;

I said in my reply to OpenEyes that my daddy's family are hardcore bigots. They hate anyone who does not look and think like them. I'm glad we live at opposite ends of the country. I'd probably end up shooting off my mother to them if I had to deal with them now. I think you are wise to not spend the holidays with your uncle, etc.

I might be spending the holidays with family of my best friend. The relatives are very conservative, very bigoted. I'm trying to sort out what I can say or do if they start in. On one hand I don't want to have to listen to hate speech. On the other hand, I will be at their home. There's no way in hades I'm going to change the way they think/believe. I'm thinking of asking them not to use those words around me.

As for why racist/bigoted people seem to be everywhere lately... I believe they've been around all along. It's that the current environment gives them permission to be open about it.
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Old Yesterday, 03:05 PM   #22
Open Eyes
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Default Re: Coming to terms with Family's racisim.

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Open Eyes, I disagree that the root of racism is fear. At least it isn't always. My best friend's family are hard core racists. They are not afraid of minorities. They just plain hate anyone who does not look and think like them.

Last year one of them looked at me oddly and asked if I was a "tree hugger." Looked 'em in the eye and said "Yep, all my life." I suspect it changed their opinion of me.

My daddy's family are all redneck bigots. Again, they don't fear minorities they just flat out hate anyone "different." They consider anyone who is not white, male and of European descent as inferior. To their "credit" (heavy sarcasm) they are equal opportunity bigots. Whether it's skin color, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender, political beliefs, if you ain't just like them you are less than and hated.


Perhaps the fear for them is accepting, some can NEVER accept and simply choose to hate. What gets me is hating due to skin color. My husband has olive skin color as he takes after his mother who comes from Portugal and portugese heritage. My daughter inherited what I consider a beautiful skin color, always somewhat tan? What I did not know until she was older is how she faced discrimination where some of her piers insisted she must be mexican or hispanic and was not "white" enough. Ugh, she never told me that when it happened and kept it to herself. My daughter was stunningly beautiful in her high school years, she did not think so according to her piers. (Just want to mention I live in a VERY blue state)

So it's unfortunate in that some individuals do "hate due to skin color", yes you are right.
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Old Yesterday, 03:31 PM   #23
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Default Re: Coming to terms with Family's racisim.

ďEqual opportunity bigotsĒ. Lol I know itís not funny but made me chuckle, equal opportunity haters. Hate everyone who isnít like them. I am convinced hate comes from ignorance. Some people donít comprehend much and donít know much (not due to cognitive limitations, simply due to lack of desire to learn anything), live isolated lives, read conspiracy theories, repeat what others say mindlessly, never travelled and never experienced diversity and are too lazy to learn. Sadly their ignorance causes problems to others who are on a receiving end of their hatred. Sad.

I kind of agree that most people donít change their ways. But some do. The ones willing to learn and explore and step out of their limited surrounding and open their horizons. Some do change their ways. For example, I know people who were convinced that homosexuality is a choice, they simply lack education and knowledge on the matter. When they made an effort to learn, they discovered how wrong they were. Itís commendable. Itís never too late to learn and grow. There is hope for some people.
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Old Yesterday, 03:32 PM   #24
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Default Re: Coming to terms with Family's racisim.

Oh I agree lizard lady, bigots were always there. They are just more comfortable exposing their views right now.
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Old Yesterday, 03:49 PM   #25
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Default Re: Coming to terms with Family's racisim.

I grew up with Black kids as friends my entire life. My best friend in 1st grade was a Black boy in my class My 2nd best friend was a Hispanic boy. My 3rd best friend was an Asian girl. In first grade! My parents would let me walk home from school to their houses (this was in the 1970s). I learned about these 3 cultures from my elementary school friendsí families, which Iím so grateful for.

The rude awakening came by the time I hit high school. Kids in high school and college can and are SO racist, when they donít grow up in a family environment where tolerance of all races is the norm. I remember eating dinner at my friend Kyleís when I was 8 years old. His older siblings and his parents just accepted me ó this little while girl ó for who I was, not b/c I was white. They taught me about soul food, gospel music, and were really nice to me and I always felt happy at Kyleís house. But the kids I went to high school with ó rich white kids who never experienced racial diversity and were just complete assholes to any minority students who were enrolled there. Iíll never forget it. Same story at my college; despite the racial diversity, racist white kids galore there from wealthy families. My best friend in college was a Black gal from Detroit. She was so much fun! We were great friends.

I have zero tolerance for racists. Maybe that makes me as bad as the racists? That I wonít tolerate bigotry?
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Old Yesterday, 03:57 PM   #26
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Default Re: Coming to terms with Family's racisim.

Oh I disagree as what I shared about my daughter happened 20 years ago. I also learned there can be bigotry/dicrimination in both political parties. Perhaps it's more evident when one is older and experienced it. That being said, it tends to be more prevelent in areas in the south.
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Old Yesterday, 04:10 PM   #27
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Default Re: Coming to terms with Family's racisim.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Motts View Post
I grew up with Black kids as friends my entire life. My best friend in 1st grade was a Black boy in my class My 2nd best friend was a Hispanic boy. My 3rd best friend was an Asian girl. In first grade! My parents would let me walk home from school to their houses (this was in the 1970s). I learned about these 3 cultures from my elementary school friendsí families, which Iím so grateful for.

The rude awakening came by the time I hit high school. Kids in high school and college can and are SO racist, when they donít grow up in a family environment where tolerance of all races is the norm. I remember eating dinner at my friend Kyleís when I was 8 years old. His older siblings and his parents just accepted me ó this little while girl ó for who I was, not b/c I was white. They taught me about soul food, gospel music, and were really nice to me and I always felt happy at Kyleís house. But the kids I went to high school with ó rich white kids who never experienced racial diversity and were just complete assholes to any minority students who were enrolled there. Iíll never forget it. Same story at my college; despite the racial diversity, racist white kids galore there from wealthy families. My best friend in college was a Black gal from Detroit. She was so much fun! We were great friends.

I have zero tolerance for racists. Maybe that makes me as bad as the racists? That I wonít tolerate bigotry?
When your early imprinting allows you to experience others of different races/colors/ethnicities/religions comfortably it can be a bit of a shocker once you get exposed to racism/discrimination and prejudice. Yes, now that you mention it, it was high school and college that my daughter was challenged.

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Old Yesterday, 04:30 PM   #28
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Default Re: Coming to terms with Family's racisim.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes View Post
Oh I disagree as what I shared about my daughter happened 20 years ago. I also learned there can be bigotry/dicrimination in both political parties. Perhaps it's more evident when one is older and experienced it. That being said, it tends to be more prevelent in areas in the south.
Open Eyes, having grown up in the north and lived my adult life in the south neither one has more discrimination/bigotry. Southerners are just more open about it. In general a bigot in the south is open about their bigotry. In the north, again in general, bigots closet their ugly thoughts. They act accepting when a minority person is present, but the ugliness comes out when they are gone.
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Old Yesterday, 04:49 PM   #29
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Default Re: Coming to terms with Family's racisim.

Thanks Liz, I have lived all my life in the northeast so I don't have first hand experience other than what I have read when it comes to the south. However, when I was younger and my parents did take us down south they mentioned behaviors were going to be a bit different so we would be better prepared for what we saw/experienced. Yes, you are right in that it is more closeted in the north, yet it's still there as I mentioned.
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Old Yesterday, 05:04 PM   #30
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Default Re: Coming to terms with Family's racisim.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Motts View Post
I grew up with Black kids as friends my entire life. My best friend in 1st grade was a Black boy in my class My 2nd best friend was a Hispanic boy. My 3rd best friend was an Asian girl. In first grade! My parents would let me walk home from school to their houses (this was in the 1970s). I learned about these 3 cultures from my elementary school friendsí families, which Iím so grateful for.

The rude awakening came by the time I hit high school. Kids in high school and college can and are SO racist, when they donít grow up in a family environment where tolerance of all races is the norm. I remember eating dinner at my friend Kyleís when I was 8 years old. His older siblings and his parents just accepted me ó this little while girl ó for who I was, not b/c I was white. They taught me about soul food, gospel music, and were really nice to me and I always felt happy at Kyleís house. But the kids I went to high school with ó rich white kids who never experienced racial diversity and were just complete assholes to any minority students who were enrolled there. Iíll never forget it. Same story at my college; despite the racial diversity, racist white kids galore there from wealthy families. My best friend in college was a Black gal from Detroit. She was so much fun! We were great friends.

I have zero tolerance for racists. Maybe that makes me as bad as the racists? That I wonít tolerate bigotry?
Yup. Great points. No I donít think not accepting bigotry makes us just as bad as them. Actually bigots like to claim that those who donít accept bigotry are intolerant and accepting prejudice is a form of tolerance. It makes zero sense.
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