Im just extremely confused about who I am. I'm a 20 year old boy, when I was in school I was sure of who I was, I had hobbies that I enjoyed, close friends that I talked to everyday and I was definitely straight. Now though I just feel so confused.

I'm confused about my sexuality, I go through stages every couple of months where I feel what I'm desiring changes completely. One month even the thought of being anything but straight would make my skin crawl and gross me out, the next month It will feel completely normal? When I was 18 i was very drunk one night in a hotel room with my friend and I told him that I'm bisexual, I truly believed I was at the time, and I felt attracted to him whilst I was there. But im sitting here right now and I feel as though its far from the truth, the fact that i said that has made me cringe, im only attracted to females. He was understanding and said it was cool but now he thinks I'm bisexual when I dont even think I am?? Or am I? I don't know. These types of feelings switch continuesly over time.

This bit is going to make me sound dumb but when I was 18/19 I was going out drinking a lot. I used to get into a fight near enough everytime I went out. Not on purpose, I dont even know how It would happen most of the time. But they werent petty fights as they would ussually end up being pretty serious. Because of this I've been getting intense flashbacks of moments of been beaten up. These flashbacks then cause panic attacks, looped thoughts, shivering and cold sweats . Although I feel like this is a problem that will go away on its own, im now afraid of going out at all just incase I get into another fight.

Next, I have a girlfriend, we've been seeing for nearly two years. She has a severe case of a condition called Vagininsmus, where her vagina involuntarily contracts, so it hasn't been possible for us to have sex at all. I really do sympathise for her, but its put me in a really difficult position as I doubt she will ever be able to have intercourse. Although we cant have sex I don't think I could ever leave her, which worries me a lot. Am I supposed to go my whole life without sex aswell?

When I was younger I felt extremely sociable, I could talk to anyone and be careless. But now I found it hard to communicate anything other than basic emotion, the sound of my own voice bores me and im very awkward. I also have no hobbies as nothing interests me anymore.

I dont even know if im just being too sensitive and this is just apart of lifes problems, like there's so many people going through a lot more than me right now. I just need some guidance I think??

Im sorry if there's any mistakes , its 4am and I'm tired.

[Bill3]

Welcome to Psych Central!

You might want to also post in the Sexual and gender issues forum.

Vaginismus can be treated. Can your girlfriend see a therapist, preferably a sex therapist?

I would not assume that flashbacks and panic attacks will just go away on their own. I think that you also would benefit from seeing a therapist.