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Old 10-17-2020, 04:52 AM   #1
sarahsweets
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Default Coming to terms with Family's racisim.

Hi there: I have always known my extended family had racists undertones. (not my mother or siblings, father is dead). My uncle, his wife and kids have always "walked the racist line". Actually they really havent but I grew up around them so I guess I didnt see it the way I do now.
I blame politics 100%. My brother is gay and his partner is black. Last year my Aunt said stuff like : "Let me take a picture with B I have always wanted a black and white pic". Or she would call him a chocolate eclair and then say : " You know Im kidding right? " Well what do you think a new black member of the all white family would say? My brother is makes no bones about how he feels and let her know. Now, we have a pandemic and the rhetoric is worse. They act like its ok to hate "those people" but not 'B". Or my brother who is gay. Its the other "gays" that are the problem but oh, no, not him. My mother wasnt raised this way so I have no idea where my uncle gets this from.

He has never been particularly nice to me anyway. I defriended him because he kept sending me trump stuff when I specifically told him not to. In fact my last message was " DO NOT EVER send me another trump thing again" and he did. That side of the family rails against "libtards and snowflakes" it goes on and on. My immediate family will not be doing holidays with them but with Fauci's guidelines it gives us an out. My brother and I told my mom that they need to know the real reason and I know she is dreading the convo. I do not understand why people with racist ideas are everywhere now. Well I do really its just disheartening when its your family. Has anyone else had to contend with this and how? Did you have conversations or confrontations >?
To those that respond: Please use the mention function (@sarahsweets) so I dont lose track of the thread and not participate. Thanks.
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Last edited by bluekoi; 10-18-2020 at 11:35 AM.. Reason: Remove political content
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Old 10-17-2020, 07:03 AM   #2
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Default Re: Coming to terms with Family's racisim.

It’s tough @sarahsweets My dad periodically makes nasty comments about people. Yes there’ve been confrontations over the years. Now when he is old, it’s pointless. I don’t participate in discussions anymore, I change topics, play “grey rock” and move on. In ideal world people would change their ways. In this world, I am not sure. I think we still should educate people and I try to do so when I can but not when they get too old
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Old 10-17-2020, 08:19 AM   #3
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Default Re: Coming to terms with Family's racisim.

Very true @divine1966. The thing that gets me is my mother and uncle were raised by the same parents and she isn’t like that. And it’s gone way beyond “occasional “. It’s blatant. I honestly do not want to spend any holidays with them. I am wistful for what it might have been but the reality is they are hateful people and I adore my brother no matter who he loves.
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Old 10-17-2020, 09:20 AM   #4
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Default Re: Coming to terms with Family's racisim.

It’s amazing how things work out. My BFF’s mother is the sweetest lady, yet her uncles raised in the same family are horrible human beings. Delinquent white supremacy racists. Go figure. @sarahsweets. I don’t blame you for not wanting to be around these people
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Old 10-17-2020, 10:31 AM   #5
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Default Re: Coming to terms with Family's racisim.

It's unfortunate @sarahsweets but most of the time the root of racism is about "fear". That's what prejudice is about too mostly "fear of". When it comes to "fear of's" it's important to learn how to listen as often a person will show you by what they say to you what their true fear is about. It sounds like these relatives harbor some deep fears they don't know what to do with.

It's what my mother taught me when I was little. My mother would be ironing and she would watch old movies. I would sit and watch them with her. One day I was watching a movie with Shirley Temple where she was dancing with a man that happened to be black. That's when my mother began to tell me how mean Black people were treated, how they were not allowed to mingle with White people or use the same bathrooms or water fountains and many other things. When my mother told me this it was clear to me she was unhappy about that and thought it was mean. And years later she told me how she was told she could not play with other children on the beach because she was not rich enough to do so. So my mother knew what it felt like to face discrimination, it was a genuine feeling that she empathized with the most. The things my mother told me to "notice" that were wrong left a lasting impression.

Just because someone is related to you doesn't mean you have to agree to engage them when they say things that you find pushing their fears or ways of handling these fears on you. It can be unfortunate, but often politic's can divide family and friends and people in general. And this isn't anything "new" either, it's pretty much always been there.

One thing I do know is bad people come in all colors, as good caring people also come in all colors too. The pigment of someone's skin doesn't say anything other than mostly their origin and how their body adapted to the amount of sun they happened to be exposed to. It's just very stupid once one considers the biological science of it.

Last edited by bluekoi; 10-18-2020 at 11:45 AM.. Reason: Remove political content
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Old 10-17-2020, 08:16 PM   #6
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Default Re: Coming to terms with Family's racisim.

@sarahsweets must you see this uncle? What if you don't?
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Old 10-17-2020, 09:04 PM   #7
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Default Re: Coming to terms with Family's racisim.

Agree with Bill as if you told this relative not to push his opinions on you and he continues to do so then it’s best to limit your contact as much as possible. And that should be true no matter what a person affiliates with politically. We all have a right to have our own opinion.
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Old 10-18-2020, 02:44 AM   #8
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Default Re: Coming to terms with Family's racisim.

Well @Bill3 I dont suppose I have to see anyone I dont want to. Honestly I dont think we will. My mother will have to have a hard conversation with her brother about all of this. Its not that I wouldnt have the conversation myself but I also wouldnt let me mother have a holiday alone with them.
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Old 10-18-2020, 06:14 AM   #9
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Default Re: Coming to terms with Family's racisim.

I think it is important to speak up when you hear those remarks. Keep it simple,such as I don't want to hear that. They aren't going to change their thoughts. There is a quote by Elie Wiesel: "When good men do nothing, evil continues." I guess staying away from them as much as possible is important, also. Don't engage in a conversation, or argument, just simply state you won't stay around to hear that. They know how you feel, and I think enjoy making those racist remarks....people like that love to get someone going and arguing. Racism has always existed, and sadly always will; all we can do is when we hear it; say something.
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Old 10-18-2020, 06:32 AM   #10
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Default Re: Coming to terms with Family's racisim.

People often say ridiculous racist and homophobic things because of ignorance. How they turn out to be so ignorant in 2020 is amazing. Ignorance certainly isn’t a bliss and isn’t an excuse because nowadays there are many ways for people like your uncles to educate themselves.

If they choose to remain ignorant, they’ll pay the price because decent family members won’t associate with them. They’ll be stewing in their hatred on their own @sarahsweets
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