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Old 10-17-2020, 07:00 PM   #1
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Default I think my friend is going to reject me

And I also think I'm rejection sensitive.

This young woman and I have been meeting up once a week since the pandemic. We typically just video chat but we've met up a few times too.

She's been acting weird lately. She didn't return my texts (asking when she wanted to meet up) and she hasn't been available lately.

We usually meet on Sundays and she ignored my texts for a week then in Sunday said she felt like she failed as a friend and she had had a difficult week. She said she was available to talk. I told her I wasn't available (I had made plans since I hadn't heard from her) but that I would get back to her when I was able.

I just needed time, honestly, I felt hurt and worried she didn't want to hang out anymore. I also felt disrespected and walked on.

Actually, I felt pretty done with this, I didn't want to talk to her. But after talking to another friend about it, I called her tonight. I left a vm and said I thought we should talk. She texted me back and said she thought a conversation would be good also. She sounded so formal. I felt like I'd done something wrong. She said she didn't have the "capacity" to talk tonight and was busy tmrw, and that we could talk Monday.

She does have ADD. And I want to keep that in mind. But I am realizing I have rejection sensitivity and I think it will really hurt if she does this to me. I've also had a hard few weeks myself. I'm scared of what she will say. She never even apologized for having been "a bad friend."

Before the pandemic, we would see each other maybe a few times a year and kept in touch on facebook. I've only known her a few years. From a knitting group.

She has a hard time being honest with a closer friend of hers. She's complained to me before that she needs space from her other friend. But is afraid to say it. Maybe she feels that way about us, too.

I need to take care of myself. I really have had a very hard few weeks, and I can't handle anymore bad news. She may forget to call me Monday anyway. I may not call her. I would honestly rather let this just fizzle out. Is that ok? I just can't handle this. I need to get stronger first.

Thoughts and advice please.
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Old 10-17-2020, 09:18 PM   #2
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Default Re: I think my friend is going to reject me

I find when things get serious the fun comes out of the relationship.
Maybe idk, look for the friendship side of the relationship, bc I don't think its worth talking about heavy stuff unless marriage proposals are on the tableI think my friend is going to reject meI think my friend is going to reject me

It might help to save your heart too.
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Old 10-17-2020, 09:25 PM   #3
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Default Re: I think my friend is going to reject me

Thanks for the hugs Bill3 and UnaLuna.

The second to last paragraph of my OP says it all: I need to take care of myself. This individual is starting to consistently show me she has no time or energy for me. Whether I'm imagining what might happen or its intuition, I do not want to find out and at this time, I'm out. I'm done, until I'm stronger.

I think its important to say that.....when she said in a text she felt like she "failed" as a friend, I didn't feel pity or concern for her. I felt...annoyed and like she was being fake. I don't know what that says about me lol, but yeah. Maybe we are not a good fit anymore at this time. We really are not that close. Like there's something lacking. I feel like I don't really know her.

Anyway, this is my choice atm. I need to take care of me.
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Old 10-17-2020, 09:26 PM   #4
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Default Re: I think my friend is going to reject me

I'm really sorry for your rough few weeks.



I am wondering if "rejection" is the right word here to describe what she has been doing.

Maybe she needs space and finds it hard to be honest because she needs space and finds it hard to be honest, that is who she is at the moment, no reflection on the other friend or on you.

What do you feel about her? Before she started acting weird, how much did you want and enjoy her as a friend?

If you like her, an option would be to allow her to ebb and flow, and consider that variation to be just who she is, nothing personal. Under this option, if she is at a moment where she needs space, so be it--she needs space, and the friendship continues. Maybe you see/contact her less often, but in your mind, and in hers, the friendship continues.

You've been in contact for a few years, consistently. Steady friendship over a few years as adults isn't so easy to find, for anyone.

To me, the main thing is how you feel about her. If you like her, an option is to not say (or think) goodbye--just leave an open door.
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Old 10-17-2020, 09:26 PM   #5
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Default Re: I think my friend is going to reject me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Snap66 View Post
I find when things get serious the fun comes out of the relationship.
Maybe idk, look for the friendship side of the relationship, bc I don't think its worth talking about heavy stuff unless marriage proposals are on the tableI think my friend is going to reject meI think my friend is going to reject me

It might help to save your heart too.
This is not a romantic relationship. This is a friendship.
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Old 10-17-2020, 09:34 PM   #6
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Default Re: I think my friend is going to reject me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3 View Post
I'm really sorry for your rough few weeks.



I am wondering if "rejection" is the right word here to describe what she has been doing.

Maybe she needs space and finds it hard to be honest because she needs space and finds it hard to be honest, that is who she is at the moment, no reflection on the other friend or on you.

What do you feel about her? Before she started acting weird, how much did you want and enjoy her as a friend?

If you like her, an option would be to allow her to ebb and flow, and consider that variation to be just who she is, nothing personal. Under this option, if she is at a moment where she needs space, so be it--she needs space, and the friendship continues. Maybe you see/contact her less often, but in your mind, and in hers, the friendship continues.

You've been in contact for a few years, consistently. Steady friendship over a few years as adults isn't so easy to find, for anyone.

To me, the main thing is how you feel about her. If you like her, an option is to not say (or think) goodbye--just leave an open door.
This makes a lot of sense! I do like her. I feel like in my second post, I said negative stuff about her. Because I'm just really afraid I will get hurt. My imagination is going Cray Cray.

And actually, I do feel I can accept less time with her, yes!! I'd like to accept who she is, too. I think acceptance (of others and myself) is something I need to work on.

I think what goes on in my head might be a defense mechanism from a lot of painful stuff I experienced in past.

Perhaps I'm confused and need to think about how I feel about her.

And maybe its not about me. Maybe it is her ebb and flow.

Anyway, thanks.
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Old 10-17-2020, 11:40 PM   #7
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Default Re: I think my friend is going to reject me

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bill3 View Post
I'm really sorry for your rough few weeks.



I am wondering if "rejection" is the right word here to describe what she has been doing.

Maybe she needs space and finds it hard to be honest because she needs space and finds it hard to be honest, that is who she is at the moment, no reflection on the other friend or on you.

What do you feel about her? Before she started acting weird, how much did you want and enjoy her as a friend?

If you like her, an option would be to allow her to ebb and flow, and consider that variation to be just who she is, nothing personal. Under this option, if she is at a moment where she needs space, so be it--she needs space, and the friendship continues. Maybe you see/contact her less often, but in your mind, and in hers, the friendship continues.

You've been in contact for a few years, consistently. Steady friendship over a few years as adults isn't so easy to find, for anyone.

To me, the main thing is how you feel about her. If you like her, an option is to not say (or think) goodbye--just leave an open door.
Good post, I agree with this
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Old 10-18-2020, 07:03 AM   #8
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Default Re: I think my friend is going to reject me

She maybe isnít available as much especially if she had tough weeks. Maybe meeting weekly is too much for her (itís quite often, I honestly canít meet my girlfriends weekly, maybe bi weekly?). Maybe frequent texting is too much too.

She maybe doesnít know how to bring it up. Iíd suggest if sheíd like to make get together events monthly? When I donít see my friends, itís not because I reject them. Itís just that I canít!
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Old 10-18-2020, 07:31 AM   #9
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Default Re: I think my friend is going to reject me

Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966 View Post
She maybe isnít available as much especially if she had tough weeks. Maybe meeting weekly is too much for her (itís quite often, I honestly canít meet my girlfriends weekly, maybe bi weekly?). Maybe frequent texting is too much too.

She maybe doesnít know how to bring it up. Iíd suggest if sheíd like to make get together events monthly? When I donít see my friends, itís not because I reject them. Itís just that I canít!
I don't text her frequently. But yeah maybe I can suggest monthly. Or just leave it up to her and then get on with my life.
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Old 10-18-2020, 11:36 AM   #10
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Default Re: I think my friend is going to reject me

Well if you simply get on with your life and leave it to her there is a risk that she will misread that as a lack of interest on your part. If you like her and want to keep the door open, then texting now and then in a friendly and interested way is a good option imo.
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