Restoring a relationship

It's 2016; I met her at a previous job of mine. She was so quiet and sweet.

the first years were so great and we connected so well.

Then our life got really hard.

Huge money problems in the thousands crashed down upon us. Constant struggles and stress. Sex started to become less appealing. Then she got pregnant unexpectedly.

Flash forward to 2020.

- Still in the rebuilding stage of finances.
- son is 2yrs old and happy and healthy.
- our relationship seems to be down the toilet
- Sex is almost absent due to the past problems or she has anxiety when we do manage to do it.
- we almost always get irritated with each other over everything that you'd think would be miniscule.
- a certain level of disconnection has occured.
- we communicate with periodic success. Sometimes we are successful, more often; one of us is left lost in translation. Or we just get into an argument.

-- I am 32, with terrible anxiety surrounding love and getting into close relationships. So when bad things happen; it's always worse in my mind.

-- She is 24, depression and self-esteem issues. She has only been in one relationship; me so no obvious basis for comparison.

--- She doesn't wanna give up but feels disconnected and not close anymore to me.

--- I am aware of the distance between us also and don't want to lose the woman I love. To me she's my everything; when it's good, when it's bad, and everything in between. I just don't want her to be lost and unhappy anymore. But I'm not sure what to do anymore.

--- She's confided in me that she doesn't want to have sex anymore because she doesn't feel connected anymore and when we do it she gets bad anxiety.. I understand this but I have a concern on whether or not abstinence is a healthy path for an already damaged relationship.

--- I worry that if separation is inevitable I'll feel lost and confused as I've never felt like I didn't love her through and through. I also worry about my son; he's the sweetest boy. The only thing I believe to have ever done right in the world. I don't want him to go through what I went through. Seeing his parents apart. Broken home. Like me.

--- I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel sad about it all the time and it clouds my judgement and focus.

--- D

I've been thinking about this post. I'd like to offer some advice (sometimes I'm not great at advice re relationships) I just want to send my support. Have you told her what you have told us here? (have either of you been in therapy?) Also wondering if you've discussed this (or any of this) with any family and friends. Sometimes others viewpoints are valuable especially if they are somewhat trusted people. I personally would advise you to work on this relationship. It sounds as if you love each other, and also you have a 2 year old son. (I also came from a broken home, like you) I hope you keep posting, I think a lot of people will relate to some of this.
I'm sending kind thoughts

I'd suggest to get to the root of the stress. It sounds like something big happened 2 years ago snd you're still both trying to recover from it. Can I ask what caused the financial stress? Is this financial stress what drove a wedge between you? Something happened ..

Talk to her about it and try couples counselling.