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splion
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Confused Oct 21, 2020 at 03:23 PM
  #1
I (44M, treatment resistant MDD) avoid committing to any sort of continual plans. Overall, I feel like I do most of what I do out of a requirement and that when I do everything that I do, I'm just meeting some requirement that has been set for me; I commit to something and then my low level of fear that I won't meet the commitment combined with my resentment of the actual commitment to the task is much greater than my zero satisfaction for actually completing the task.

1. I don't like the fact that my girlfriend expects me to entertain her as soon as I finish work. Its probably not good to think of your significant other as a task. She is divorced and has two kids and I mostly see her on the weeks that she doesn't have the kids. I actually enjoy most of the time that I spend with her, but I also feel like going to meet her after work is a chore. This is in the setting of my being single for a few years and longing for meaningful interaction and I do consider most of our interaction meaningful.
2. I feel like people mostly interact with me to obtain something for themselves.
3. I long for companionship and love dogs. But I hesitate to get one because I don't want the commitment of racing home in order to take care of one... even though the dog won't get upset and reject me...
...so why do I avoid these things?
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MsLady
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Default Oct 22, 2020 at 01:07 AM
  #2
Quote:
Originally Posted by splion View Post
1. I don't like the fact that my girlfriend expects me to entertain her as soon as I finish work. Its probably not good to think of your significant other as a task. She is divorced and has two kids and I mostly see her on the weeks that she doesn't have the kids. I actually enjoy most of the time that I spend with her, but I also feel like going to meet her after work is a chore. This is in the setting of my being single for a few years and longing for meaningful interaction and I do consider most of our interaction meaningful.
When I was single, I opted for the Saturday date nights (I worked M-F). A couple of guys I dated wanted at least one mid week get-together.. so it became a set Wednesday/Saturday date nights. I'm an introvert, though. If I'm at work all day, interacting, the last thing I want to do is entertain someone after work. It's mentally exhausting!! I compromised the Wednesdays, and ya, it was hard. There were last minute cancellations and always a night in. It's no surprise those relationships didn't last.

My point being, change your schedule. Maybe meeting your gf after work is too much for you. On the days you're working, settle for a night in and keep low key. Compromise.

Quote:
2. I feel like people mostly interact with me to obtain something for themselves.
I often feel like this. How are your social skills? What are you putting out there? What's your reputation like?

Quote:
3. I long for companionship and love dogs. But I hesitate to get one because I don't want the commitment of racing home in order to take care of one... even though the dog won't get upset and reject me...
Just because you love dogs, it doesn't mean you should get one. They're a lot of work!! Maybe consider on getting a cat? They're far more independent.

Quote:
...so why do I avoid these things?
What's your job like, in terms of stress and requirements? It doesn't sound like you're avoiding anything, apart from getting a high-needs dog.

How long have you been with your gf? Being a step-parent can be one of the hardest jobs and is a commitment to not take lightly. So if you haven't been with your gf all that long, then how you're feeling about this piece is quite normal.

But that's just my opinion.
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splion
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Default Oct 22, 2020 at 01:21 PM
  #3
Thank you. My job is definitely high stress.

I need to make some decisions. Most people believe that if I allow my workday to neutralize the remainder of the day that I've lost my life. My job definitely doesn't give me enough gratification to justify it taking over the rest of my day, every day.
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Default Oct 22, 2020 at 08:38 PM
  #4
Are you open to trying a new job?
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sarahsweets
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Default Oct 24, 2020 at 06:26 AM
  #5
I think it would be worthwhile to consider whether this is the girl for you. When we are happy with our partners the overwhelming feelings of not wanting to see them are not usually there.

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Default Nov 11, 2020 at 01:04 PM
  #6
You just have to say, "sorry baby not tonight". Its that simple, if your not feeling it be honest. But do not let it happen too often, problems will start to form in your relationship.
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