Need to establish new relationships

I posted under the spirituality section but realised afterwards that I really need help establishing new relationships.

Basically I got love bombed into a belief about fifteen or so years ago when I was very unwell mentally. I realise people with that belief thought I'd be miraculously healed.

Anyway, moving on, I have very slowly been getting better over the past couple of years since I woke up to what had been traumatizing me.

I have no friends outside of this belief system. And if I talk to my current friends I'm met with their disapproval, disappointment and attempts to persuade me back.

Has anyone got experience of making new friends when they're older, single and recovering from trauma related issues?

I'm not sure that moving to be near family is an option.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice to give you. I am in the same boat as you however. I need to make new relationships also so you're not alone!

I moved to a totally new place where I knew no one. Gave me a total chance to start life over & meet totally new people & be very selective of who I allowed into my inner personal life. I didn't have the same issues as you but after 54 years of living around/with totally dysfunctional people I needed to truly learn who I was even after having had a computer engineering career. My family life stunk from beginning to end & buying my little farm, living alone with my animals & finding an outstanding therapist all have been a part of my healing

I'm pretty much up there in age myself and noticed that it's been a struggle to make new friends for a good while. Making friends and especially keeping them has been a challenge for me.

I only have one friend now and it seems like we're on the verge of splitting up. I have wanted to replace him for quite a while but just haven't been able to. So I'm either stuck with him or have to be totally alone. I personally think that being alone is much better than being with someone who makes you feel miserable. But the choice of being alone is like the lesser of the two evils.

My family life has stunk also. As far back as when I was a little kid, it wasn't that great. My sister, whom is the only one in my family I talk to, feels like growing up with the family was wonderful. I never thought so. She and I are on different planets on that one. Also as now, my relationship with my sister isn't that great. We haven't been together in over 14 years and there's no indication that we will get together sometime in the future.

I have no advice or suggestions also, because I'm fighting this battle, too. Advice or suggestions for me hasn't done any good anyways. It has been given to me, tried, and failed.

Thank you for your replies. I guess the only way its going to change is if I go to something new- either a class or an interest group.

I suppose that's obvious really. I've just been in a rut for so long.

Me too! Let me know if you think of anything. I can use the help!

Hi Julielynn, to start with I've been looking at my existing relationships and realised often I was talking about the same old things too much. So, I've begun in a small way sending greeting cards to people by snail mail.

Also I look out for things which are humourous to share .

Also I've started doing something creative at home which keeps me busy. And it's a different topic. Plus I joined a small forum online where people are more likely to make friends.

As for classes, none yet but most things are closed. I havent looked out for online ones yet.

Thanks for the ideas. I haven't look into the forum idea. I feel like that's all I could handle right now.

Everything is too difficult during covid. But you can join groups and attend classes eventually. Try book clubs. Meetups etc

I'm not sure what you mean by ''older''... I guess anyone over 29?

Naturally, due to ''the situation'' ... .... it is not as easy as it had been to meet new people irl.

Moving on from that ''topic''...

Maybe hanging out here on pc could be a start in establishing new relationships. (?) Or some other special interest groups/forums online (?)

I also had been somewhat love bombed some years ago so I can relate a bit to that aspect. When I had been unable to play the games (on fb) I was rapidly ''defriended'' by the ''leader'' of the group. I did not find that cool at all.

She had sent me a Christmas present the previous year Also she just did not understand my reluctance to post my addresss

Sorry about the ''rant''... She was a nice person I think (somewhat Narcissistic though)

If these friends are still being disappointed, disapproving etc, maybe they are not healthy for you now.

Hugs and respect

It happens more often then you might think.