My boyfriend cheated on me with his therapist....

Has this happened to anyone else? I’m in the process of “getting over it” obviously this is hard and when I try to move on, certain things will show up in my head for me to relive it. I’ve tried to find help online, something to relate to, it seems like it is so taboo that NO ONE wants to talk about it...

Hi North123. Welcome to Psych Central. Sorry you ae dealing with a rough situation in your relationship.

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https://blogs.psychcentral.com/relat...h-7-stressors/
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Can you report his therapist?

Report the therapist to whatever state board licenses therapists in your state. It's unethical.

This doesn't absolve your boyfriend from blame, it's just that the therapist shouldn't be in practice if they're having sex with patients.

And I do hope you don't intend to stay with the boyfriend.

File a formal complaint with your states' licensing board. Have you broken up with this guy?

I am sorry it happened

There is a psychotherapy subforum on PC and people gave good suggestions re reporting therapists for inappropriate behaviors. Romantic relationships with therapists are often topics on that subforum. It’s surprisingly more common than one would think. You can share your story on there. This therapist needs to be reported. Leave your boyfriend and never look back

I agree with others in that if your boyfriend IS having an affair with his therapist that it's unethical. However, also what can happen is what is called transference and this is when a patient believes they are in love with the therapist and there is a connection when in reality that is not the case. It's a therapist's job to pay complete attention to the patient and listen and show complete interest and help the patient feel safe and that they can trust the therapist to share anything that bothers them. Because of this attention a patient can form an attachment to their therapist, can even begin to think they are in love with the therapist and are forming a "special" connection.

I do not know how your boyfriend let you know he wants to be with his therapist. The so called affair may only be in his mind and not shared by the therapist, this does happen. If this does happen and the therapist begins to see a strong transference the therapist may stop seeing the patient which can actually crush or even traumatize the patient where they feel deeply hurt, rejected, and abandoned.

The therapist has an advantage over you in that she went through training and learned how to help a patient trust and feel safe and willing to open up. It's because of this training the patient begins to form an attachment and can even feel love because it's something they deeply needed or missed and experiencing it can create often a sense of "I have found the right one" and someone "gets me".

Sometimes a therapist does reciprocate, after all they are only human and it can feel good to have the kind of power they learn to have with patients. However, that's abusing their skills and is considered unethical.

It's very understandable how you feel betrayed and cheated on and that you feel angry and hurt. You don't have the kind of skillset a therapist learns to have either. And your boyfriend fell into a mindset that many fall into with forming an attachment and perceiving it as "love".

Quote:

Originally Posted by Open Eyes I agree with others in that if your boyfriend IS having an affair with his therapist that it's unethical. However, also what can happen is what is called transference and this is when a patient believes they are in love with the therapist and there is a connection when in reality that is not the case. It's a therapist's job to pay complete attention to the patient and listen and show complete interest and help the patient feel safe and that they can trust the therapist to share anything that bothers them. Because of this attention a patient can form an attachment to their therapist, can even begin to think they are in love with the therapist and are forming a "special" connection.

If the op said it was an affair, its not transference.

Quote:

I do not know how your boyfriend let you know he wants to be with his therapist. The so called affair may only be in his mind and not shared by the therapist, this does happen. If this does happen and the therapist begins to see a strong transference the therapist may stop seeing the patient which can actually crush or even traumatize the patient where they feel deeply hurt, rejected, and abandoned. The therapist has an advantage over you in that she went through training and learned how to help a patient trust and feel safe and willing to open up. It's because of this training the patient begins to form an attachment and can even feel love because it's something they deeply needed or missed and experiencing it can create often a sense of "I have found the right one" and someone "gets me".

I think this is a bit of a reach. I think the OP seemed pretty sure an affair occured.

Quote:

Sometimes a therapist does reciprocate, after all they are only human and it can feel good to have the kind of power they learn to have with patients. However, that's abusing their skills and is considered unethical.

It is not "only human" to have affairs.

There are MANY very damaged and broken people who become therapists. A therapist who chooses to romantically engage a patient is predatory and is willing to throw their license away to pursue such an engagement, so we should always report this and let the licensing authority investigate.

Predators are attracted to certain fields that allow them access to their prey.

Yes, I agree with you Molinit. Had a few myself when it was the last thing I needed.

I am not saying there is no affair taking place either. However, it's very possible her boyfriend may think he is more involved than he is as that happens too.

The one who can clarify is the OP. Perhaps she has found out they have been engaging together more than just in therapy sessions.

That's really unethical of the therapist, and your boyfriend clearly also has poor judgement and boundaries. I hope you broke up or are breaking up with him. This is not OK or acceptable.

North, are you ok? Hugs

Maybe your boyfriend saw someone who was helping and then he saw stars in his therapists eyes. I do not know the background. What you do from here its upto you. You can either dump him or give it another shot, but treat him with more intimacy, and care. Its important to communicate open and honest at all times. He should be doing the same, this is a secret that gives relationships a duracell battery.

This is very unethical from a therapist. Grrrrrrr